What are some really funny jokes? I want appropriate ones to tell people!! Thx!!!
Question: What are some really funny jokes!? I want appropriate ones to tell people!! Thx!!!!!!?
Answers:
did you hear about the kiddnapping!?!?!?!?!?
HE WOKE UP!!!! bahahaha
Did you hear about the fire at the circus!?
IT WAS INTENSE!!!! bahahha (in-tents)
Have you heard about the movie constipation!?
oh, IT HASNT COME OUT YET!!!! babahahahahahahaWww@Enter-QA@Com
HE WOKE UP!!!! bahahaha
Did you hear about the fire at the circus!?
IT WAS INTENSE!!!! bahahha (in-tents)
Have you heard about the movie constipation!?
oh, IT HASNT COME OUT YET!!!! babahahahahahahaWww@Enter-QA@Com
A blonde walks in to a bar and sits down next to a man watching the news!. The man say's to her "I bet cha ten bucks that guy on the building jumps and commits suicide!." She turns to him and says "You got yourself a deal!." So they watch and sure enough the man jumps!. The blonde hands her money to the man and says "You win" but the man hesitates and tells her that he can't accept the money because he had already seen this broadcast earlier in the evening!. The blonde say "well so did I but I didn't think he'd do it again!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
A couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things!. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair!. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen!?" he asks!.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream!?"
"Sure!."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it!?" she asks!.
"No, I can remember it!."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too!. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it!?"
He says, "I can remember that!. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries!."
"I'd also like whipped cream!. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down!?" she asks!.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"
Then he toddles into the kitchen!. After about 20 minutes,
The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs!. She stares at the plate for a moment!.
"Where's my toast !?"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair!. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen!?" he asks!.
"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream!?"
"Sure!."
"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it!?" she asks!.
"No, I can remember it!."
"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too!. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it!?"
He says, "I can remember that!. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries!."
"I'd also like whipped cream!. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down!?" she asks!.
Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"
Then he toddles into the kitchen!. After about 20 minutes,
The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs!. She stares at the plate for a moment!.
"Where's my toast !?"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Why!? Why!? Why!?
Do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead!?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money!?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet!?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle!?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection!?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard!?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him!?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets!?
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'!?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes!?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white!?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale!?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized!?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance!?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try!?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures!?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right!?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That hurt, you idiot!?'
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over!?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat!?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes!?
And my FAVORITE!.!.!.
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness!. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you!.
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Www@Enter-QA@Com
Do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead!?
Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough money!?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet!?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle!?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection!?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard!?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him!?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets!?
Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'!?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes!?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white!?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale!?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized!?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance!?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try!?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures!?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right!?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That hurt, you idiot!?'
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over!?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat!?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes!?
And my FAVORITE!.!.!.
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness!. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you!.
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Www@Enter-QA@Com
Hmmm!.!.!. I have a lot inappropriate jokes, but I hope this is okay:
Two blondes are hunting in a meadow when a man suddenly bursts through the trees!. He shouts, "Don't shoot me! I'm not a deer!" One of the blondes raises her gun and shoots the guy and kills him!. The other blonde says, "What did you shoot that guy for!? He said he wasn't a deer!" The other blonde gets wide-eyed and says, "Oops! I thought he said he was a deer!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
Two blondes are hunting in a meadow when a man suddenly bursts through the trees!. He shouts, "Don't shoot me! I'm not a deer!" One of the blondes raises her gun and shoots the guy and kills him!. The other blonde says, "What did you shoot that guy for!? He said he wasn't a deer!" The other blonde gets wide-eyed and says, "Oops! I thought he said he was a deer!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
A guy runs into his Doctor's office and yells " Doctor!, Doctor! I just broke my arm in three places"! The Doctor replies "Well stay out of those places and you wouldn't get your arm broke!
Him "Why do elephants paint their toenails red"!?
Her "I don't know!. Why!?"
Him "So they can hide in cherry trees"!
Him "Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a cherry tree"!?
Her "No"
Him "Pretty good aren't they"!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Him "Why do elephants paint their toenails red"!?
Her "I don't know!. Why!?"
