Got any good Jokes????!


Question: Got any good Jokes!?!?!?!?
I will give 10 points to the person with the funniest answer!!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com


Answers:
Why can't mexicans be firemen!?
They can't tell the difference between jose and hose b

What is it when a Mexican is taking a shower!?
A miracle!.

yo mamma is so fat she steped on a scale and it siad to be continudeWww@Enter-QA@Com

One day a blonde decided to go horse back riding!.

After a very long search, she finally found a horse she thought she could ride!. Things started off well enough, slowly trotting along, but soon the undulations started going faster and faster!.

Being unexperienced at horseback riding the blonde started to fall off!. She tried everything, grabbing the mane, then she tried to grab the saddle, but could not hold on!.

Seconds before falling off, the horse finally stopped, allowing her to get off, and gratefully thank the shopper for unplugging the mechanical horse as they were about to enter the department store!.








Ok, there is a blonde, a brenett, and a red hed!. They all just died and went to heaven!. Then they ran into God, He said "you can go to heaven if you can make it up these 100 steps while I tell you three jokes"!. So the brenett goes first she gets to the 30th step then laughs!. Then the red hed goes and she gets to the 50th step then she laughs!. Then the blonde goes and gets to the 99th step then laughs!. Then God says "Why did you laugh" the blonde says "I just got the first joke"



oooh and one more lol

a blonde went to get her hair done but she had earfones on

the hairdresser was like ma'm you have to take those off in order for me to cut your hair !

the blonde was like no i need thoughs ! if i take them off ill die!

well after an hour of arguing the hairdresser finnaly yanked the earfones off

within minutes the blonde was dead!.

the hairdresser was omg she did need thoughs ! i wonder hwy, so she put on the earfones and their was a tape repeating " breathe in !. !. !. !. breathe out !. !. !. " lolWww@Enter-QA@Com

Three desperately ill men met with their doctor one day to discuss their options!. One was an alcoholic, one was a chain smoker, and one was a homosexual!.
The doctor, addressing all three of them, said, "If any of you indulge in your vices one more time, you will surely die!."
The men left the doctor's office, each convinced that he would never again indulge himself in his vice!. While walking toward the subway for their return trip to the suburbs, they passed a bar!.
The alcoholic, hearing the loud music and seeing the lights, could not stop himself!. His buddies accompanied him into the bar, where he had a shot of whiskey!.
No sooner had he replaced the shot glass on the bar, he fell off his stool, stone cold dead!.
His companions, somewhat shaken up, left the bar, realizing how seriously they must take the doctor's words!. As they walked along, they came upon a cigarette butt lying on the ground, still burning!.
The homosexual looked at the chain smoker and said, "If you bend over to pick that up, we're both dead!."Www@Enter-QA@Com

st peter is at the pearly gates welcoming people into heaven all of a sudden this black guy comes up and st peter says welcome to heaven who are you!? the black says im barack obama! st peter says uhhhh who!? he goes you know im barack obama the first black president! st peter says HOLY S**T when did that happen obama looks at him and says oh id say about 10 minutes agoWww@Enter-QA@Com

* An elderly man walks into a bar!. he talks to the bar tender!.
He says:"I bet you I can bite my eye!" The bar tender says "if you can bite your eye, I'll give you a free drink!" The elderly man pops out a fake eye and bites it!. The bar tender replies "If you can bite the other, I'll give you free drinks for a month!" The elderly man takes out his false teeth and bites his real eye!
*****That was from a book called "Belle Prater's boy:*****

* A burgler breaks into a house!. He picks up a clock and hears "I can see you, and so can Jesus!" He jumps and looks around, but sees no one!. He continues ransacking!. He hears it again"I can see you, and so can Jesus!" He swirls around and looks, and spots a parrot and the bird repeats "I can see you, and so can Jesus!" the burgler says "So what, you're just a parrot!" The bird replies " Maybe, but Jesus is a rotweiler!(A big dog, just in case someone doesn't know!.!.!.)
*I'm sorry if I offended anyone!. Elders are wise*Www@Enter-QA@Com

Two children were sitting outside a clinic!. One of them was crying very loudly!.
2nd Child: Why are you crying!?

1st Child: I came here for a blood test!.

2nd Child: So!? Are you afraid!?

