Jokes Please!?!


Question: Jokes Please!!?
I love jokes and riddles about johnny and his teacher!. I love joles and riddles but I don't know any!. Please give some!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com


Answers:
Lil' Johnny's mother took her 6 year old son with her tothe bank!. They were in line behind a rather obese lady!. As the mother patiently waited, Lil' Johnny looked at the women in front of him and observed loudly, "Hey, Mom, she's really fat!.The lady looked at Johnny, made eye contact with his mother and gave an understanding smile!. Lil' Johnny received a reprimand!. After a minute or two, Lil' Johnny spread his hands as far as they will go and loudly said, "I bet her butt is 'that' wide!." At this the lady glared at Johnny!. His embarrassed mother severely scolds her son!. Again after a couple of minutes Lil' Johnny stated loudly, "Look how the fat hangs over her belt!." The lady turned and told Johnny's mother to control her child and his mother threatened him with severe bodily harm!. The lady's pager begins to go off!. Lil' Johnny yelled in a panic at the top of his voice, "Run for your life, she's backing up"
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Little Johnny and Suzy have almost nothing to do one day while in the house playing!. All of a sudden, Johnny gets this great idea!. "Let's take turns sliding down the banister rail!" he suggests!. "Oh no," answers Suzy, "That's way too scary!." "No, it's not," says Johnny, "it'll be fun!" And he proceeds to the top of the stairs!. The banister rail is long and very smooth with a beautiful big marble ball at its base!. Johnny climbs on and down he goes, squealing with excitement as he goes!. He jumps off just before he gets to the marble ball at the bottom!. "That was great," he says!. "Come on, you try now!." Suzy still isn't quite sure that this is such a good idea!. "No," she says, "It looks too scary!." "No, it's not," said Johnny, and away he goes again to the top of the stairs!. He climbs on and down he goes again, having just as much fun as he did the first time!. He jumps off just before the marble ball at the bottom!. "You gotta try this, it's the best!" urges Johnny!. Well, little Suzy isn't one to stay scared for very long and this really does look like fun, so she agrees!. To the top of the stairs she goes!. She straddles the banister rail, and slowly lets go with her hands!. Down she goes, a lot faster than she expected!. WHAM! Right into the marble ball at the bottom!. Little Suzy starts to cry and almost falls off the banister rail!. When Johnny sees her so upset, crying ever harder and holding her groin where she collided with the marble ball, he gets a little scared that maybe she has really hurt herself!. "Maybe you'd better let me see," suggests Little Johnny!. So Suzy lifts her little dress and pulls down her panties!. Little Johnny's face goes pale white!. "OH, NO!" he shouts!. "THIS IS HORRIBLE! YOU KNOCKED IT RIGHT OFF!!"
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The story takes place in a Christian school!. The teacher asks the question, 'What part of your body gets to heven first!?' 3 students raise their hand, Jenny, Jim, and little Johnny in the back!. The teacher thinks to herself, 'I dont want to call on Johnny cause he will say something perverted!.' So she picks on Jenny first who says, 'I think your head gets to heaven first cause you have to be smart!.' The teacher then calls on Jim who says, 'I think your heart gets to heaven first cause you gotta have a good heart!.' Finally Johnny is the only one with his hand up!. The teacher says to herself 'Oh no, I gotta pick Johnny!.' She picks him and he says, 'I think your feet get to heaven first!.' The relieved teacher asks him, 'Why on earth do you think your feet get to heaven first!?' Johnny says, 'Cause I walked into my Mom and Dad's room last night and my mom's feet were straight up in the air and she was sayin 'Oh God I'm coming'!''Www@Enter-QA@Com

in a circlular house there was a robbery!.
a detective went around the house and asked the maid,the butler and the cook to see what they were doing at the night of the robbery!.
the detective askeed the cook first and the cook said!.
i was buying groceries!.
then the detective asked the butler and he said
i was driving the daughter to the zoo
then the detective asked the maid and she said
i was dusting all the corners in the house!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

You could try reading the jokes that are here in JOKES AND RIDDLES!.!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com

Q!. Whats better than winning gold at the special olympics!?
A!. Not being a special personWww@Enter-QA@Com

get a joke bookWww@Enter-QA@Com

The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."



An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."


a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big butt!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big butt didnt it!.!.!.



A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."

"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "

"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."



so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!.



learn to speak chinese:
1) That's not right !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive!?!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Dum ***
5) Small Horse !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach!? !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week !.!.!. Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Fa Kin Su Pah



There were these twin sisters just turning one hundred years old in St!. Luke's Nursing Home and the editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these 100 year old twin biddies!.
One of the twins was hard of hearing but the other could hear quite well!.
The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa!.
The deaf one said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other!.
"Now get a little closer together", said the cameraman!.
Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE"!.
So, they wiggled up close to each other!.
"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer!.
Yet again - "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"
With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY GOD - BOTH OF US!?



1!. Men are like !.!.!.!.!.!.!.Laxatives !.!.!.!.!. They irritate the crap out of you!.
2!. Men are like !.!.!.!.!.!.Bananas !.!.!.!.!.!. The older they get, the less firm they
are!.
3!. Men are like !.!.!.!.!.!.!.Weather !.!.!.!.!. Nothing can be done to change them!.
4!. Men are like !.!.!.!.!.Blenders !.!.!. You need One, but you're not quite sure
why!.
5!. Men are like !.!.!.!.!.Chocolate Bars !.!.!. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head
right for your hips!.
6!. Men are like !.!.!.!.Commercials !.!.!.!.!.!. You can't believe a word they say!.
7!. Men are like Department Stores !.!.!.!. Their clothes are always 1/2 off!.
8!. Men are like !.!. Government Bonds !.!.!. !. They take soooooooo long to
mature!.
9!. Men are like !.!. Mascara !.!.!.!.!. They usually run at the first sign of
emotion!.
10!. Men are like !.!.!.!.!.!.Popcorn !.!.!.!.!. They satisfy you, but only for a little
while!.
11!. Men are like !.!.!.!.!.!.!.Lava Lamps !.!.!. Fun to look at, but not very bright!.
12!. Men are like Parking Spots !.!.!.!.!.!.!. All the good ones are taken, the rest
are handicapped!.Www@Enter-QA@Com



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