Him "So they can hide in cherry trees"!
Him "Have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a cherry tree"!?
Her "No"
Him "Pretty good aren't they"!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
I like to say this one when people are whining about gas prices:
Did you hear that Stop and Go and BP are combining companies!? They are going to call themselves Stop And Pee!.
It sounds dumb when you just read it, but bringing it up when people are whining about gas prices usually makes them laugh and they stop whining and talk about something else!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Did you hear that Stop and Go and BP are combining companies!? They are going to call themselves Stop And Pee!.
It sounds dumb when you just read it, but bringing it up when people are whining about gas prices usually makes them laugh and they stop whining and talk about something else!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Three blonds die in a car crash!. They find themselves at the pearly gates looking at saint Peter!. Saint Peter says there's too many people coming into Heaven today, So the one person who knows the most about Jesus comes into Heave!.
He asks the first blond to tell him bout easter!. She says,"It's a holiday with a big feast with a turkey and everyone pretends to be thankful for what they have!. "
Wrong! Says saint Peter!. The blond goes to hell!. He asks the same question to the other blond!.
Its a holiday with a tree and you give and receive presents!"
Wrong! says Saint Peter!. He sighs and looks at the last blond and asks her!.
Its a holiday that began with Jesus last supper!. He was betrayed by Judah and was crucified for our sins!.
Very Good! , said saint Peter!.
No I'm not done!, the blond said!. Once a year his priest opens his coffin and lets him walk around!. If he sees his shadow, that means there's six more weeks of basketball!Www@Enter-QA@Com
He asks the first blond to tell him bout easter!. She says,"It's a holiday with a big feast with a turkey and everyone pretends to be thankful for what they have!. "
Wrong! Says saint Peter!. The blond goes to hell!. He asks the same question to the other blond!.
Its a holiday with a tree and you give and receive presents!"
Wrong! says Saint Peter!. He sighs and looks at the last blond and asks her!.
Its a holiday that began with Jesus last supper!. He was betrayed by Judah and was crucified for our sins!.
Very Good! , said saint Peter!.
No I'm not done!, the blond said!. Once a year his priest opens his coffin and lets him walk around!. If he sees his shadow, that means there's six more weeks of basketball!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Usually everyone who has a dog would call the dog Rover or something!. I call mine "Sex"!. Sex is a very embarrassing name, but I never knew HOW embarrassing until one day I took Sex for a walk and he ran away from me!. I spent hours looking for him!. A police officer came along and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning!. I said, "I was looking for Sex!."
My court case comes up next Thursday!.
One day I went to City Hall to get a license for Sex!. The clerk asked me what I wanted, I told him I wanted a license for Sex!. He said "I would like to have one too!" When I said "But this is a dog," he said he didn't care what she looked like!. Then I said, "You don't understand!. I've had Sex since I was two years old!."
He replied, "You must have been a strong boy!."
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I wanted to have Sex at the wedding!. He told me to wait until after the wedding!. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole lifestyle revolves around Sex!."
He said he did not want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in a church!. I told him everyone coming to the wedding would enjoy having Sex there!. The next day we were married by the Justice of the Peace!. My family is barred from the church!.
My wife and I took the dog along with us on the honeymoon!. When I checked into the motel I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and myself and a special room for Sex!. The clerk said that every room in the Motel is for Sex!. Then I said, "You don't understand!. Sex keeps me awake at night", and the clerk said,"Me too!."
One day I told my friend that I had Sex on TV!. He said, "Show off!" I told him it was a contest, and he told me I should have sold tickets!.
When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog!. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married" and the Judge said, "Me too!."
When I told him that after I was married Sex had left me, he said, "Me too!."
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been married, divorced and had more trouble with that dog than I ever gambled for!. Why just the other day when I went for my first visit with the psychiatrist and she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble!?"
I replied, "Well, Sex has died and left my life!. It's like losing a best friend and it's so lonely!."
The doctor said, "Look Mister, you and I both know that sex isn't man's best friend!. Why not get yourself a dog!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com
My court case comes up next Thursday!.
