What are some good jokes? 10 points!!
Question: What are some good jokes!? 10 points!
Take your time, whats some good jokes!. I want a good laugh!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
A man walks into a bar with a giraffe on a leash and sits down!. He orders a couple of drinks and soon the giraffe gets hammered and faints onto the floor!. The man simply gets up and walks away!. The bartender comes running after him and says
'You can't just leave that lyin there!'
And the man goes, 'Its not a lion, its a Giraffe'
(say it out loud!. makes more sense)
There's a town where there's a church but nobody to ring the bell!. So the town holds an audition to find someone who can ring the bell for them!. First, a man steps up and hits the bell with a hammer!. Its loud but the people of the town want something louder!. Various people come up and try and hit the bell but nobody is loud enough!. Finally, one man comes along and smacks the bell with his face!. Its really loud and the church council decide that he is the man for the job!.
The man does his job for the next couple of months very well!. However, one day, he hits the bell so hard with his face that it goes way up high, comesa down and hits him straight off the church!. The man flies off and dies!. A crowd gathers around his body and inspect it and everyone asks who this guy dead in the street is!.
Finally one smart-@ss comes along and says,' I don't know who he is, but his face rings a bell!.'Www@Enter-QA@Com
'You can't just leave that lyin there!'
And the man goes, 'Its not a lion, its a Giraffe'
(say it out loud!. makes more sense)
There's a town where there's a church but nobody to ring the bell!. So the town holds an audition to find someone who can ring the bell for them!. First, a man steps up and hits the bell with a hammer!. Its loud but the people of the town want something louder!. Various people come up and try and hit the bell but nobody is loud enough!. Finally, one man comes along and smacks the bell with his face!. Its really loud and the church council decide that he is the man for the job!.
The man does his job for the next couple of months very well!. However, one day, he hits the bell so hard with his face that it goes way up high, comesa down and hits him straight off the church!. The man flies off and dies!. A crowd gathers around his body and inspect it and everyone asks who this guy dead in the street is!.
Finally one smart-@ss comes along and says,' I don't know who he is, but his face rings a bell!.'Www@Enter-QA@Com
This woman is rushed to the hospital in critical condition!. Her husband waits patiently in the waiting room!.
After a few minutes, the doctor comes out and asks her assistant for a wrench, which understandably concerns the husband!.
Then, after a couple more moments, the doctor re-enters the room this time asking for a screwdriver!.
The man grows worried and begins to pace in circles!. Then, a little later, the doctor bursts through the doors screaming for a hammer!.
At that, the husband, in a state of frenzied terror, runs up to the surgeon and asks, ''Doctor, what the heck is wrong with my wife!?''
"I don't know," replies the flustered doctor, "I can't get my damn bag open!."
Www@Enter-QA@Com
After a few minutes, the doctor comes out and asks her assistant for a wrench, which understandably concerns the husband!.
Then, after a couple more moments, the doctor re-enters the room this time asking for a screwdriver!.
The man grows worried and begins to pace in circles!. Then, a little later, the doctor bursts through the doors screaming for a hammer!.
At that, the husband, in a state of frenzied terror, runs up to the surgeon and asks, ''Doctor, what the heck is wrong with my wife!?''
"I don't know," replies the flustered doctor, "I can't get my damn bag open!."
Www@Enter-QA@Com
Ok!.
First one:
There is a female pharmacist from NY that moves down south!. !. & she gets a job as a pharmacist down there!.
So then this typical redneck father comes in & says, "I'd like to buy some birth control for my daughter!."
The pharmacist asks how old she is!.
"Eleven!."
"Eleven, she's sexually active @ 11!?!"
"No, she just lays there like her momma does!.'
Another one:
Why don't the Mexicans have an olympic team!?
!. !. !.
Because anyone who can run, jump or swim is already in America!.
Ok, I am stopping!. !.!. most of them are prejudice or racist!. !. or sexual!. !. !.as most of them were told by my dad!. !.
Sorry if the 2 offended anyone!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
First one:
There is a female pharmacist from NY that moves down south!. !. & she gets a job as a pharmacist down there!.
So then this typical redneck father comes in & says, "I'd like to buy some birth control for my daughter!."
The pharmacist asks how old she is!.
"Eleven!."
"Eleven, she's sexually active @ 11!?!"
"No, she just lays there like her momma does!.'
Another one:
Why don't the Mexicans have an olympic team!?
!. !. !.
Because anyone who can run, jump or swim is already in America!.
Ok, I am stopping!. !.!. most of them are prejudice or racist!. !. or sexual!. !. !.as most of them were told by my dad!. !.
Sorry if the 2 offended anyone!.
Www@Enter-QA@Com
The phone rings and the lady of the house answers,
"Hello"
"Mrs!. Ward, please"!.
"Speaking"
"Mrs!. Ward, this is Dr!. Jones at the medical testing laboratory!. When your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy for another Mr!. Ward arrived at the same time, and we are now uncertain which biopsy is your husband's!. Frankly, the results are either bad or terrible!."
