Joke: A girl came home??!
Question: Joke: A girl came home!?!?
to the hills on college break and her dad asked her what she learned!?
she said I done some arithmatic'n
He said, "well, tell me something rithmatic"
she said "I larned Pi r square!?
he said" that's it, no more college fer you"
she cried "why daddy!?!?"
he said,"I wasted all that money fer yer edcation and everybody knows!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.READY FOR THIS!?!?
Pie are round, corn bread are square!!!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
she said I done some arithmatic'n
He said, "well, tell me something rithmatic"
she said "I larned Pi r square!?
he said" that's it, no more college fer you"
she cried "why daddy!?!?"
he said,"I wasted all that money fer yer edcation and everybody knows!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.READY FOR THIS!?!?
Pie are round, corn bread are square!!!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
Well I'm chucklin' as I'm from them thar hills and I haven't heard that one in ages!. Thanks for the smile much appreciated!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Funny , not the best joke but funny!.
I got one
A guy went over his gfs house and they were stripping!.
The guy took off his sock and he had big spots on his toes!.
girl: Whats that!?
Boy: Its tolo
girl: Dont you mean polo!?
Boy: No TOLO its like polo but it affects the toes
The guy took off his trousers
Girl: Whats that!?
Boy: Neasles
Girl: Dont you mean measles
Boy: No NEASLES its like measles but it only affect the knee
The guy went to take off his pants
Girl: Let me guess you have smallcocks on your cock
and its like smallpox but it only affects the cock
Guy: Wow you know me well
number 2!.
A guy went over his gfs house
The guys name was Paul
The gals name was Harda
They both got into bed together and had ***
All of a sudden Harda's dad came in and shouted
Dad: HARDA HARDA!
Paul: IM TRYING IM TRYING!
Num 3
Sherlock Holmes and Dr!. Watson went on a camping trip!. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they were exhausted and went to sleep!.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend!.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see!."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars!."
"What does that tell you!?" Holmes said Watson pondered for a minute!.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets!. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo!. Timewise, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three!. Theologically, I can see that The lord is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant!. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have, a beautiful day tomorrow!. What does it tell you!?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke!. "Never mind about that!.!.!.!.!.!.Watson, you mouse turd, Some damn idiot has stolen our tent!."
Like them!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
I got one
A guy went over his gfs house and they were stripping!.
The guy took off his sock and he had big spots on his toes!.
girl: Whats that!?
Boy: Its tolo
girl: Dont you mean polo!?
Boy: No TOLO its like polo but it affects the toes
The guy took off his trousers
Girl: Whats that!?
Boy: Neasles
Girl: Dont you mean measles
Boy: No NEASLES its like measles but it only affect the knee
The guy went to take off his pants
Girl: Let me guess you have smallcocks on your cock
and its like smallpox but it only affects the cock
Guy: Wow you know me well
number 2!.
A guy went over his gfs house
The guys name was Paul
The gals name was Harda
They both got into bed together and had ***
All of a sudden Harda's dad came in and shouted
Dad: HARDA HARDA!
Paul: IM TRYING IM TRYING!
Num 3
Sherlock Holmes and Dr!. Watson went on a camping trip!. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they were exhausted and went to sleep!.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend!.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see!."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars!."
"What does that tell you!?" Holmes said Watson pondered for a minute!.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets!. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo!. Timewise, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three!. Theologically, I can see that The lord is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant!. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have, a beautiful day tomorrow!. What does it tell you!?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke!. "Never mind about that!.!.!.!.!.!.Watson, you mouse turd, Some damn idiot has stolen our tent!."
Like them!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
not bad, not great, but not badWww@Enter-QA@Com
I THINK ITS HILARIOUS!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Lol
funny, not the best joke, but rather funny
=)Www@Enter-QA@Com
funny, not the best joke, but rather funny
=)Www@Enter-QA@Com
OHMYFREAKINGGOD!!!
i thought that i was kinda dumb
but this push the envelope!
LOL!!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
i thought that i was kinda dumb
but this push the envelope!
LOL!!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
well done,
u a better than others who talk about
tables!!! crap!!!
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hey Nate u should have posted your own crap
somewhere else!.!.!.!.hahahahhahhaha
hooooohooo
i like this!.!.makes me feel goodWww@Enter-QA@Com
u a better than others who talk about
tables!!! crap!!!
-
-
hey Nate u should have posted your own crap
somewhere else!.!.!.!.hahahahhahhaha
hooooohooo
i like this!.!.makes me feel goodWww@Enter-QA@Com
eeeek!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Haha!.
