Please please please???!


Question: Please please please!?!?!?
i am in a very very very bad mood so please people i need jokes or funny stories to help cheer me up!.
i dont care they can be perverted, blonde jokes, jokes about mexicans, i really dont care, but i seriously need some cheering up!.
thanks =]Www@Enter-QA@Com


Answers:
The Lady and the Facelift
A 47 year-old lady gets a facelift!. It turns out very well and she enjoys showing off her new look!. She goes to the newsstand and asks the man, ''Sir, how old do you think I am''!?
The man replies ''You're 30, right!?'' She says ''No, I'm 47, but nice try!.''

The next day, she goes to McDonald's!. She orders her lunch and asks the young man at the counter, ''How old do you think I am!?''

The man replies, ''You're 37, right!?''

The lady says ''No, I'm 47, but good guess!.''

After lunch, she gets on the bus and she asks an 85-year-old man how old she is!. He replies ''Lady, I can tell how old any woman is by sticking my hand down her panties!.''

So, quietly and quickly, she lets him do so!. He thinks a moment and announces, ''You're 47!''

The lady, astonished, asks, ''How did you know!?''

The old man replies ''I was standing right behind you at McDonald's!.''Www@Enter-QA@Com

A blonde went out to her mail box and looked in, closed the door and went back in the house!. A few minutes later she went out and looked in the mail box again!. She did this several times and her neighbour who was watching her said "you must be expecting a very important letter today the way you keep looking into your mail box!."
The blonde answered, "No, I am working on my computer and it keeps telling me that I have mail!."Www@Enter-QA@Com

A boy walks into a bar!.
The barman says to a costumer which he did the last few days,"This is the stupidist person in the world!.Watch"
And he shows (a 5 dollar note in one hand and a 2 dollar coin in the other hand) to the boy and says"Which do you want, son!?"
The boy takes the 2 dollar coin and leaves!.
The barman says to the costumer,
"What did I tell you!?"

Later, the costumer sees the boy and says to him"Why did you take the 2 dollar coin!?"
The boy replies"because the day I take the 5 dollar note,the game ends!."Www@Enter-QA@Com

It is near the end of the school year!. The teacher has turned in grades and there is really nothing more to do!. All the children are restless because of this!. The teacher says, "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today!." Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here!. I'm smart and will answer the question!."
The teacher asked, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'!?"
Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln!."
The teacher said "That's right Susie, you can go home!."
Johnny was MAD that Susie had answered the question first!.
The teacher asked another question, "Who said 'I Have a Dream'!?"
Before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King"!.
The teacher said, "That's right Mary, you can go!."
Johnny was even madder than before!.
The teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'!?"
Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy said, "John F!. Kennedy"!.
The teacher said, "That's right Nancy, you may also leave!."
Johnny was BOILING mad that he had not been able to answer to any of the questions!.
Then the teacher turned her back and Johnny said, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!"
The teacher turned around and asked, "WHO SAID THAT!?"
Johnny said, BILL CLINTON, CAN I GO NOW!?















did this help !? (:Www@Enter-QA@Com

ok!.!.!. here's some stuff to watch that just makes me pee my pants!.!.!.
http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=a8lvc-azC!.!.!.
http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=80-TvjL6X!.!.!.
http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=92NOXSe7C!.!.!.
http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=EnhvgD_1Y!.!.!.
http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=m1Z9BU6mU!.!.!.

I like these!.!.!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

horse walks into a bad, and barman says; "why the long face!?"!.!.!. appropriate and still hilarious!Www@Enter-QA@Com



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