One day I went to City Hall to get a license for Sex!. The clerk asked me what I wanted, I told him I wanted a license for Sex!. He said "I would like to have one too!" When I said "But this is a dog," he said he didn't care what she looked like!. Then I said, "You don't understand!. I've had Sex since I was two years old!."
He replied, "You must have been a strong boy!."
When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I wanted to have Sex at the wedding!. He told me to wait until after the wedding!. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole lifestyle revolves around Sex!."
He said he did not want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in a church!. I told him everyone coming to the wedding would enjoy having Sex there!. The next day we were married by the Justice of the Peace!. My family is barred from the church!.
My wife and I took the dog along with us on the honeymoon!. When I checked into the motel I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and myself and a special room for Sex!. The clerk said that every room in the Motel is for Sex!. Then I said, "You don't understand!. Sex keeps me awake at night", and the clerk said,"Me too!."
One day I told my friend that I had Sex on TV!. He said, "Show off!" I told him it was a contest, and he told me I should have sold tickets!.
When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog!. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married" and the Judge said, "Me too!."
When I told him that after I was married Sex had left me, he said, "Me too!."
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been married, divorced and had more trouble with that dog than I ever gambled for!. Why just the other day when I went for my first visit with the psychiatrist and she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble!?"
I replied, "Well, Sex has died and left my life!. It's like losing a best friend and it's so lonely!."
The doctor said, "Look Mister, you and I both know that sex isn't man's best friend!. Why not get yourself a dog!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Your lucky!.!.!. you caught the eye of the master of comedy!. I got some up my sleeve
Why was the blonde fired from the m&m factory
She threw away all the W's
A physics teacher put a chair on the table and told his class to write a paper explaining how it dosnt exist!. One person got an A!. His answer: "What Chair" Www@Enter-QA@Com
Why was the blonde fired from the m&m factory
She threw away all the W's
A physics teacher put a chair on the table and told his class to write a paper explaining how it dosnt exist!. One person got an A!. His answer: "What Chair" Www@Enter-QA@Com
knock knock!.!.
whos there!?
smell mop!.
smell mop who!?
lol!.!. get it!.!. smell my poo!.
i know its kinda cheesy put people die with laughter when they say it! it will make u and any one else watching crack up too watching as they say it, then realize what they said! hhaah :)Www@Enter-QA@Com
whos there!?
smell mop!.
smell mop who!?
lol!.!. get it!.!. smell my poo!.
i know its kinda cheesy put people die with laughter when they say it! it will make u and any one else watching crack up too watching as they say it, then realize what they said! hhaah :)Www@Enter-QA@Com
Two cows are standing in a field!.
One cow turns to the other and says, 'Hey, man, did you hear about this mad cow disease!?"
The other one says: "Mad cow disease, why should I care, I'm a helicopter!"
Www@Enter-QA@Com
One cow turns to the other and says, 'Hey, man, did you hear about this mad cow disease!?"
The other one says: "Mad cow disease, why should I care, I'm a helicopter!"
Www@Enter-QA@Com
why do black people eat tootsie rolls with a fork!? so they dont bite there finger! why dont you run over a black person on a bike!? its probably your bike! wht starts with an n and ends with an r that u never wanna call a black person!? neighborWww@Enter-QA@Com
a teacher asks her students to stands up if you think your stupid!. Only one kid stands up!. so the teachers asks him!. "Why did you stand up"!? The kid replies, "I felt bad you were the only one"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Uummm Idk if this one is 'appropriate' but if you get the first post comment you could say:
Comment Virginity Taken!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Comment Virginity Taken!Www@Enter-QA@Com
-When a bucket gets sick, it gets a little pale!. (pale, pail)
-Cows should be seen not heard (heard, herd)
Www@Enter-QA@Com
-Cows should be seen not heard (heard, herd)
Www@Enter-QA@Com
a tacky one for you
Why don't seagulls fly over the bay!?
Because they'd be called baygulls!. "groan"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Why don't seagulls fly over the bay!?
Because they'd be called baygulls!. "groan"Www@Enter-QA@Com
@ Person above me ,omg, 'f' is such a funny joke, I'm laughin my @ss off over here!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
<<<You might get some ideas from my profile =)Www@Enter-QA@Com
hey your mom!.Www@Enter-QA@Com