Can you make me smile, im super sad right now.?!
Question: Can you make me smile, im super sad right now!.!?
on saturday a kid in my junior class died and today was the first day back at school and i can honestly say it was one of the hardest days of my life!. i dont think i've ever cried so hard in my life, and its even harder to have seen my teachers and principal cry!.
can you tell me a joke, or just something funny like an embarrassing story to make me feel better!?
thank you! Www@Enter-QA@Com
can you tell me a joke, or just something funny like an embarrassing story to make me feel better!?
thank you! Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
A lawyer and a blond are sitting next to each other on a long flight!. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game!. The blond just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks!. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun!.
He explains,'I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa!.'
Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep!. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says,'OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500!.'
He reckons that since she is a blond that he will easily win the match!. This offer catches the blond's attention and, realizing that there will probably be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game!.
The lawyer asks the first question!. 'What's the distance from the earth to the moon!?'
The blond doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a $5 note and hands it to the lawyer!. Now, it's the blond's turn!.
She asks the lawyer,'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four!?'
The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look!. He takes out his laptop computer and searches the Net and the Library of Congress!. Frustrated, he sends emails to all his co-workers and friends he knows!. All to no avail!. After over an hour, he wakes the blond and hands her $500!. The blond politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep!.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blond and asks,'Well, so what is the answer!?'
Without a word, the blond reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
He explains,'I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5, and vice-versa!.'
Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep!. The lawyer, now somewhat agitated, says,'OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500!.'
He reckons that since she is a blond that he will easily win the match!. This offer catches the blond's attention and, realizing that there will probably be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game!.
The lawyer asks the first question!. 'What's the distance from the earth to the moon!?'
The blond doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a $5 note and hands it to the lawyer!. Now, it's the blond's turn!.
She asks the lawyer,'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four!?'
The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look!. He takes out his laptop computer and searches the Net and the Library of Congress!. Frustrated, he sends emails to all his co-workers and friends he knows!. All to no avail!. After over an hour, he wakes the blond and hands her $500!. The blond politely takes the $500 and turns away to get back to sleep!.
The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blond and asks,'Well, so what is the answer!?'
Without a word, the blond reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Wow thats sad, howd he die!? Heres a joke:
There once was a boy with a bucket of fish!.
He yelled " Selling dam fish! Selling dam fish!"
A preacher walked by!.
The Preacher said "Why do you speak with such a dirty mouth!?"
The boy said "im not, i caught these fish at the dam!."
So the preacher thought he'd buy some nice and local fish!.
The preacher came home home and gave his wife two dam fish he'd bought from the boy!.
"Honey, cook these two dam fish for dinner!."
The wife said "hey, hey, hey ur a preacher, dont talk like that"
THe preacher said"No hun, they're dam fish from the city dam!."
As they ate, The preacher told his son!.
"Son pass over that dam fish!."
The son's eyes brightened!.
"Thats the spirit dad!, as he passed the dam fish,
"Hey mom , pass the fuking potatoes!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
There once was a boy with a bucket of fish!.
He yelled " Selling dam fish! Selling dam fish!"
A preacher walked by!.
The Preacher said "Why do you speak with such a dirty mouth!?"
The boy said "im not, i caught these fish at the dam!."
So the preacher thought he'd buy some nice and local fish!.
The preacher came home home and gave his wife two dam fish he'd bought from the boy!.
"Honey, cook these two dam fish for dinner!."
The wife said "hey, hey, hey ur a preacher, dont talk like that"
THe preacher said"No hun, they're dam fish from the city dam!."
As they ate, The preacher told his son!.
"Son pass over that dam fish!."
The son's eyes brightened!.
