Can people give me jokes that are actually funny like something that could keep !
Question: Can people give me jokes that are actually funny like something that could keep me laughing for hours!?
Answers:
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man!?
A: How do you breathe through that sir !?!
Q: If i dropped a $20!. dollar bill,who would more likely pick it up !?
The Smart Blonde
The Dumb Blonde
Santa Clause
The Easter Bunny
A: The Dumb Blonde ,because the other 3 don't exist
Two deaf people get married!. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language!. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution!.
"Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals!? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time!. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time!."
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time!. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis 50 times!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
A: How do you breathe through that sir !?!
Q: If i dropped a $20!. dollar bill,who would more likely pick it up !?
The Smart Blonde
The Dumb Blonde
Santa Clause
The Easter Bunny
A: The Dumb Blonde ,because the other 3 don't exist
Two deaf people get married!. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language!. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution!.
"Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals!? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time!. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time!."
The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time!. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis 50 times!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
these jokes r soo funny i no they r long but they r soo worth it
1
It's wise to remember how easily email -- this wonderful technology -- can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences!.
Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida!. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day!. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email!.
Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before!. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint!.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
"Dearest Wife, Just got checked in!. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow!. P!.S!. Sure is hot down here!."
2
This is a true story from the Word Perfect Help line which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department!. Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause!."
"Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you!?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect!."
"What sort of trouble!?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away!."
"Went away!?"
"They disappeared!."
"Hmm!. So what does your screen look like now!?"
"Nothing!."
"Nothing!?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type!."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out!?"
"How do I tell!?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen!?"
"What's a sea-prompt!?"
"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen!?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type!."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator!?"
"What's a monitor!?
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks
like a TV!. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on!?"
"I don't know!."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it!. Can you see that!?"
"Yes, I think so!."
"Great!. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall!."
"Yes, it is!."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one!?"
"No!."
"Well, there are!. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable!."
"Okay, here it is!."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer!."
"I can't reach!."
"Uh huh!. Well, can you see if it is!?"
"No!."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over!?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark!."
"Dark!?"
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window!."
"Well, turn on the office light then!."
"I can't!."
"No!? Why not!?"
"Because there's a power failure!."
"A power!.!.!. A power failure!? Aha, okay, we've got it licked now!. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in!?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet!."
"Good!. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it!. Then take it back to the store you bought it from!."
"Really!? Is it that bad!?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is!."
"Well, all right then, I suppose!. What do I tell them!?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
1
It's wise to remember how easily email -- this wonderful technology -- can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences!.
Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida!. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day!. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quick email!.
Unfortunately, when typing her address, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife whose husband had passed away only the day before!. When the grieving widow checked her email, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint!.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen:
"Dearest Wife, Just got checked in!. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow!. P!.S!. Sure is hot down here!."
2
This is a true story from the Word Perfect Help line which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department!. Needless to say the help desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without Cause!."
"Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you!?"
"Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect!."
"What sort of trouble!?"
"Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away!."
"Went away!?"
"They disappeared!."
"Hmm!. So what does your screen look like now!?"
"Nothing!."
"Nothing!?"
"It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type!."
"Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out!?"
"How do I tell!?"
"Can you see the C: prompt on the screen!?"
"What's a sea-prompt!?"
"Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen!?"
"There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type!."
"Does your monitor have a power indicator!?"
"What's a monitor!?
"It's the thing with the screen on it that looks
like a TV!. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on!?"
"I don't know!."
"Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it!. Can you see that!?"
"Yes, I think so!."
"Great!. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall!."
"Yes, it is!."
"When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one!?"
"No!."
"Well, there are!. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable!."
"Okay, here it is!."
"Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer!."
"I can't reach!."
"Uh huh!. Well, can you see if it is!?"
"No!."
"Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over!?"
"Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark!."
"Dark!?"
"Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window!."
"Well, turn on the office light then!."
"I can't!."
"No!? Why not!?"
"Because there's a power failure!."
"A power!.!.!. A power failure!? Aha, okay, we've got it licked now!. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in!?"
"Well, yes, I keep them in the closet!."
"Good!. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it!. Then take it back to the store you bought it from!."
"Really!? Is it that bad!?"
"Yes, I'm afraid it is!."
"Well, all right then, I suppose!. What do I tell them!?"
"Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
A retarded boy boards the bus and sits directly behind the bus driver!. As the bus moves along the retarded boy begins to sing a song!.
"If my daddy was a buck and my momma was a doe, I guess I'd be a baby deer!."
"If my daddy was a bull and my momma was a cow, I'd guess I'd be a baby calf!."
On and on the retarded boy sings until the bus driver can't take anymore!.
Annoyed, the bus driver turns to the retarded boy and asks,
"Hey retard, if your daddy was a queer and your momma was a whore what would you be!?"
The retarded boy pondered the question carefully and then replied,
"I guess I'd be a bus driver!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
"If my daddy was a buck and my momma was a doe, I guess I'd be a baby deer!."
"If my daddy was a bull and my momma was a cow, I'd guess I'd be a baby calf!."
On and on the retarded boy sings until the bus driver can't take anymore!.
Annoyed, the bus driver turns to the retarded boy and asks,
"Hey retard, if your daddy was a queer and your momma was a whore what would you be!?"
The retarded boy pondered the question carefully and then replied,
"I guess I'd be a bus driver!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend!. They had sex for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings!.
Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver!. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation!.!.!. She is speaking in a cheery voice) "Hello!? Oh, hi!. I'm so glad that you called!. Really!? That's wonderful!. I am so happy for you!. That sounds terrific!. Great! Thanks!. Okay!. Bye bye!."
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that!?"
"Oh" she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver!. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation!.!.!. She is speaking in a cheery voice) "Hello!? Oh, hi!. I'm so glad that you called!. Really!? That's wonderful!. I am so happy for you!. That sounds terrific!. Great! Thanks!. Okay!. Bye bye!."
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that!?"
"Oh" she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
Japan Fast, India Very Very Fast
!.
There was a Japanese who went to India for sightseeing!. On the last day, he hired a cab and told the driver to drive to the Airport!.During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi!. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, “Honda, very fast! Made in Japan !!!!.
After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi and again the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, “Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!” And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi!. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, “Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!”
The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet!. And this went on for quite a number of cars!.
Finally, the taxi came to the airport!. The fare was 800 rupees!. !!!!
The Japanese exclaimed, “What!?!?… so expensive!” There upon, the driver yelled back, “Meter, Made in India VERY VERY FAST !!!!!
Www@Enter-QA@Com
Billy Bob & Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation!. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different!. The last few years, I took your advice about where to go!. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii and Earlene got pregnant!. Then twoo years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earlene got pregnant again!. last year you suggested Dominican Republic and darned if Earlene didn't get pregnant again!."
Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different!?"
"This year I'm taking Earlene with me!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different!?"
"This year I'm taking Earlene with me!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
A guy walking down the street sees a woman with huge breasts and offers her ￡100 if she lets him bite them!.
“No, are you crazy!?” she says!.
“What about for ￡1000!?” he asks!.
“Listen you freak" she says!. “I’m not that kind of woman!.”
“You wouldn’t even do it for ￡10,000!?” the man asks!.
“You’ll pay me ￡10,000 to bite my breasts!?” she asks!. “OK fine, lets go over to that alley!.”
Once there she takes off her blouse, and the guy begins caressing her breasts, kissing them, and fondling them!.
“So, are you gonna bite them or what!?” she huffs!.
“Nah,” he shrugs!. “Too expensive!!!!.”
Www@Enter-QA@Com
“No, are you crazy!?” she says!.
“What about for ￡1000!?” he asks!.
“Listen you freak" she says!. “I’m not that kind of woman!.”
“You wouldn’t even do it for ￡10,000!?” the man asks!.
“You’ll pay me ￡10,000 to bite my breasts!?” she asks!. “OK fine, lets go over to that alley!.”
Once there she takes off her blouse, and the guy begins caressing her breasts, kissing them, and fondling them!.
“So, are you gonna bite them or what!?” she huffs!.
“Nah,” he shrugs!. “Too expensive!!!!.”
Www@Enter-QA@Com
!.!.
He: "Hey honey!.!.!.I can't resist!.!.!.I wanna do it!.!.Let's have sex"!.!.!.
She: "No, baby, we can't!"
He: "Why not!?"
She: "I'm about to go to the gynaecologist, he would find out we did it, what a shame!
