How does this poem sound? I know it's not shakesphere =)?!
Question: How does this poem sound!? I know it's not shakesphere =)!?
I'm 16!. Dont laugh!.!.!.!. I try!.!.!.!.!.!.!.honest opinions! What do you think!?
-Spoiled And Hurting-
As I scream “I hate my life”
I’m filled with utter rage
My mom screams back
“Stop whining”
“Grow up and act your age”
My eyes fill up with salty tears
As I watch one trickle down
I try my best to fight the twitch of an inevitable growing frown
I must resemble a spoiled brat as I spill my woeful tale
Boo hoo I’m lonely
Boo hoo I’m sad
What a surprise!
It’s over a male
In the eyes of the brave
In the eyes of the great
My troubles are a matter of greed
Yet in my own eyes, though not as noble or wise
Doesn’t everybody bleed!?
Yes I’m not fighting world hunger
No my life is not on the line
Yet given both these
I continue to cry on my knees
“That doesn’t mean I’m fine!”Www@Enter-QA@Com
-Spoiled And Hurting-
As I scream “I hate my life”
I’m filled with utter rage
My mom screams back
“Stop whining”
“Grow up and act your age”
My eyes fill up with salty tears
As I watch one trickle down
I try my best to fight the twitch of an inevitable growing frown
I must resemble a spoiled brat as I spill my woeful tale
Boo hoo I’m lonely
Boo hoo I’m sad
What a surprise!
It’s over a male
In the eyes of the brave
In the eyes of the great
My troubles are a matter of greed
Yet in my own eyes, though not as noble or wise
Doesn’t everybody bleed!?
Yes I’m not fighting world hunger
No my life is not on the line
Yet given both these
I continue to cry on my knees
“That doesn’t mean I’m fine!”Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
good work, 8/10!. try to add more metaphors, they add more depth to your workWww@Enter-QA@Com
(If you don't want people to laugh, don't put it in the Joke section! :D)
I feel as though the theme doesn't have enough explanation!. I'm sure everyone can relate to what you're saying, but those reading will try to look for your unique opinion on the subject at hanf!. Use more literary devices definitely to try and make your meaning stand out more!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
I feel as though the theme doesn't have enough explanation!. I'm sure everyone can relate to what you're saying, but those reading will try to look for your unique opinion on the subject at hanf!. Use more literary devices definitely to try and make your meaning stand out more!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
it's good but sometimes you're fighting to fit the rhymes in!. you know, it really doesn't have to rhyme!. i write poetry all the time i have only one that has rhymes and it's a sonnet so it needed the rhymes!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
It's kind of too emotional and childish!.
Might be good for a 12 year old!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Might be good for a 12 year old!.Www@Enter-QA@Com