"Thats the spirit dad!, as he passed the dam fish,
"Hey mom , pass the fuking potatoes!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Well, let me tell you about my day, i went to P!.E!. were we played basketball, i fell every five seconds, once or twice on someone!. In the end i had bruises everywhere but im the kind of person to laugh about it!. then i had Spanish were i asked her if i could use the restroom but instead i said "Mama my dog is biting my a!.s!.s" don't ask!. THen it was break and going into a room of people i fell on my face!. that's always fun!. Then i went to religion, which is also are chemistry lab so i speltt acid on my jacket and had to give it a chemical bath and throw it away!. THen lunch, nothing there!. oh wait i was in line when someone dumped there tray down my back!. THen went to english and read my report and i messed up and yet again i fell!. I hope i made you feel a little better and just to let you know all of this really did happen to me so yeah!. Laugh it up!. Www@Enter-QA@Com
alright!.!.!.
so a string walks into a bar and tries to order a drink!.
the bartender says, "we don't serve your kind here!.!.!. get out!"
so, the string is sad and leaves!.!.!.
the string gets the guts to go into the same bar the next day and tries to buy a drink!.!.!.
the bartender has the same response!.!.!. "get outa here! we don't serve your kind here!"
the string, very upset, leaves the bar and messes up his hair and ties himself up!.!.!. and tries going into the bar one more time!.!.!.
he goes up to order a drink and the bartender says,
"hey! aren't you that same string that keeps coming in here trying to order drinks!?!
to this he replies, "i'm a frayed knot!!!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
so a string walks into a bar and tries to order a drink!.
the bartender says, "we don't serve your kind here!.!.!. get out!"
so, the string is sad and leaves!.!.!.
the string gets the guts to go into the same bar the next day and tries to buy a drink!.!.!.
the bartender has the same response!.!.!. "get outa here! we don't serve your kind here!"
the string, very upset, leaves the bar and messes up his hair and ties himself up!.!.!. and tries going into the bar one more time!.!.!.
he goes up to order a drink and the bartender says,
"hey! aren't you that same string that keeps coming in here trying to order drinks!?!
to this he replies, "i'm a frayed knot!!!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
new york just got in a fight with her guy ,he got mad and left the table so she decides to take up acting, she practice by talking to her pillow,her pillow began laughing saying girl you got bad breath,not to worry i put a mint under the sheet take it!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
DON'T CRY EAT A FRY!
=)
SORRY ABOUT THE KID THAT PASSED AWAY!
GOD BLESS YOU!Www@Enter-QA@Com
=)
SORRY ABOUT THE KID THAT PASSED AWAY!
GOD BLESS YOU!Www@Enter-QA@Com
There are 2 cowboys in the kitchen!. Which one is the real cowboy!?
The one on the range!.
Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat!?
Cut off your head!.
A Horse goes into a bar and the bartender says
"Hey buddy, Why the Long Face"
Q!. Where do you find a one legged dog!?
A!. Where you left it!.
Q!. What's pink and fluffy
A!. Pink fluff
Q!. What's blue and fluffy
person replies: blue fluff!?
A!. Pink fluff holding it's breath
Two muffins are in the oven!.
One says to the other "Gosh it's hot in here"
The other one replies "Oh no!.!.!. It's a talking muffin"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!.!.!.
These are the good ones!!!!!
EMBARRASSING??MEDICAL?EXAMS???????????!.!.!.
?
1!. A man comes into the ER and yells, 'My wife's going to have her
baby in the cab!'?I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted
the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear!.Suddenly I
noticed that there were several cabs --and I was in the wrong one!.??
Dr!. Mark MacDonald,? San Francisco??
2!. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall!. 'Big breaths,' I instructed!.
'Yes, they used to be,' replied the patient!.???
Dr!. Richard Byrnes,? Seattle , WA??
3!. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a
wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarction!.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the
rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart!.'
Dr!. Susan Steinberg
?4!. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,
he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
medications!. 'Which one!?' I asked!. 'The patch, the nurse told me to put on a
new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!' I had
?him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see!. Yes, the
man had over fifty patches on his body!? Now, the instructions include
removal of the old patch before applying a new one!.??
Dr!. Rebecca St!. Clair,? Norfolk , VA
?5!. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
'How long have you been bedridden!?' After a look of complete
confusion she answered!. Why, not for about twenty years -
when my husband was alive!.'
Dr!. Steven Swanson,?Corvallis
6!. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking
up on a woman I asked, 'So how's your breakfast this morning!?' 'It's very
good, except for the Kentucky Jelly!. I can't seem to get used to the taste'
the patient replied!. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a
foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly!.'????
