Whats the best joke you can think of?!
Question: Whats the best joke you can think of!?
Winner Wins Best Prize and A little something else!.!.!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
1)This woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out!. She rattles off: “Doctor, take a look at me!. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!!?”
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight!.!.!.!.”
i got another one!.!.!.
2)A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course!. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course!. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer!.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen!. You truly are a kind man!.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years!.”
and another!.!.!.
3) A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”!.
“Oh dear, what's the bad news!?” asks the patient!.
The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live!.”
“That's terrible”, said the patient!. “How can the news possibly be worse!?”
The doctor replies, “I've been trying to contact you since yesterday!.”
and another!.!.!.it's not really a joke but a funny fact =)
4) When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity!. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C!.
The Russians used a pencil!.
BEST TO LAST
5)I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather!.
Not screaming in terror like his passengers!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: “Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight!.!.!.!.”
i got another one!.!.!.
2)A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course!. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course!. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer!.
His friend says: “Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen!. You truly are a kind man!.”
The man then replies: “Yeah, well we were married 35 years!.”
and another!.!.!.
3) A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse news”!.
“Oh dear, what's the bad news!?” asks the patient!.
The doctor replies, “You only have 24 hours to live!.”
“That's terrible”, said the patient!. “How can the news possibly be worse!?”
The doctor replies, “I've been trying to contact you since yesterday!.”
and another!.!.!.it's not really a joke but a funny fact =)
4) When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity!. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C!.
The Russians used a pencil!.
BEST TO LAST
5)I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather!.
Not screaming in terror like his passengers!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
A gentleman on a flight to Atlanta had a serious problem!. He had made several attempts to get into the mena€?s restroom, but found it to be occupied!.
The stewardess noticed that he was walking funny, taking small steps, and had a look of pain and anxiety on his face!. a€?Sir,a€? she said, a€?the ladiesa€? restroom is unoccupied!. You may use it if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall!.a€?
He was about to pop, and would have promised anything, so he agreed to her terms!. The relief was pure joy, and as he sat there, savoring the feeling he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch!. Three white buttons were identified by the letters: a€?WWa€?, a€?WAa€?, and a€?PPa€?, and there was one red button labeled a€?ATR!.a€?
Who would really know if he touched them!? He couldna€?t just sit there and resist a challenge like this, so he pushed the a€?WWa€? button!. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom!. Such a nice feeling came over him!. The mena€?s restroom didna€?t have nice things like this!.
Anticipating even greater pleasure, he pressed the a€?WAa€? button!. Warm air replaced the warm water, wafting and swirling about, gently drying his underside!. He knew what he was going to do when the warm air stopped, and without hesitation, he pressed the a€?PPa€? button!. A large powder puff caressed his bottom, adding a fragrant scent of spring flowers to his unbelievable pleasure!.
The ladiesa€? room was far more than a restroom; it was a place of tender, loving pleasure! He could hardly wait for the powder puff to quit!. When it did, he pushed what he knew was going to be the ultimate joy!.
He knew he was in the hospital as soon as he opened his eyes!. A nurse was staring down at him with a smirk on her face!.
a€?What happened!? How did I get here!? The last thing I remember, I was in the ladiesa€? restroom on a flight to Atlanta!a€?
a€?You pushed one too many buttons,a€? replied the nurse, as her smirk expanded to a grin!. a€?That last button marked a€?ATRa€? is an automatic tampon remover!. Your penis is under your pillow!.a€?Www@Enter-QA@Com
The stewardess noticed that he was walking funny, taking small steps, and had a look of pain and anxiety on his face!. a€?Sir,a€? she said, a€?the ladiesa€? restroom is unoccupied!. You may use it if you promise not to touch any of the buttons on the wall!.a€?
He was about to pop, and would have promised anything, so he agreed to her terms!. The relief was pure joy, and as he sat there, savoring the feeling he noticed the buttons he had promised not to touch!. Three white buttons were identified by the letters: a€?WWa€?, a€?WAa€?, and a€?PPa€?, and there was one red button labeled a€?ATR!.a€?
