Can anyone hook me up with a couple of good jokes?!


Question: Can anyone hook me up with a couple of good jokes!?
i would like a few good jokes to tell people and hope to make them laughWww@Enter-QA@Com


Answers:
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree!? It was dead!.
Why are there no Wal-Marts in Afghanistan!? There is a Target on every corner!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

A little boy went into a drug store, reached for a soda carton and pulled it over to the telephone!. He climbed onto the carton so that he
could reach the buttons on the phone and proceeded to punch in seven digits (phone numbers)!.

The store-owner observed and listened to the conversation:


Boy: 'Lady, Can you give me the job of cutting your lawn!?

Woman: (at the other end of the phone line): 'I already have someone to cut my lawn!.'

Boy: 'Lady, I will cut your lawn for half the price of the person who cuts your lawn now!.'

Woman: I'm very satisfied with the person who is presently cutting my lawn!.

Boy: (with more perseverance) : 'Lady, I'll even sweep your curb and your sidewalk, so on Sunday you will have the prettiest lawn in all of
Palm beach , Florida!.'

Woman: No, thank you!.

With a smile on his face, the little boy replaced the receiver!. The store-owner, who was listening to all this, walked over to the boy!.

Store Owner: 'Son!.!.!. I like your attitude; I like that positive spirit and would like to offer you a job!.'

Boy: 'No thanks,

Store Owner: But you were really pleading for one!.

Boy: No Sir, I was just checking my performance at the job I already have!.
I am the one who is working for that lady I was talking to!'


This is what we call 'Self Appraisal'Www@Enter-QA@Com

--Innocent Joke---
Q: Why did God make farts smelly!?
A: He wanted deaf people to enjoy them too!.

--Dumb/Crazy knock knock joke--
1: Knock Knock
2: Who's there!?
1: If you say one more word I'm gonna blow my brains out!.
1: Yeah, I have a gun!
1: I'm warning you!
1: what!? don't you like knock-knock jokes!?

--RANDOM--
1: You're dumb
2: You're old
1: I love you!
2: GOOD NITE BOSTON!Www@Enter-QA@Com

idk Good Jokes is busy on Sundays!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

looks like you've got enoughWww@Enter-QA@Com

how about ur face is funny!!!!!!!!!!!!hahaha!Www@Enter-QA@Com

The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."



An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."


a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big butt!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big butt didnt it!.!.!.



A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."

"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "

"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."



so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!.



learn to speak chinese:
1) That's not right !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive!?!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Dum ***
5) Small Horse !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach!? !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week !.!.!. Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Fa Kin Su Pah



There were these twin sisters just turning one hundred years old in St!. Luke's Nursing Home and the editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these 100 year old twin biddies!.
One of the twins was hard of hearing but the other could hear quite well!.
The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa!.
The deaf one said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other!.
"Now get a little closer together", said the cameraman!.
Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE"!.
So, they wiggled up close to each other!.
"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer!.
Yet again - "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"
With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY GOD - BOTH OF US!?



1!. Men are like !.!.!.!.!.!.!.Laxatives !.!.!.!.!. They irritate the crap out of you!.
2!. Men are like !.!.!.!.!.!.Bananas !.!.!.!.!.!. The older they get, the less firm they
are!.
3!. Men are like !.!.!.!.!.!.!.Weather !.!.!.!.!. Nothing can be done to change them!.
4!. Men are like !.!.!.!.!.Blenders !.!.!. You need One, but you're not quite sure
why!.
5!. Men are like !.!.!.!.!.Chocolate Bars !.!.!. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head
right for your hips!.
6!. Men are like !.!.!.!.Commercials !.!.!.!.!.!. You can't believe a word they say!.
7!. Men are like Department Stores !.!.!.!. Their clothes are always 1/2 off!.
8!. Men are like !.!. Government Bonds !.!.!. !. They take soooooooo long to
mature!.
9!. Men are like !.!. Mascara !.!.!.!.!. They usually run at the first sign of
emotion!.
10!. Men are like !.!.!.!.!.!.Popcorn !.!.!.!.!. They satisfy you, but only for a little
while!.
11!. Men are like !.!.!.!.!.!.!.Lava Lamps !.!.!. Fun to look at, but not very bright!.
12!. Men are like Parking Spots !.!.!.!.!.!.!. All the good ones are taken, the rest
are handicapped!.



There are two women!. And one other woman!. THey are sitting on a bench waiting for the 45 bus!.One of the women says, "Well, my husband's is LONG AND HARD!. and he sticks it right in as if it was a piece of cake!. NO TROUBLE AT ALL!"The other woman said, "well, my husband's is long as well and also hard!. but i have seen your husband's!. it's not as long and hard as MY husband's!. he just puts it in there easily like he's been doing it all day!. he's an expert!"Other woman says, "Hey, YOU DON'T talk about your sex lives in public!"one woman says, "look, we're just talking about our husbands' plumbing skills and toilet plunger!"

Blonde caller:“Can you give me the telephone number for Jack!?”
Operator: “I’m sorry, I don’t understand who you are talking about”
Blond Caller: “On page 1 section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning!. Now, can you give me the number for Jack!?”







blonde version of who wants to be a millionaire:
fastest finger question: put these Rocky movies in order starting with the earliest!.!.!.!.!.Rocky 1,Rocky 2,Rocky 3,Rocky 4





These 2 blonde girls drove to Disneyland!.They saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left" So they went left and went back home!.