He: "But I can't resist!.!.Uhmm!!.!.Are you going to the dentist too!?"!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
He: "Hey honey!.!.!.I can't resist!.!.!.I wanna do it!.!.Let's have sex"!.!.!.
She: "No, baby, we can't!"
He: "Why not!?"
She: "I'm about to go to the gynaecologist, he would find out we did it, what a shame!
He: "But I can't resist!.!.Uhmm!!.!.Are you going to the dentist too!?"!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
I'm not like all those other people!. I don't mean this, and I don't know if it's very funny, but here is one I heard at camp:
Yo Mama is so fat that when she puts on a red dress and walks outside people say, "Hey, there's Kool-Aid!
I don't mean it, but it may be a little funny!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Yo Mama is so fat that when she puts on a red dress and walks outside people say, "Hey, there's Kool-Aid!
I don't mean it, but it may be a little funny!Www@Enter-QA@Com
me thinks you should have given an age!. some of those are pretty risque
As for something that will keep you laughing!.
go to youtube and search eddie izzard!. watch any of his videos and you will crack up!.
or robin Williams!. Either is good for side splitting laughter!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
As for something that will keep you laughing!.
go to youtube and search eddie izzard!. watch any of his videos and you will crack up!.
or robin Williams!. Either is good for side splitting laughter!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Little girl finds her dog dead with its legs in the air and asks her dad why its like that!. Her Dad says its died and its like that so jesus can pick it up and take it to heaven!. Next day when her dad comes home from work the little girl runs up to him saying ''Dad - Mum nearly died today! She was on her back with her legs in the air shouting 'Oh Jesus im coming' if the milkman hadnt been holding her down we'd have lost her''!
a cop tells a hooker she cant sell sex!. She says 'im not, im selling condoms with free pus*y samples'!
8 Ways vodka is better for you than a penis :1!.vodka is always stiff!. 2!.it dont look smaller when its cold!. 3!.it lasts as long as you want!. 4!.it dont poke you in the back in the morning demanding attention!. 5!.you dont care how far down your throat it goes!. 6!.you can have as many as you want without being easy!. 7!.you can enjoy it infront of your mum!. 8!.vodka is always a pleasure to swallow
What do MEN and clouds have in common!? Eventually they f**k off and its a nice day!
A dog truly is mans best friend, to prove this simply lock both the dog and your wife in the boot of the car, come back an hour later and see which one is still pleased to see you!
A new vibrator for women has just been invented, its so realistic that just before she reaches climax it coughs, farts, goes limp, then switches off!
Have you heard about the dyslexic satanist!?
He sold his soul to Santa
Cop on a horse says to a little girl on a bike 'did santa get you that!?' yes replies the little girl 'Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year' he said and fined her $5!. The little girl looked up at the cop and said 'nice horse you got there, did santa bring you it!?' The cop laughs and replies 'he sure did' 'Well' said the little girl, 'next year tell santa the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!.
what have men and laminate flooring got in common!?
Lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for life
Www@Enter-QA@Com
a cop tells a hooker she cant sell sex!. She says 'im not, im selling condoms with free pus*y samples'!
8 Ways vodka is better for you than a penis :1!.vodka is always stiff!. 2!.it dont look smaller when its cold!. 3!.it lasts as long as you want!. 4!.it dont poke you in the back in the morning demanding attention!. 5!.you dont care how far down your throat it goes!. 6!.you can have as many as you want without being easy!. 7!.you can enjoy it infront of your mum!. 8!.vodka is always a pleasure to swallow
What do MEN and clouds have in common!? Eventually they f**k off and its a nice day!
A dog truly is mans best friend, to prove this simply lock both the dog and your wife in the boot of the car, come back an hour later and see which one is still pleased to see you!
A new vibrator for women has just been invented, its so realistic that just before she reaches climax it coughs, farts, goes limp, then switches off!
Have you heard about the dyslexic satanist!?
He sold his soul to Santa
Cop on a horse says to a little girl on a bike 'did santa get you that!?' yes replies the little girl 'Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year' he said and fined her $5!. The little girl looked up at the cop and said 'nice horse you got there, did santa bring you it!?' The cop laughs and replies 'he sure did' 'Well' said the little girl, 'next year tell santa the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!.
what have men and laminate flooring got in common!?
Lay them right the first time and you can walk all over them for life
Www@Enter-QA@Com
Take your clothes off and look in the mirror It works for meWww@Enter-QA@Com