Cute!.
Star *
;]Www@Enter-QA@Com
Cute!.
Star *
;]Www@Enter-QA@Com
It's funnyWww@Enter-QA@Com
I will buy a CORN!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
hehe *chuckle* its still cuteWww@Enter-QA@Com
lol!. gud one dudeWww@Enter-QA@Com
I liked it!. it made me chuckle a bit!. you shouldn't of put the ready for this!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
lol, not bad not bad :)
heres some more to make ur day!.!.!.!.!.
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam!.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
tomorrow!. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal
injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no
otherexcuses whatsoever!"
A smart *** guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
"What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and
utter sexual exhaustion!?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering!. When silence
was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shaking her
head and sweetly said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with
yourother hand!.
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket!. It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it!. However, when the busboy brought out water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket!. I then looked around the room and saw that all the waitpersons had a spoon in their pocket!.
When the waiter came back to check on our order I asked: ''Why the spoon!?'' ''Well,'' he explained, ''the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting, experts in efficiency, in order to revamp all our processes!. After several months of statistical analysis, they concluded that customers drop their spoons 73!.84% more often than any other utensil!. This represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour!. If our personnel are prepared to deal with that contingency, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 1!.5 man-hours per shift!.''
As we finished talking, a metallic sound was heard from behind me!. Quickly, the waiter replaced the dropped spoon with the one in his pocket and said: ''I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now!.'' I was rather impressed!. The waiter continued taking our order and while my guests ordered, I continued to look around!. I then noticed that there was a very thin string hanging out of the waiter's fly!. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their fly!.
My curiosity got the better of me and before he walked off, I asked the waiter: ''Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there!?'' ''Oh, certainly!'' he answered, lowering his voice!. ''Not everyone is as observant as you!. That consulting firm I mentioned, also found out that we can save time in the restroom!.'' ''How so!?'' ''See,'' he continued, ''by tying this string to the tip of !.!.!.you know!.!.!. we can pull it out over the urinal without touching it and that way eliminate the need to wash the hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76!.39 percent'' ''Okay, that makes sense, but!.!.!. if the string helps you get it out, how do you put it back in!?'' ''Well,'' he whispered, lowering his voice even further, ''I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon!.''
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
Little Jimmy has his first day at school!. His Mom was real worried, and when she picked him up from school at the end of the day, she anxiously asked him how his day went!.
'Well, I came top of the class in Math, I made a touchdown in football, and I had sex with the teacher!.'
'What! How dare you! Get into your room and wait till your father gets home!' Little Jimmy goes to his room, and when his father comes home, Jimmy's mom tells his father, 'I'm absolutely disgusted with Jimmy!. He said he came top of the class in Math, made a touchdown in football, and had sex with the teacher!'
'That's my boy' thinks his Dad!. So he goes upstairs to talk to Jimmy!. 'Don't worry about your Mom!. She's a bit upset, but it sounds to me like you had an awesome day at school!. In fact, I'm so pleased, you know that bicycle I said I was going to buy you for Christmas, I think I'll get it for you this weekend!.'
'Oh no, Dad, don't!. I don't think I'll be able to sit down for a while!.'
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
Bob is a regular guy out at a local bar One night having a good time, Jack, the bartender and owner of the bar, offered him another drink!. As he served the drink Bob spoke up!.
"Hey Jack, you're a betting kinda man aren't ya!?"
"Maybe Bob, what did ya have in mind!?"
"Well Jack, I'll bet you $1,000 that I can put a shot glass at the end of your bar and piss into it without spilling a drop!."
Jack thought to himself, "This guy must be a complete moron! There's no way he is gonna make that!. This is gonna the easiest grand I've ever made!." So the bartender says, "Okay Bob!. You're on!."
Jack walked down to the other end of the bar and positioned a shot glass on the end!. He walked back behind the bar and said, "Okay Bob, Let's see what you got!." Bob unzipped his fly and staring pissing all over the walls, over the bar top, all over the bottle of booze, and all over Jack!. Jack roared with laughter and almost fell over!.
Afterwards he noticed that Bob was sitting at the bar smiling!. "What are you smiling at jackass!? You just lost $1,000!"
"Well Jack, ya see that guy over there in the cowboy hat writing out a check!?"
"Yeah, what about him!?"
"Well I just bet him $10,000 that I could piss all over your bar, your walls AND you, and not only wouldn't you be mad!.!.!.you would laugh hysterically about it!."
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
Q: What did the Bathtub say to the Toilet Bowl!?
A: I may not get as much *** as you do, but I don''t take no ****!.