1st Child: No!. For the blood test, they cut my finger!.

At this, the second one started crying profusely!.

The first one was astonished!.

1st Child: Why are you crying now!?

2nd Child: I came for a urine test !
from - mightyfunnyjokes!.comWww@Enter-QA@Com

a girl with no arms and no legs was lieing on the beach crying, and a guy goes up to her and says "whats wrong" and she says " I'm 21 and Ive never been kissed before" so to be nice, the guy kisses her and walks off!. then she starts crying again so the guy says "why are you crying now" and she says "I'm 21 and Ive never been fingered before" so to be nice the guy fingers her and walks away!. then she starts crying again so the guy says "NOW WHAT" and she says "I'm 21 and Ive never been f**ked before" so the guy picks her up and throws her in the water and says "UR F***KED NOW!!!!!!!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com

Here's two good ones of MINE! :)

Q!.Why didn't the skeleton cross the road!?
A!. he didn't have any guts

Q!.What did the tree say to the math teacher!?
A!. Gee I'm a tree (Geometry)Www@Enter-QA@Com

ok so me and my mom and brother were outside and ilooks at look at my mom and say''i think your beind bipolar''and my brother says''shes a gay bear!''hehe

i am SO sorry if this offendese anyone!.

hugs!
-GabbyWww@Enter-QA@Com

Name two famous Americans that were shot in the back of the head while sitting in theaters!.
1!. Abraham Lincoln
2!. The guy sitting in front of Pee Wee HermanWww@Enter-QA@Com

Why was JFK a lousy boxer!?

'cause he couldn't take a shot to the head!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."



An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."


a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big butt!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big butt didnt it!.!.!.



A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."

"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "

"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."



so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!.



learn to speak chinese:
1) That's not right !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive!?!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Dum ***
5) Small Horse !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach!? !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week !.!.!. Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Fa Kin Su Pah



There were these twin sisters just turning one hundred years old in St!. Luke's Nursing Home and the editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these 100 year old twin biddies!.
One of the twins was hard of hearing but the other could hear quite well!.
The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa!.
The deaf one said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other!.
"Now get a little closer together", said the cameraman!.
Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE"!.
So, they wiggled up close to each other!.
"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer!.
Yet again - "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"
With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY GOD - BOTH OF US!?



1!. Men are like !.!.!.!.!.!.!.Laxatives !.!.!.!.!. They irritate the crap out of you!.
2!. Men are like !.!.!.!.!.!.Bananas !.!.!.!.!.!. The older they get, the less firm they
are!.
3!. Men are like !.!.!.!.!.!.!.Weather !.!.!.!.!. Nothing can be done to change them!.
4!. Men are like !.!.!.!.!.Blenders !.!.!. You need One, but you're not quite sure
why!.
5!. Men are like !.!.!.!.!.Chocolate Bars !.!.!. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head
right for your hips!.
6!. Men are like !.!.!.!.Commercials !.!.!.!.!.!. You can't believe a word they say!.
7!. Men are like Department Stores !.!.!.!. Their clothes are always 1/2 off!.
8!. Men are like !.!. Government Bonds !.!.!. !. They take soooooooo long to
mature!.
9!. Men are like !.!. Mascara !.!.!.!.!. They usually run at the first sign of
emotion!.
10!. Men are like !.!.!.!.!.!.Popcorn !.!.!.!.!. They satisfy you, but only for a little
while!.
11!. Men are like !.!.!.!.!.!.!.Lava Lamps !.!.!. Fun to look at, but not very bright!.
12!. Men are like Parking Spots !.!.!.!.!.!.!. All the good ones are taken, the rest
are handicapped!.




There are two women!. And one other woman!. THey are sitting on a bench waiting for the 45 bus!.One of the women says, "Well, my husband's is LONG AND HARD!. and he sticks it right in as if it was a piece of cake!. NO TROUBLE AT ALL!"The other woman said, "well, my husband's is long as well and also hard!. but i have seen your husband's!. it's not as long and hard as MY husband's!. he just puts it in there easily like he's been doing it all day!. he's an expert!"Other woman says, "Hey, YOU DON'T talk about your sex lives in public!"one woman says, "look, we're just talking about our husbands' plumbing skills and toilet plunger!"Www@Enter-QA@Com



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