Who would really know if he touched them!? He couldna€?t just sit there and resist a challenge like this, so he pushed the a€?WWa€? button!. Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom!. Such a nice feeling came over him!. The mena€?s restroom didna€?t have nice things like this!.
Anticipating even greater pleasure, he pressed the a€?WAa€? button!. Warm air replaced the warm water, wafting and swirling about, gently drying his underside!. He knew what he was going to do when the warm air stopped, and without hesitation, he pressed the a€?PPa€? button!. A large powder puff caressed his bottom, adding a fragrant scent of spring flowers to his unbelievable pleasure!.
The ladiesa€? room was far more than a restroom; it was a place of tender, loving pleasure! He could hardly wait for the powder puff to quit!. When it did, he pushed what he knew was going to be the ultimate joy!.
He knew he was in the hospital as soon as he opened his eyes!. A nurse was staring down at him with a smirk on her face!.
a€?What happened!? How did I get here!? The last thing I remember, I was in the ladiesa€? restroom on a flight to Atlanta!a€?
a€?You pushed one too many buttons,a€? replied the nurse, as her smirk expanded to a grin!. a€?That last button marked a€?ATRa€? is an automatic tampon remover!. Your penis is under your pillow!.a€?Www@Enter-QA@Com
A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day,
only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner!. "Good morning," said the young man!. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners!." "Go away!" said the old lady!. "I'm broke and don't have any money!" and she proceeded to close the door!. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open!. "Don't be too hasty!" he said!. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration!." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet!. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder!." The old lady stepped back and said, "Well let me get you a fork, 'cause they cut off my electricity this morning!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
only to be confronted by a well-dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner!. "Good morning," said the young man!. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high-powered vacuum cleaners!." "Go away!" said the old lady!. "I'm broke and don't have any money!" and she proceeded to close the door!. Quick as a flash, the young man wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open!. "Don't be too hasty!" he said!. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration!." And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet!. "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder!." The old lady stepped back and said, "Well let me get you a fork, 'cause they cut off my electricity this morning!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
OK, there was this lady and she was going to dinner with her boyfriend at his house to meet his family!. well she started to feel gassy earlier in the day, so she thought i would probably pass by diner!. well diner arrived and she wasn't feeling any less gasy!. so when she got to her boyfriends house their was a huge table filled with all his closest relatives!. she was sitting there and her boy friends mom said they were having brocili for diner!. well she thought great that will make me even more gasy!. so after a little while she really had to fart, and she noticed that the dog skippy was sitting on the floor next to her, so she farted!.
the boyfriends dad hollers "skippy, get over here"
well pretty soon she had to fart again so seeing as the dog was still sitting next to her she farted!.
the dad hollers "skippy get your as$ over here"
a little time had passed and she realized she had to fart again!. well this time she let out the biggest fart possible!.
the dad hollers "goddamnit skippy, get over her before she sh*ts all over you!.
*
heres another one cuase i just heard it and i think its funny!.
there was this man walkin along on the beach!. he had his head bent in prayer when all of a sudden he heard a voice say!.
this is the lord, since you have always tried to be faithful to be me in all ways i will grand you one wish!.
the man thought about it for a while and said, "lord, could you build me a bridge to hawaii so i can go there anytime i want!.
god said " you wish is very materalistic!. think of the challenges there would be in building a bridge like that!. all teh supports and and concret and steel!. i can build it, but its really hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things!. why don't you take some time and think of another wish, on that would honor and glorify me"
so the man thought and thought!. and finaly he said "god i want to understand women!. i want to know how they feel inside and what there thinking!. i want to know why they cry and what they really mean when they say "nothing"!. and i want to know how to truly make a women happy"
god then replied " do you want two or four lanes on that bridge"!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
the boyfriends dad hollers "skippy, get over here"
well pretty soon she had to fart again so seeing as the dog was still sitting next to her she farted!.
the dad hollers "skippy get your as$ over here"
a little time had passed and she realized she had to fart again!. well this time she let out the biggest fart possible!.
the dad hollers "goddamnit skippy, get over her before she sh*ts all over you!.