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe stuttering problem!. After a thorough examination, the doctor consults with the patient!.
Doctor: "It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is thus pulling on your vocal cords, and thereby causing you this annoying problem of stuttering!."
"Ddddd octttor !. Whhaaat cccan I dddo!?"
The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a minute and states that there is a procedure where we can free up the strain on the vocal cords by removing the six inches from the penis and freeing him from this horrible problem!. The patient stuttering badly states that this problem has caused him so much embarrassment as well as loss of employment that anything would be worth it!. The doctor plans for the procedure!. The operation is a success and six months later the patient comes in for his check up!.
Patient: Doctor, the operation was a success!. I have not stuttered since the operation!. I have a great job and my self esteem is fantastic!. However, there is one problem, my wife says that she sort of misses the great sex we used to have before the extra six inches were removed!. So I was wondering if it is possible to reattach those six inches!.
The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a minute and says: "I dddoonnnbt ttthhhinkkkk thatttt wooould bbbbee possssssibbble!"
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city!. In one of the stores, he picks up a mirror and looks in it!. Not knowing what it was, he remarked, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy!."
He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered his wife, Lizzy, didn't like his father!. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it!. Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn!.
One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror!. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly ***** he's runnin' around with!."
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
The Missing Rooster
The priest of a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in a henhouse at the back of the parish manse!. He had a cock rooster and ten hens!.
One Saturday night the cock rooster was missing, and as that was the time he suspected cock fighting occured in the village, he decided to do something about at church the next morning!.
At Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anyone got a cock"!?, and all the men stood up!.
"No, no" he said, " That wasn't what I meant!. Has anybody seen a cock"!?, and all the women stood up!.
"No, no!. I meant has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them"!?; then half the women stood up!.
"NO! NO!", he exclaimed, flustered!. That wasn't what I meant!. Has anybody seen MY cock"!?, and then all the nuns stood up!.
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
There once was a sheep farmer who had a French farm hand working with him to help castrate his sheep!. As the farmer castrated the sheep, the French farm hand took the parts, and was about to throw them in a trash pile!.
"No", yelled the farmer,"Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up and we eat them, they're delicious! They're called Sheep Fries"!
The farm hand saved the parts and took them to the farmer's wife who cooked them for supper!. This went on for three days!.!.!.!.!.!.!.and each evening they had Sheep Fries for suWww@Enter-QA@Com
heres some more to make ur day!.!.!.!.!.
A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam!.
"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here
tomorrow!. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal
injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no
otherexcuses whatsoever!"
A smart *** guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked,
"What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and
utter sexual exhaustion!?"
The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering!. When silence
was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shaking her
head and sweetly said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with
yourother hand!.
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
Last week I took some friends out to a restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket!. It seemed a little strange, but I ignored it!. However, when the busboy brought out water and utensils, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket!. I then looked around the room and saw that all the waitpersons had a spoon in their pocket!.
When the waiter came back to check on our order I asked: ''Why the spoon!?'' ''Well,'' he explained, ''the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting, experts in efficiency, in order to revamp all our processes!. After several months of statistical analysis, they concluded that customers drop their spoons 73!.84% more often than any other utensil!. This represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour!. If our personnel are prepared to deal with that contingency, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 1!.5 man-hours per shift!.''
As we finished talking, a metallic sound was heard from behind me!. Quickly, the waiter replaced the dropped spoon with the one in his pocket and said: ''I'll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now!.'' I was rather impressed!. The waiter continued taking our order and while my guests ordered, I continued to look around!. I then noticed that there was a very thin string hanging out of the waiter's fly!. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their fly!.
My curiosity got the better of me and before he walked off, I asked the waiter: ''Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there!?'' ''Oh, certainly!'' he answered, lowering his voice!. ''Not everyone is as observant as you!. That consulting firm I mentioned, also found out that we can save time in the restroom!.'' ''How so!?'' ''See,'' he continued, ''by tying this string to the tip of !.!.!.you know!.!.!. we can pull it out over the urinal without touching it and that way eliminate the need to wash the hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76!.39 percent'' ''Okay, that makes sense, but!.!.!. if the string helps you get it out, how do you put it back in!?'' ''Well,'' he whispered, lowering his voice even further, ''I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon!.''
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
Little Jimmy has his first day at school!. His Mom was real worried, and when she picked him up from school at the end of the day, she anxiously asked him how his day went!.
'Well, I came top of the class in Math, I made a touchdown in football, and I had sex with the teacher!.'