"What do you mean!?" Mrs!. Ward asks nervously!.
"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other tested positive for AIDS!. We can't tell which is your husband's!."
"That's terrible! Can't you do the test again!?" questioned Mrs!. Ward!.
"Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests once"
"Well, what am I supposed to do now!?"
"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town!. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him!." Www@Enter-QA@Com
"Hello"
"Mrs!. Ward, please"!.
"Speaking"
"Mrs!. Ward, this is Dr!. Jones at the medical testing laboratory!. When your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy for another Mr!. Ward arrived at the same time, and we are now uncertain which biopsy is your husband's!. Frankly, the results are either bad or terrible!."
"What do you mean!?" Mrs!. Ward asks nervously!.
"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other tested positive for AIDS!. We can't tell which is your husband's!."
"That's terrible! Can't you do the test again!?" questioned Mrs!. Ward!.
"Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests once"
"Well, what am I supposed to do now!?"
"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town!. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him!." Www@Enter-QA@Com
mom calls the husband a "bastard" and then the dad calls the wife a "b****" and billy goes to his mom and says "mom what's a b**** and a bastard!?" and the mom says "well, a b**** is a lady and a bastard is a gentlemen" and then later billy goes outside and listens to his neighbors, and hears "Put your penis in my vagina!" So Billy goes to his mom and says "mom whats a penis and vagina!?" His moms says "Well Billy, a penis is a hat and a vagina is a coat" and then later billy sees his dad shaving and cuts himself and says "s***" and billy said "Dad, whats s***" And then his dad says "Well billy, s*** is a type of Shaving cream " and then billy goes to see his mom cutting the turkey and his mom cuts her finger and says "f***!" and then billy says to his mom "Mom whats f***!?" "Well billy f*** is a way of cutting the turkey" and Then later the guests arrive and billy goes to them and says "Hello b***es and bastards, may i take your penis's and vaginas, my dad's upstairs wiping s*** off his face, and my mom is in the kitchen f***ing the TurkeyWww@Enter-QA@Com
(Ring Ring) Hello!? Hi this is daddy is mommy by the phone!? no she is upstairs with Uncle max!. You don't have a Uncle Max yes i do!. Well put the phone down and tell mommy that daddy is pulling in the driveway!.!.!.!.!.!.!. did you do it yup!. what did she say!? well she started freaking out jumped out of the bed without clothes and hit the dresser with her head and isn't moving!. (silence)!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. well what did uncle max do!? he jumped out the window and jumped into the pool but he must not have known you drained the water all ready!. and he is not moving i think he is dead!. Swimming Pool!? is this 454-8239968!? no!. I think you have the wrong number!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Bubba liked to frequent the old swimming hole but was never able to attract the girls!.
He decided to ask his friend Billy-Bob for advice!.
"It's those big baggy swimming trunks that make you look like an old fool!.!.
They're years outta style!. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos, about two sizes too little, and drop a fist-sized tater down inside them!. I'm telling ya man!.!.!.you'll have all the babes you want!"
The following weekend, Bubba hits the swimming hole with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato!.
Everybody at the swimming hole was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking sick!
Bubba went back to his buddy Billy-Bob and asked him, "What's wrong now!?"
"Lard-Almighty Bubba!" said Billy-Bob, "the tater goes in the front!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
He decided to ask his friend Billy-Bob for advice!.
"It's those big baggy swimming trunks that make you look like an old fool!.!.
They're years outta style!. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos, about two sizes too little, and drop a fist-sized tater down inside them!. I'm telling ya man!.!.!.you'll have all the babes you want!"
The following weekend, Bubba hits the swimming hole with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato!.
Everybody at the swimming hole was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away, laughing, looking sick!
Bubba went back to his buddy Billy-Bob and asked him, "What's wrong now!?"
"Lard-Almighty Bubba!" said Billy-Bob, "the tater goes in the front!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Whose father is dumber!?
Jay and Sam meet in the street and they start arguing which one has the dumber father!. Jay says, “Well listen!. My father told me to find out if he is at the office or not!. Well all he had to do was to call the office and find out himself!. Two minutes and he would be done!.That is stupid if I’ve ever heard it!.”
Sam says “Well that is nothing!. My dad told me to buy a car with one penny and a microwave with the other!. But he didn’t tell me which penny was for the car and which one is for the microwave!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Jay and Sam meet in the street and they start arguing which one has the dumber father!. Jay says, “Well listen!. My father told me to find out if he is at the office or not!. Well all he had to do was to call the office and find out himself!. Two minutes and he would be done!.That is stupid if I’ve ever heard it!.”