They found 2 blonde girls frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre!. They went to see "Closed For The Winter"!.

why cant blondes make kool-aid
they cant figure out how they get 8 cups water in the koolaid packet




Doctor (using a stethoscope): "Big breaths!."
Blond: Yeth!. And I'm not even thickteen yet


how did the blonde get square boobs
she forgot to take the kleenix out of the box



this blonde ladys friend was somewhat injured and needed to go to the hospital for medical attention!.So she eventually got her to the emrgency!.So the nurse at the er asked her why didnt she just cal "911"!? The blonde lady said"well i couldnt find the "11" button!."



two blondes are walking in the woods when one spots tracks and says, "hey look, bear tracks!" to which the other blonde replies, "no those are deer tracks!" they argue for about an hour!. next morning, news headlines read:two blondes, killed by train!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

I love blonde jokes


Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a solar powered calculator!?
A: The blonde works in the dark!

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been using the computer!?
A: The joystick is wet!.

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive!?
A: Her ankles!.

Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in!?
A: "Have another beer!."

Q: How do you get a blond out of a tree!?
A: Wave

Q: What does a blonde owl say!?
A: What, what!?

Q: What do you call a zit on a blonde's ***!?
A: A brain tumor!.

Q: What do you get when you turn 3 blondes upside-down!?
A: Two brunettes!.

Q: What's the Blonde's cheer!?
A: " I'm blonde, I'm blonde, I'm B!.L!.O!.N!.!.!.!.ah, oh well!.!. I'm blonde, I'm blonde, yea yea yea!.!.!."

Q: Why did the blonde scale the chain-link fence!?
A: To see what was on the other side!.

Q: Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach!?
A: So her male would get delivered to the right box!.

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back!?
A: From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK"!.

Q: Why did the blonde keep a coat hanger in her back seat!?
A: In case she locks the keys in her car!.

Q: Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet!?
A: So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills!.

Q: Why did the deaf blonde sit on a newspaper!?
A: So she could lip read!.

Q: Why did God create blondes!?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge!.
Q: Why did God create brunettes!?
A: Neither could the blondes!.

Q: Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears!?
A: So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides!.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch!?
A: To turn the blinker off!.

Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car!?
A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche!.

Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane!?
A: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much!.

Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill!?
A: Because it kept falling out!.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months!?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years!.

Q: How do you confuse a blonde!?
A: Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms!.
Q: Why does it work!?
A: "Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W!?"

Q: Why did the blonde call the welfare office!?
A: She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!

Q: What is the blonde's favorite potato chip!?
A: Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay)!.

Q: What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, !.!.!.!.!?
A: A blond doing cartwheels!.

Q: What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp!?
A: They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort!.

Q: Did you hear about the blond skydiver!?
A: She missed the Earth!

Q: Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant!?
A: She blew it both times!

Q: What do a moped and a blond have in common!?
A: They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one!.

Q: How do you know when a blond's been in your frige!?
A: Lipstick on the cucumbers!

Q: What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common!?
A: All you have to do is scratch the box to win!.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll!?
A: About 2 cans of hair spray

Q: What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants!?
A: Pick them up off the floor!.

Q: Where do blondes go to meet their relatives!?
A: The vegetable garden!.

Q: How many blondes does it take to play tag!?
A: One!.

Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon!?
A: Far-from-thinkin

Q: Why don't they let Blondes swim in the ocean!?
A: Because they can't get the smell out of the tuna!.

Q: What happened to the blonde tap dancer!?
A: She slipped off and fell down the drain!.

Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina!?
A1: The Blonde!
A2: The other guys waiting their turn!.

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios!?
A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra!?
A: Spot!.

Q: What's a blonds' favourite rock group!?
A: Air Supply!.

Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling!?
A: A blond electrician!.

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short!?
A: So brunettes can remember them!.

Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes !?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good!.

Q: Why can't blondes put in light bulbs!?
A: They keep breaking them with the hammers!.

Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde!?
A: Perri-air

Q: Did you hear about the blonde coyote!?
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck!.

Q: When is it legal to shoot a blonde in the head!?
A: When you have a tire pump to reinflate it!

Q: What is a blonde's favorite part of a gas station!?
A: The Air Pump!

Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License!?
A: Because she got an F in sex!.

Q: Did you here about the blonde who shot an arrow into the air!?
A: She missed!.

Q: Why can't blondes be cattle ranchers!?
A: They can't keep their calves together!

Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain!?
A: After a dye job!.

Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme!?
A: Humpme Dumpme!.

Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her nametag) !?
A: "'Debbie'!.!.!.that's cute!. What did you name the other one !?"

Q: What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH!?
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light!.

Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car!?
A: Because she blows the horn!

Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob!?
A: Because everybody gets a turn!.

Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks!?
A: Because she's been laid all over the country!.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian!?
A: She kept having affairs with men!

Q: What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10!?
A: She picks up her purse and goes home!.

Q: To a blonde, what is long and hard!?
A: Grade 4!.

Q: What is the definition of gross ignorance!?
A: 144 blondes!.

Q: Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds!?
A: Because at 69 they blow a rod!.!.!.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator!?
A: A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it!.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater!?
A: They went to see "Closed for the Winter"!.

Q: What is the definition of the perfect woman!?
A: A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub!.

Q: How would a blond punctuate the following!?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!

Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning!?
A: It swells at night!.

Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm!. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that!?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"

Q: A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces!.
A: "Six, please!. I could never eat twelve pieces!."

Q: What's a blonde's idea of safe sex!?
A: Locking the car door!.

Q: Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test!?
A: Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat!.

Q: What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home!?
A: She moved!.

Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty!?
A: A blonde parade!.

Q: Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car!?
A: She burned her lips on the tailpipe!.Www@Enter-QA@Com



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