'What! How dare you! Get into your room and wait till your father gets home!' Little Jimmy goes to his room, and when his father comes home, Jimmy's mom tells his father, 'I'm absolutely disgusted with Jimmy!. He said he came top of the class in Math, made a touchdown in football, and had sex with the teacher!'
'That's my boy' thinks his Dad!. So he goes upstairs to talk to Jimmy!. 'Don't worry about your Mom!. She's a bit upset, but it sounds to me like you had an awesome day at school!. In fact, I'm so pleased, you know that bicycle I said I was going to buy you for Christmas, I think I'll get it for you this weekend!.'
'Oh no, Dad, don't!. I don't think I'll be able to sit down for a while!.'
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
Bob is a regular guy out at a local bar One night having a good time, Jack, the bartender and owner of the bar, offered him another drink!. As he served the drink Bob spoke up!.
"Hey Jack, you're a betting kinda man aren't ya!?"
"Maybe Bob, what did ya have in mind!?"
"Well Jack, I'll bet you $1,000 that I can put a shot glass at the end of your bar and piss into it without spilling a drop!."
Jack thought to himself, "This guy must be a complete moron! There's no way he is gonna make that!. This is gonna the easiest grand I've ever made!." So the bartender says, "Okay Bob!. You're on!."
Jack walked down to the other end of the bar and positioned a shot glass on the end!. He walked back behind the bar and said, "Okay Bob, Let's see what you got!." Bob unzipped his fly and staring pissing all over the walls, over the bar top, all over the bottle of booze, and all over Jack!. Jack roared with laughter and almost fell over!.
Afterwards he noticed that Bob was sitting at the bar smiling!. "What are you smiling at jackass!? You just lost $1,000!"
"Well Jack, ya see that guy over there in the cowboy hat writing out a check!?"
"Yeah, what about him!?"
"Well I just bet him $10,000 that I could piss all over your bar, your walls AND you, and not only wouldn't you be mad!.!.!.you would laugh hysterically about it!."
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
Q: What did the Bathtub say to the Toilet Bowl!?
A: I may not get as much *** as you do, but I don''t take no ****!.
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
A man visits the doctor's because he has a severe stuttering problem!. After a thorough examination, the doctor consults with the patient!.
Doctor: "It appears that the reason for your stuttering is that your penis is about six inches too long and it is thus pulling on your vocal cords, and thereby causing you this annoying problem of stuttering!."
"Ddddd octttor !. Whhaaat cccan I dddo!?"
The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a minute and states that there is a procedure where we can free up the strain on the vocal cords by removing the six inches from the penis and freeing him from this horrible problem!. The patient stuttering badly states that this problem has caused him so much embarrassment as well as loss of employment that anything would be worth it!. The doctor plans for the procedure!. The operation is a success and six months later the patient comes in for his check up!.
Patient: Doctor, the operation was a success!. I have not stuttered since the operation!. I have a great job and my self esteem is fantastic!. However, there is one problem, my wife says that she sort of misses the great sex we used to have before the extra six inches were removed!. So I was wondering if it is possible to reattach those six inches!.
The doctor scratches his forehead, thinks for a minute and says: "I dddoonnnbt ttthhhinkkkk thatttt wooould bbbbee possssssibbble!"
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city!. In one of the stores, he picks up a mirror and looks in it!. Not knowing what it was, he remarked, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy!."
He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered his wife, Lizzy, didn't like his father!. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it!. Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn!.
One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror!. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly ***** he's runnin' around with!."
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
The Missing Rooster
The priest of a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in a henhouse at the back of the parish manse!. He had a cock rooster and ten hens!.
One Saturday night the cock rooster was missing, and as that was the time he suspected cock fighting occured in the village, he decided to do something about at church the next morning!.
At Mass, he asked the congregation, "Has anyone got a cock"!?, and all the men stood up!.
"No, no" he said, " That wasn't what I meant!. Has anybody seen a cock"!?, and all the women stood up!.
"No, no!. I meant has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them"!?; then half the women stood up!.
"NO! NO!", he exclaimed, flustered!. That wasn't what I meant!. Has anybody seen MY cock"!?, and then all the nuns stood up!.
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
There once was a sheep farmer who had a French farm hand working with him to help castrate his sheep!. As the farmer castrated the sheep, the French farm hand took the parts, and was about to throw them in a trash pile!.
"No", yelled the farmer,"Don't throw those away! My wife fries them up and we eat them, they're delicious! They're called Sheep Fries"!
The farm hand saved the parts and took them to the farmer's wife who cooked them for supper!. This went on for three days!.!.!.!.!.!.!.and each evening they had Sheep Fries for suWww@Enter-QA@Com