Sam says “Well that is nothing!. My dad told me to buy a car with one penny and a microwave with the other!. But he didn’t tell me which penny was for the car and which one is for the microwave!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
the first grade teacher asks her class "what word starts with the letter A!?"
little johnny raises his hand and yells "ASSH*OLE!"
the teacher gets flustered and asks the class "what word starts with the letter B!?"
little johnny raises his hand and yells "BIT*H!"
the teacher starts thinking and was careful not to choose johnny with a letter that starts a curse word!. she gets down to R and realizes that there are no curse words starting with R!. so when little johnny raises his hand she picks on him!.
he says "rat!.!.!. with a COCK THIS MOTHERFU*KING BIG!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
little johnny raises his hand and yells "ASSH*OLE!"
the teacher gets flustered and asks the class "what word starts with the letter B!?"
little johnny raises his hand and yells "BIT*H!"
the teacher starts thinking and was careful not to choose johnny with a letter that starts a curse word!. she gets down to R and realizes that there are no curse words starting with R!. so when little johnny raises his hand she picks on him!.
he says "rat!.!.!. with a COCK THIS MOTHERFU*KING BIG!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest!. The man's tie was
stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of
his torn coat pocket!. He opened his newspaper and began reading!. After a few minutes the man turned to
the priest and asked," Say, Father, what causes arthritis!?"
"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, a contempt for
your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of bath!." "Well, I'll be damned," the drunk
muttered, returning to his paper!. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and
apologized!. "I'm very sorry!. I didn't mean to come on so strong!. How long have you had arthritis!?" "I
don't have it, Father!. I was just reading here that the Pope does!."
A bonde walked up to the information desk in her local hospital and said, "I, need, to see the upturn,
please!."
"I think, you mean the 'intern,' don't you!?" asked the nurse on duty!.
"Yes," said the girl!. "I want to have a contamination!."
"Don't you mean 'examination,'" the nurse questioned her again!.
"Well I want to go to the 'fraternity ward,' anyway!."
"I'm sure you mean the maternity ward!."
To which the blonde replied "Upturn, intern, contamination, examination fraternity, maternity!.!.!.!.
What's the difference!? All I know is I, haven't demonstrated in two months, and I think I'm stagnant
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train!.
After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower!.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but
I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket!."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea!.!.!. just for tonight,
let's pretend we're married!."
The woman thinks for a moment!. "Why not," she giggles!.
"Great," he replies, "Get your own damn blanket!"
Well i guess that's all i have for now!.!.hope u get the laugh!
Www@Enter-QA@Com
stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of
his torn coat pocket!. He opened his newspaper and began reading!. After a few minutes the man turned to
the priest and asked," Say, Father, what causes arthritis!?"
"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, a contempt for
your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of bath!." "Well, I'll be damned," the drunk
muttered, returning to his paper!. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and
apologized!. "I'm very sorry!. I didn't mean to come on so strong!. How long have you had arthritis!?" "I
don't have it, Father!. I was just reading here that the Pope does!."
A bonde walked up to the information desk in her local hospital and said, "I, need, to see the upturn,
please!."
"I think, you mean the 'intern,' don't you!?" asked the nurse on duty!.
"Yes," said the girl!. "I want to have a contamination!."
"Don't you mean 'examination,'" the nurse questioned her again!.
"Well I want to go to the 'fraternity ward,' anyway!."
"I'm sure you mean the maternity ward!."
To which the blonde replied "Upturn, intern, contamination, examination fraternity, maternity!.!.!.!.
What's the difference!? All I know is I, haven't demonstrated in two months, and I think I'm stagnant
A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train!.
After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep, the woman on the top bunk, the man on the lower!.
In the middle of the night the woman leans over, wakes the man and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but
I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket!."
The man leans out and, with a glint in his eye, says, "I've got a better idea!.!.!. just for tonight,
let's pretend we're married!."
The woman thinks for a moment!. "Why not," she giggles!.
"Great," he replies, "Get your own damn blanket!"
Well i guess that's all i have for now!.!.hope u get the laugh!
Www@Enter-QA@Com
a family of american indians are all sat in side there house/tent
his 1st child asks "daddy why am i called running bear"
"thats a good question" replys the dad "when you where born the first thing i saw when i looked out of our home was a running bear"
the 2nd child asks the same "daddy why am i called rising sun"
"for the same reason son!.!.!.!." he replies " when i looked outside i saw a rising sun"
the 3rd child asks the same question
the dad replies "why do you ask man sh*gging chicken!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com
his 1st child asks "daddy why am i called running bear"
"thats a good question" replys the dad "when you where born the first thing i saw when i looked out of our home was a running bear"
the 2nd child asks the same "daddy why am i called rising sun"
"for the same reason son!.!.!.!." he replies " when i looked outside i saw a rising sun"
the 3rd child asks the same question
the dad replies "why do you ask man sh*gging chicken!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com
One day, a chicken crossed the road!. Suddenly a witness saw the whole thing!. He made a joke out of it!. He asked his friend why a chicken would cross a road at a particular time!. The man said, to go to the other side! His friend left with a disgusted look in his face!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Whats the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnate woman!?
You can unscrew a lightbulbWww@Enter-QA@Com
You can unscrew a lightbulbWww@Enter-QA@Com
http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=WhB6vAozi!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com