Dr!. Leonard Kransdorf,? Detroit , MI
??7!. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young
woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting
a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered!. It
was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so
she was scheduled for immediate surgery!. When she was
completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed
that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was
a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass!.' Once the surgery was
completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's
dressing, which said, 'Sorry, had to mow the lawn'??
Submitted by RN no name
?AND FINALLY!!!!.!. !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. !.!.!.!.!.
??8!. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite
embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams!. To cover my
embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling
softly!. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this
exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me!. I
looked up from my work and sheepishly said, 'I'm sorry!.!. Was I
tickling you!?' She replied, 'No doctor, but the song you were
whistling was, 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'!.???
Dr!. wouldn't submit his name
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!.!.!.
How do you catch a poler bear!?
Answer:You cut a ice in the hole then put peas around the hole when the poler bear comes down to take a pea kick him in the ICE HOLE!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!.!.!.
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day!. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St!. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths!. So what's your story!?"
The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-Www@Enter-QA@Com
The one on the range!.
Do you wanna lose ten pounds of ugly fat!?
Cut off your head!.
A Horse goes into a bar and the bartender says
"Hey buddy, Why the Long Face"
Q!. Where do you find a one legged dog!?
A!. Where you left it!.
Q!. What's pink and fluffy
A!. Pink fluff
Q!. What's blue and fluffy
person replies: blue fluff!?
A!. Pink fluff holding it's breath
Two muffins are in the oven!.
One says to the other "Gosh it's hot in here"
The other one replies "Oh no!.!.!. It's a talking muffin"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!.!.!.
These are the good ones!!!!!
EMBARRASSING??MEDICAL?EXAMS???????????!.!.!.
?
1!. A man comes into the ER and yells, 'My wife's going to have her
baby in the cab!'?I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted
the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear!.Suddenly I
noticed that there were several cabs --and I was in the wrong one!.??
Dr!. Mark MacDonald,? San Francisco??
2!. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and
slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall!. 'Big breaths,' I instructed!.
'Yes, they used to be,' replied the patient!.???
Dr!. Richard Byrnes,? Seattle , WA??
3!. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a
wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarction!.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the
rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive internal fart!.'
Dr!. Susan Steinberg
?4!. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist,
he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his
medications!. 'Which one!?' I asked!. 'The patch, the nurse told me to put on a
new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!' I had
?him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see!. Yes, the
man had over fifty patches on his body!? Now, the instructions include
removal of the old patch before applying a new one!.??
Dr!. Rebecca St!. Clair,? Norfolk , VA
?5!. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked,
'How long have you been bedridden!?' After a look of complete
confusion she answered!. Why, not for about twenty years -
when my husband was alive!.'
Dr!. Steven Swanson,?Corvallis
6!. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking
up on a woman I asked, 'So how's your breakfast this morning!?' 'It's very
good, except for the Kentucky Jelly!. I can't seem to get used to the taste'
the patient replied!. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a
foil packet labeled 'KY Jelly!.'????
Dr!. Leonard Kransdorf,? Detroit , MI
??7!. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young
woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting
a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered!. It
was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so
she was scheduled for immediate surgery!. When she was
completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed
that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was
a tattoo that read, 'Keep off the grass!.' Once the surgery was
completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's
dressing, which said, 'Sorry, had to mow the lawn'??
Submitted by RN no name
?AND FINALLY!!!!.!. !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. !.!.!.!.!.
??8!. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was quite
embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams!. To cover my
embarrassment I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling
softly!. The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this
exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassing me!. I
looked up from my work and sheepishly said, 'I'm sorry!.!. Was I
tickling you!?' She replied, 'No doctor, but the song you were
whistling was, 'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener'!.???
Dr!. wouldn't submit his name
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!.!.!.
How do you catch a poler bear!?
Answer:You cut a ice in the hole then put peas around the hole when the poler bear comes down to take a pea kick him in the ICE HOLE!!!!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~!.!.!.
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day!. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St!. Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths!. So what's your story!?"
The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-Www@Enter-QA@Com