What's the funniest light bulb joke you ever heard?!
Question: What's the funniest light bulb joke you ever heard!?
Answers:
Pick one! :-)
Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: Six!. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience!.
Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: Five!. One to change the bulb and four more to chase off the Californians who have come up to relate to the experience!.
A': Nine!. One to change the bulb, and eight to protest the nuclear power plant that generates the electricity that powers it!.
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: None 'o yo' ******' business!
A': 50!. 50!? Yeah 50; its in the contract!.
Q: How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: Two!. One to call the electrician and one to mix the martinis!.
Q: How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change!.
A': None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready!.
Q: How many software people does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: None!. That's a hardware problem!.
A': One, but if he changes it, the whole building will probably fall down!.
A'': Two!. One always leaves in the middle of the project!.
Q: How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: None!. That's a software problem!.
A': None!. They just have marketing portray the dead bulb as a feature!.
Q: How many FSE's does it take to replace a dead light bulb!?
A: Who can tell!. FSE's are always in the dark!.
A': 2!. One to hold the bulb and one to pound it in (etc)
Note: FSE's are ``Field Service Engineers!.''
Q': How long will it take!?
A': That's indeterminate!. It depends on how many dead bulbs they've brought with them!.
Q'': What if you have two dead bulbs!?
A'': They replace your fuse box!.
Q: How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: As many as you want; they're all virtual, anyway!.
Q: How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: None!. There's a primitive for that!.
Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: That's proprietary information!. Answer available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only)!.
A': Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session!.
A'': Three!. One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number of one of their subordinates to actually change it!.
Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done!.
Q: How many `Real Men' does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: None: `Real Men' aren't afraid of the dark!.
A': None of your damn business!
Q: How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it!.
Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: None!. (``That's all right!.!.!.I'll just sit here in the dark!.!.!.'')
Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb!.
Q: How many Polacks does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: Just one, but you need 6000 Russian troops in case he goes on strike!
Q: How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub!.
Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution!.
Q: How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: 1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again!.
Q: How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: Nobody knows!. Russian leaders don't last as long as light bulbs!.
Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: Seven!. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years!.
Q: How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him!.
Q: How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: Three, but they're really only one!.
Q: How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on!.
Q: How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: Two!. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession!.
Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: One, but it takes at least three light bulbs!.
Q: How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: That's not funny!!!
Q': How many 'Cliffie girls does it take to change a light bulb!?
A': It's ``Radcliffe Women'' and it's not funny!
Q: How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: None!. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself!.
Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: Two!. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb!.
A': None!. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in!.
Q: How many Valley Girls does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: Oooh, like, manual labor!? Gag me with a spoon! For sure!.
Q: How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: Three:
One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and
one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time!.
Q: How many straight San Franciscans does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: Both of them!.
Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: A tree in a golden forest!.
A': Two: one to change the bulb and one not to change it!.
A'': One to change and one not to change is fake Zen!. The true Zen answer is Four!. One to change the bulb!.
A''':None!. Zen masters carry their own light!.
Q: How many Carl Sagans does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: Billions and billions!.
Q: How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: Two!. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was!.
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools!.
Q: How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: Three!. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare!.
Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb!?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb!.
Q: How many [IBM] Technical Writers does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: 100!. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only, ``This page intentionally left blank,'' and 20% of the definitions are of the form ``A <!.!.!.> consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks!.''
A': Just one, provided there's an engineer around to explain how to do it!.
Q: How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: None!. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one!.
Q: How many gays does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: Two!. One to screw it in and the other to say ``Fabulous!.''
Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: Only one, but they get three tech!. reports out of it!.
Q: How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: Three!. One to change the light bulb, one to be a witness, and the third to shoot the witness!.
Q: How many <ethnics> does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: 10!. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder!.
Q: How many strong <ethnics> does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: 115!. One to hold the bulb and 114 to rotate the house!.
Q: How many <ethnic> gods does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: Two!. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet!.
Q: How many people does it take to throw away a one WATT bulb!?!?
A: Five!. A Black, a Jew, two women, and a cripple!.!.!.
Notes: topical to the resignation of Interior secretary James Watt in 1983
Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: None!. It turned itself in!.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: How many can you afford!?
A': It only takes one to change your bulb!.!.!.to his!.
A'': Lawyers don't change bulbs!. Now if you're looking for someone to really screw a bulb!.!.!.
Q: How many football players does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
Q: How many Lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: Three!. One to screw it in and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man!.
Q: How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: None!. There never was any light bulb!.
Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984!.
Q: how many cabbage patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: Www@Enter-QA@Com
Q: How many Californians does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: Six!. One to turn the bulb, one for support, and four to relate to the experience!.
Q: How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: Five!. One to change the bulb and four more to chase off the Californians who have come up to relate to the experience!.
A': Nine!. One to change the bulb, and eight to protest the nuclear power plant that generates the electricity that powers it!.
Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: None 'o yo' ******' business!
A': 50!. 50!? Yeah 50; its in the contract!.
Q: How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: Two!. One to call the electrician and one to mix the martinis!.
Q: How many Psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: Only one, but the bulb has got to really WANT to change!.
A': None; the bulb will change itself when it is ready!.
Q: How many software people does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: None!. That's a hardware problem!.
A': One, but if he changes it, the whole building will probably fall down!.
A'': Two!. One always leaves in the middle of the project!.
Q: How many hardware folks does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: None!. That's a software problem!.
A': None!. They just have marketing portray the dead bulb as a feature!.
Q: How many FSE's does it take to replace a dead light bulb!?
A: Who can tell!. FSE's are always in the dark!.
A': 2!. One to hold the bulb and one to pound it in (etc)
Note: FSE's are ``Field Service Engineers!.''
Q': How long will it take!?
A': That's indeterminate!. It depends on how many dead bulbs they've brought with them!.
Q'': What if you have two dead bulbs!?
A'': They replace your fuse box!.
Q: How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: As many as you want; they're all virtual, anyway!.
Q: How many APL hackers does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: None!. There's a primitive for that!.
Q: How many Bell Labs Vice Presidents does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: That's proprietary information!. Answer available from AT&T on payment of license fee (binary only)!.
A': Nearly unanswerable, since the one who tries to change it usually drops it, and the others call for a planning session!.
A'': Three!. One to get the bulb and two to get the phone number of one of their subordinates to actually change it!.
Q: How many graduate students does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: Only one, but it may take upwards of five years for him to get it done!.
Q: How many `Real Men' does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: None: `Real Men' aren't afraid of the dark!.
A': None of your damn business!
Q: How many `Real Women' does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: None: A `Real Woman' would have plenty of real men around to do it!.
Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: None!. (``That's all right!.!.!.I'll just sit here in the dark!.!.!.'')
Q: How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: Only two, but the hard part is getting them into the light bulb!.
Q: How many Polacks does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: Just one, but you need 6000 Russian troops in case he goes on strike!
Q: How many WASPs does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: Silly, WASPs don't screw in a light bulb, they screw in a hot tub!.
Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution!.
Q: How many (Generals/Politicians) does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: 1,000,001: One to change the bulb and 1,000,000 to rebuild civilization to the point where they need light bulbs again!.
Q: How many Russian leaders does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: Nobody knows!. Russian leaders don't last as long as light bulbs!.
Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: Seven!. One to install the new bulb and six to figure out what to do with the old one for the next 10,000 years!.
Q: How many pre-med students does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: Five: One to change the bulb and four to pull the ladder out from under him!.
Q: How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: Three, but they're really only one!.
Q: How many Christian Scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: None, but it takes at least one to sit and pray for the old one to go back on!.
Q: How many Roman Catholics does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: Two!. One to do the screwing, and one to hear the confession!.
Q: How many jugglers does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: One, but it takes at least three light bulbs!.
Q: How many Feminists does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: That's not funny!!!
Q': How many 'Cliffie girls does it take to change a light bulb!?
A': It's ``Radcliffe Women'' and it's not funny!
Q: How many supply-siders does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: None!. The darkness will cause the light bulb to change by itself!.
Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: Two!. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb!.
A': None!. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw itself in!.
Q: How many Valley Girls does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: Oooh, like, manual labor!? Gag me with a spoon! For sure!.
Q: How many data base people does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: Three:
One to write the light bulb removal program,
one to write the light bulb insertion program, and
one to act as a light bulb administrator to make sure nobody else tries to change the light bulb at the same time!.
Q: How many straight San Franciscans does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: Both of them!.
Q: How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: A tree in a golden forest!.
A': Two: one to change the bulb and one not to change it!.
A'': One to change and one not to change is fake Zen!. The true Zen answer is Four!. One to change the bulb!.
A''':None!. Zen masters carry their own light!.
Q: How many Carl Sagans does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: Billions and billions!.
Q: How many folk singers does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: Two!. One to change the bulb, and one to write a song about how good the old light bulb was!.
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: Two, one to hold the giraffe, and the other to fill the bathtub with brightly colored machine tools!.
Q: How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: Only one, but it sure takes a shitload of light bulbs!
Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: Three!. One to find a bulb specialist, one to find a bulb installation specialist, and one to bill it all to Medicare!.
Q: What is the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb!?
A: You can unscrew a light bulb!.
Q: How many [IBM] Technical Writers does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: 100!. Ten to do it, and 90 to write document number GC7500439-0001, Multitasking Incandescent Source System Facility, of which 10% of the pages state only, ``This page intentionally left blank,'' and 20% of the definitions are of the form ``A <!.!.!.> consists of sequences of non-blank characters separated by blanks!.''
A': Just one, provided there's an engineer around to explain how to do it!.
