Jokes tell me one?!


Question: Jokes tell me one!?
any one got any good jokes i hav'nt heard a good un for agesWww@Enter-QA@Com


Answers:
It is near the end of the school year!. The teacher has turned in the grades and there is really nothing more to do!. All the children are restless because of this!.

Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today!."

Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here!. I'm smart and will answer the question!."

Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'!?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln!."

Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home!."

Johnny is MAD that Susie answered the question first!.

Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'!?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King!."

Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go!."

Johnny is even madder than before!.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'!?"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F!. Kennedy!."

Teacher: "That's right Nancy, you may also leave!."

Johnny is BOILING mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions!.

When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"

The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT!?!!?!"

Johnny: "BILL CLINTON!. CAN I GO NOW!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com

A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door!. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side!.

She is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog!. The fireman says "Hey little girl!. What are you doing!?" The little girl says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!"

The fireman walks over to take a closer look!. "Little girl that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says!. "Thanks mister", says the little girl!. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the dog to the wagon by it's testicles!.

"Little girl", says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster!."

The little girl says, "You're probably right mister, but then I wouldn't have a siren!"Www@Enter-QA@Com

Here's one I like (not so PC, but pretty funny!)


THE HORTH WITHPERER

Bob calls his buddy Sam, the horse rancher, and says he's sending a friend over to look at a horse

Sam asks "How will I recognize him!?"

That's easy, he's a midget with a speech impediment!."

So, the midget shows up, and Sam asks him if he's looking for a male or female horse!.

"A female horth!."

So he shows him a prized filly!.

"Nith lookin' horth!. Can I thee her eyeth"!?

Sam picks up the midget and he gives the horse's eyes the once over!.

"Nith eyeth, can I thee her earzth"!? So he picks the little fella up again, and shows him the horse's ears!.

"Nith earzth, can I thee her mouf"!?

The rancher is gettin' pretty ticked off by this point, but he picks him up again and shows him the horse's mouth!.

"Nith mouf, can I thee her twat"!?

Totally mad at this point, the rancher grabs him under his arms and rams the midget's head as far as he can up the horse's butt, pulls him out and slams him on the ground!.

The midget gets up, sputtering and coughing!.

"Perhapth I should rephrase that; Can I thee her wun awound a widdlebit!."Www@Enter-QA@Com

There are three guys in a bar!. Two are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives!. The third remains silent!. After awhile one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife!?"
"Well, just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees!."
His friends were amazed! "What happened then!?"
"Well, then she said, "GET OUT FROM UNDER THE BED AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN"


Three women go to Heaven!. St Peter says, "We only have one rule here in Heaven: don't step on the ducks!."
They enter Heaven, and there are ducks all over the place and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one!.
St Peter chains a really ugly man to her and says, "Your punishment is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!."
The second woman steps accidentally on a duck, and St Peter chains another ugly man to her!.
The third woman was very careful where she stepped!. A while later, St Peter chained a handsome man to her!. He was tall, tanned, slim and muscular!. (A bit like me!)
The woman, thinking that this is great, remarks, "I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity!."
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!."Www@Enter-QA@Com

a little girl and her father went into the barbers!. the little girl was eating a huge giant cake!. her father sat down and started havinh his hair cut!. the girl followed him!. the barber looked down at the little girl, smiled and said"your gonna get hair on your muffin"
"i know" she replied!."and im gonna get get ti ts too you dirtyn old bastard!"Www@Enter-QA@Com

A lady goes on the bus with her baby!. The guy sitting next to her says "That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!."
The lady goes stomping to the back of the bus!. She tells the guy next to her "That man just insulted me!."
Then the guy next to her says "Oh, you better go tell him off!. Here I'll hold your monkey!."Www@Enter-QA@Com

A guy gets home runs into the house, slams the door and says ," Honey , pack your bags!.I won the Lottery!"The wife says, Wow ! That's great! I,m so happy !Should i pack for the ocean , or should i pack for the mountains!?"he says , I dont care !. Just get the Hell out ! 'Www@Enter-QA@Com

what do you call an indian with pink hair!.

Ghandi Floss!.
(lame i no but it cracks me up)!.

A horse goes into a bar and sits at the counter!. The barman asks; "Why the long face!?"
"I've got leaukaemia", the horse replies!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

why is the egyptian kid confused!?
cos his daddy is a mummy

what did the blonde say when the doctor said she was pregnant!?
are you sure it's mine!?Www@Enter-QA@Com

Today, at the new sperm bank in London, things did not start well!. The first client came on the bus, the next one missed his tube!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

I farted going up the stairs today thought no one was around but they were quiet!. Opps! (and I thought the echoing in the mountains was loud)Www@Enter-QA@Com

Whats green, flat, and covered in cookie crumbs!? A ran over girl scout!
what has four wheels and flies!? A garbage truck!
yeah!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

Q: What can you do with a legless dog!?

A: Take it for a drag!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

what's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball!?
-you're supposed to throw a bowling ball!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com



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