*
heres another one cuase i just heard it and i think its funny!.
there was this man walkin along on the beach!. he had his head bent in prayer when all of a sudden he heard a voice say!.
this is the lord, since you have always tried to be faithful to be me in all ways i will grand you one wish!.
the man thought about it for a while and said, "lord, could you build me a bridge to hawaii so i can go there anytime i want!.
god said " you wish is very materalistic!. think of the challenges there would be in building a bridge like that!. all teh supports and and concret and steel!. i can build it, but its really hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things!. why don't you take some time and think of another wish, on that would honor and glorify me"
so the man thought and thought!. and finaly he said "god i want to understand women!. i want to know how they feel inside and what there thinking!. i want to know why they cry and what they really mean when they say "nothing"!. and i want to know how to truly make a women happy"
god then replied " do you want two or four lanes on that bridge"!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night hes doing a show in a small town!.
With his dummy on his knee ,hes going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman stands up on her chair and starts shouting
"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes!.
What makes you think you can stereotype women that way!?
Whats the colour of a persons hair to do with her worth as a human being!?
Its guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and reaching our full potential as a person,because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women in general and all in the name of humor!"
The man is embarrassed and begins to apologize ,when the blonde yells,
"You stay out of this mister,i,m talking to the disrespectful sh*t on your knee!"
Three women go to Heaven!. St Peter says,
"We only have one rule here in Heaven: don't step on the ducks!."
They enter Heaven, and there are ducks all over the place and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one!.
St Peter chains a really ugly man to her and says, "Your punishment is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!."
The second woman steps accidentally on a duck, and St Peter chains another ugly man to her!.
The third woman was very careful where she stepped!. A while later, St Peter chained a handsome man to her!. He was tall, tanned, slim and muscular!.
The woman, thinking that this is great, remarks,
"I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity!."
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!."
heeheeWww@Enter-QA@Com
With his dummy on his knee ,hes going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman stands up on her chair and starts shouting
"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes!.
What makes you think you can stereotype women that way!?
Whats the colour of a persons hair to do with her worth as a human being!?
Its guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and reaching our full potential as a person,because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes but women in general and all in the name of humor!"
The man is embarrassed and begins to apologize ,when the blonde yells,
"You stay out of this mister,i,m talking to the disrespectful sh*t on your knee!"
Three women go to Heaven!. St Peter says,
"We only have one rule here in Heaven: don't step on the ducks!."
They enter Heaven, and there are ducks all over the place and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one!.
St Peter chains a really ugly man to her and says, "Your punishment is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!."
The second woman steps accidentally on a duck, and St Peter chains another ugly man to her!.
The third woman was very careful where she stepped!. A while later, St Peter chained a handsome man to her!. He was tall, tanned, slim and muscular!.
The woman, thinking that this is great, remarks,
"I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity!."
The guy says, "I don't know about you, but I stepped on a duck!."
heeheeWww@Enter-QA@Com
One day a man went to church to make his confessions!.
He sat down and he said to the priest,
"I feel very guilty I swear whenever I am annoyed, How can I repent my sins!?"
The priest replied
"Tommorrow meet me outside the front of the church, and we shall play a game of golf, but you must not swear, as god will be watching!. If you succeed then god will forgive you!. But if you fail, then he will shoot you with his lightening bolts!."
So the next day the man met the priest outside the church!. They drove to the golf course and chatted along the way!. They arrived and played, the game was going well, and the man hadn't sworn once!. Half way through the game the man hit a beautiful shot, which curved in a majestic arc, and landed in the lake!. In his fury the man called out
"DAMN, I missed"
Then the heavens opened, and gid through down his most powerful lightening bolt, and hit the priest!. Then a booming voice spoke!.
"DAMN, I missed!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
He sat down and he said to the priest,
"I feel very guilty I swear whenever I am annoyed, How can I repent my sins!?"