Q: How many Bratzlaver Chassidim does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: None!. They will never find one that burned as brightly as the first one!.
Q: How many gays does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: Two!. One to screw it in and the other to say ``Fabulous!.''
Q: How many professors does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: Only one, but they get three tech!. reports out of it!.
Q: How many people from New Jersey does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: Three!. One to change the light bulb, one to be a witness, and the third to shoot the witness!.
Q: How many <ethnics> does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: 10!. One to hold the bulb and nine to rotate the ladder!.
Q: How many strong <ethnics> does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: 115!. One to hold the bulb and 114 to rotate the house!.
Q: How many <ethnic> gods does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: Two!. One to hold the bulb and the other to rotate the planet!.
Q: How many people does it take to throw away a one WATT bulb!?!?
A: Five!. A Black, a Jew, two women, and a cripple!.!.!.
Notes: topical to the resignation of Interior secretary James Watt in 1983
Q: How many cops does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: None!. It turned itself in!.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: How many can you afford!?
A': It only takes one to change your bulb!.!.!.to his!.
A'': Lawyers don't change bulbs!. Now if you're looking for someone to really screw a bulb!.!.!.
Q: How many football players does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: The entire team! And they all get a semester's credit for it!
Q: How many Lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: Three!. One to screw it in and two to talk about how much better it is than with a man!.
Q: How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: None!. There never was any light bulb!.
Notes: Probably the only really good light bulb joke of 1984!.
Q: how many cabbage patch dolls does it take to change a light bulb!?
A: Www@Enter-QA@Com
How many Hannah Montanas does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
A: (From Asker, Yahoo Answers) 100 one to get the bulb, one to screw it in and all the rest to watch and get more bulbs when the others break!.
(Not really that funny 'cause i like miley)Www@Enter-QA@Com
A: (From Asker, Yahoo Answers) 100 one to get the bulb, one to screw it in and all the rest to watch and get more bulbs when the others break!.
(Not really that funny 'cause i like miley)Www@Enter-QA@Com
Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a lightbulb!?
A: 2 - 1 to screw in the lightbulb and one to hold the giraffe!.
Q: How many hoars does it take to screw in a lightbulb!?
A: I don't know, there's to many people because the hoars asked people to screw in their light bulbs!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
A: 2 - 1 to screw in the lightbulb and one to hold the giraffe!.
Q: How many hoars does it take to screw in a lightbulb!?
A: I don't know, there's to many people because the hoars asked people to screw in their light bulbs!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
hmmm, i think they're kinda bad!.
maybe!.!.!.
"-how george bush's does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
-one to criticize and be racist about it and one to screw it!."
pretty bad!.!.!. actually prolly one of the worst!.!.!. lol!Www@Enter-QA@Com
maybe!.!.!.
"-how george bush's does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
-one to criticize and be racist about it and one to screw it!."
pretty bad!.!.!. actually prolly one of the worst!.!.!. lol!Www@Enter-QA@Com
How many priests does it take to change a light bulb!?
One, to change it into a quivering abused, self-doubting, former altar boy!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
One, to change it into a quivering abused, self-doubting, former altar boy!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
How many squirrels does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
http://thumbnail!.search!.aolcdn!.com/vsthu!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
http://thumbnail!.search!.aolcdn!.com/vsthu!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
How many computer programmers does it take to replace a burnt out ligt bulb!?
Can't be done !. !. !. it's a hardware problem!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Can't be done !. !. !. it's a hardware problem!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
how many mother-in-laws does it take to change a light bulb!?
just one!. she stands underneath it and waits for the world to revolve around her
hahahahahahahaWww@Enter-QA@Com
just one!. she stands underneath it and waits for the world to revolve around her
hahahahahahahaWww@Enter-QA@Com
Joke:
How many fundamentalists does it take to screw in a lighbulb!?
Answer:
None - they don't want to be enlightened!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
How many fundamentalists does it take to screw in a lighbulb!?
Answer:
None - they don't want to be enlightened!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
How many blondes does it take to screw in a light bulb, none they're to stupid to find where to screw it in!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb!?!?
150 one to hold the lightbulb and 149 to turn the houseWww@Enter-QA@Com
150 one to hold the lightbulb and 149 to turn the houseWww@Enter-QA@Com
How many college students does it take to screw in a light bulb!?
2, but they have to be really small college students!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
2, but they have to be really small college students!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
How many hamsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb!?
Two - the trick is getting them in there!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Two - the trick is getting them in there!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
whats the difference between a pregnant women and a light bulb!?!.!.!.!.you can unskrew a lightbulbWww@Enter-QA@Com
theres always one person that goes over the top with their answer! ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ lolWww@Enter-QA@Com
light bulbs are so bright butngo no brainsss like blondiessssWww@Enter-QA@Com
Sorry!.!.!.light bulb jokes are for the dim witted!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
how many pizzas does it take to screw a lightbulb!?Www@Enter-QA@Com