The priest replied
"Tommorrow meet me outside the front of the church, and we shall play a game of golf, but you must not swear, as god will be watching!. If you succeed then god will forgive you!. But if you fail, then he will shoot you with his lightening bolts!."
So the next day the man met the priest outside the church!. They drove to the golf course and chatted along the way!. They arrived and played, the game was going well, and the man hadn't sworn once!. Half way through the game the man hit a beautiful shot, which curved in a majestic arc, and landed in the lake!. In his fury the man called out
"DAMN, I missed"
Then the heavens opened, and gid through down his most powerful lightening bolt, and hit the priest!. Then a booming voice spoke!.
"DAMN, I missed!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
A man and woman are at home and the man goes out to work
2 minutes later the woman hears a knock on the door and there's a BLACK man stood there she say's hi do you want to come in he replies only for a chocci bic bic, he goes in the house , gets his chocci bic bic then the woman says would you like a cup of tea he replies only for a chocci bic bic gets a chocci bic bic and a cup of tea , then she says would you like to come to my room he replies only for a chocci bic bic he gets the chocci bic bic and goes to her room she then says will you have sex he replies only for a chocci bic bic so she gives him a chocci bic bic and they start having sex and the BLACK man starts pulling all of the womans pubes out and theres one left and she hears a key in the door so she says quick hide in the wardrobe the BLACK man says only for a chocci bic bic then her husband comes walking in the room and says you ok darling what are you doing here she says im just pulling my pubes out and he says wont that last one come out she says no then he says i will try and get it out argh!.!.!. argh!.!.!. argh!.!.!. come out you BLACK Bastar*
and the BLACK man shouts
ONLY FOR A CHOCCI BIC BIC
Top Draw Joke That M8Www@Enter-QA@Com
2 minutes later the woman hears a knock on the door and there's a BLACK man stood there she say's hi do you want to come in he replies only for a chocci bic bic, he goes in the house , gets his chocci bic bic then the woman says would you like a cup of tea he replies only for a chocci bic bic gets a chocci bic bic and a cup of tea , then she says would you like to come to my room he replies only for a chocci bic bic he gets the chocci bic bic and goes to her room she then says will you have sex he replies only for a chocci bic bic so she gives him a chocci bic bic and they start having sex and the BLACK man starts pulling all of the womans pubes out and theres one left and she hears a key in the door so she says quick hide in the wardrobe the BLACK man says only for a chocci bic bic then her husband comes walking in the room and says you ok darling what are you doing here she says im just pulling my pubes out and he says wont that last one come out she says no then he says i will try and get it out argh!.!.!. argh!.!.!. argh!.!.!. come out you BLACK Bastar*
and the BLACK man shouts
ONLY FOR A CHOCCI BIC BIC
Top Draw Joke That M8Www@Enter-QA@Com
a duck walks into a convenient store and asked the clerk " Do you have any gwapes!?" The clerk says no we don't have any wapes!.
The next day the duck comes in and asks the clerk "Do you have any gwapes!?" Irritated the clerk said no we don't have any gwapes!!
The third day the duck comes in and ask "!.!.!.do you have any gwapes!?" The clerk frusterated said"NO!!! We don't have any gwapes and if you come ask again i'm going to staple your feet to the floor!"
The next day the duck came in and asked the clerk "do you have any staples!?" The clerk confused said "no!?!!?" The duck looks at the clerk and says "Do you have any Gwapes!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
The next day the duck comes in and asks the clerk "Do you have any gwapes!?" Irritated the clerk said no we don't have any gwapes!!
The third day the duck comes in and ask "!.!.!.do you have any gwapes!?" The clerk frusterated said"NO!!! We don't have any gwapes and if you come ask again i'm going to staple your feet to the floor!"
The next day the duck came in and asked the clerk "do you have any staples!?" The clerk confused said "no!?!!?" The duck looks at the clerk and says "Do you have any Gwapes!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Bush's War Talk with Primary School Kids!?
George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war!. After his talk he offers question time!. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is!.
"Billy"!.
"And what is your question, Billy!?"
"I have 3 questions!.
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN!?
Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes!?
And
Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden!?
Just then the bell rings for recess!. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess!.
When they resume George says, "OK, where were we!? Oh that's right --- question time!. Who has a question!?"
A different little boy puts up his hand!. George points him out and asks him what his name is!. "Steve"
"And what is your question, Steve!?"
"I have 5 questions!.
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN!?
Second, why are you President when Al Gore got! more votes!?
Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden!?
Fourth, why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early!?
And Fifth, what happened to Billy!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com
George Bush goes to a primary school to talk about the war!. After his talk he offers question time!. One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is!.
"Billy"!.
"And what is your question, Billy!?"
"I have 3 questions!.
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN!?
Second, why are you President when Al Gore got more votes!?
And
Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden!?
Just then the bell rings for recess!. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess!.
When they resume George says, "OK, where were we!? Oh that's right --- question time!. Who has a question!?"
A different little boy puts up his hand!. George points him out and asks him what his name is!. "Steve"
"And what is your question, Steve!?"
"I have 5 questions!.
First, why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN!?
Second, why are you President when Al Gore got! more votes!?
Third, whatever happened to Osama Bin Laden!?
Fourth, why did the recess bell go 20 minutes early!?
And Fifth, what happened to Billy!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com
George Bush had a meeting with Gordon Brown and he said to him in confidence, "How is it you have a royal family, I wish we did!.
"Ah," replied Gordon, "I'll explain it to you!. Britain is a kingdom so we have a king or a queen!.
"Yes!." Replied George!.
"Japan is an Empire so they have an Emperor!."
"Saudi Arabia is an emirate, so they have an Emir"
"Yes I know that!." Said George, "But what's that to do with it!?"
"Well, George," replied Gordon, "You're a country, and they've got you!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
"Ah," replied Gordon, "I'll explain it to you!. Britain is a kingdom so we have a king or a queen!.
"Yes!." Replied George!.
"Japan is an Empire so they have an Emperor!."
"Saudi Arabia is an emirate, so they have an Emir"
"Yes I know that!." Said George, "But what's that to do with it!?"
"Well, George," replied Gordon, "You're a country, and they've got you!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
when your driving past a cemetary:
"Hey, how many people are dead over there!?"
-person frantically tries to count them all!.
"ALL OF THEM!."
"Why is there a fence around the cemetary!?"
-idk!?
"Because people are DYING to get in!"
yeah kinda corny but still keeps me laughing!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
"Hey, how many people are dead over there!?"
-person frantically tries to count them all!.
"ALL OF THEM!."
"Why is there a fence around the cemetary!?"
-idk!?
"Because people are DYING to get in!"
yeah kinda corny but still keeps me laughing!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
what do you call a snail on a ship!?
a snailor! :D
hahahahahaha
man, that joke never gets oldWww@Enter-QA@Com
a snailor! :D
hahahahahaha
man, that joke never gets oldWww@Enter-QA@Com
why my favorite bar joke:
a man walks into a bar and says ouch!.
but funney jokes all depend on what kinda person you are, some people like racial jokes some likes sexual, and some corneyWww@Enter-QA@Com
a man walks into a bar and says ouch!.
but funney jokes all depend on what kinda person you are, some people like racial jokes some likes sexual, and some corneyWww@Enter-QA@Com
a bunch of jokes on here - http://www!.fl5708!.blogspot!.com/Www@Enter-QA@Com
A duck walks into a chemist and says
"Could i have a chap stick please"
"Certainly" says the chemist "That'll be ￡1!.50 please"
And the duck says "just put it on my bill"Www@Enter-QA@Com
"Could i have a chap stick please"
"Certainly" says the chemist "That'll be ￡1!.50 please"
And the duck says "just put it on my bill"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Any nasty fart in public is great!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
simply your look!.!.!.!.!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Whats the definition of Blu Tac!?!?!?
!.!.!.!.Smurf S**t!.!.!.!.!.!.LOL!!!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
!.!.!.!.Smurf S**t!.!.!.!.!.!.LOL!!!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com