I am Pretty Upset. Well VERY Upset.......?!
Question: I am Pretty Upset!. Well VERY Upset!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!?
Tell me a joke to make me feel betterWww@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
why did the skeleton cross the road!?
to find some body parts!!!
suppose 2 be sexual!.!.
like!.!. lunchtime entertainment whch is also sexualWww@Enter-QA@Com
to find some body parts!!!
suppose 2 be sexual!.!.
like!.!. lunchtime entertainment whch is also sexualWww@Enter-QA@Com
An engineer dies and is standing at the gates of Heaven!. Saint Peter took a quick look in the book of life and failing to see the engineer’s name, cast him down into Hell!.
After a few weeks in Hell the engineer began to get frustrated with the poor living conditions!. He set to work and soon had designed air conditioning, reclining chairs, microwaves, and televisions!. Everyone in hell was enjoying the new inventions of the engineer when God looked down one day!.
Needless to say, God was upset that the living conditions in Hell had improved, so he called to Satan saying “What’s going on down there!? How did you get a hold of all that stuff!?”
Satan Replied smugly, “We’ve got ourselves an engineer!.”
God angrily said “What! How did you get an engineer!? There must be some mistake!. I want that engineer back immediately!.”
Satan animatedly refused saying “NO way, we like him and we’re keeping him!.”
God said “Oh yeah, well he’s rightfully mine and if you don’t give him back I’m going to sue you!.”
Satan responded “Oh yeah, and just where do you think YOU are going to find a lawyer!?”
**************
A man walks into a gun shop and says "I'm going to go hiking in Bear country and I want some protection!. But, I'm strongly against guns and I refuse to carry one!. Do you know of anything else I can do!?"
The clerk says "you have 3 options other than a gun!. Option 1 is to carry pepper spray!. Option 2 is to wear bells on your shoes, this way the bears will hear you coming and you won't surprise them by accident!. Option 3 is to learn how to recognize bear crap so you can avoid them!."
The man replies "How do I recognize bear crap!?"
The clerk answers "We'll, it smells like pepper spray and has little bells in it!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
After a few weeks in Hell the engineer began to get frustrated with the poor living conditions!. He set to work and soon had designed air conditioning, reclining chairs, microwaves, and televisions!. Everyone in hell was enjoying the new inventions of the engineer when God looked down one day!.
Needless to say, God was upset that the living conditions in Hell had improved, so he called to Satan saying “What’s going on down there!? How did you get a hold of all that stuff!?”
Satan Replied smugly, “We’ve got ourselves an engineer!.”
God angrily said “What! How did you get an engineer!? There must be some mistake!. I want that engineer back immediately!.”
Satan animatedly refused saying “NO way, we like him and we’re keeping him!.”
God said “Oh yeah, well he’s rightfully mine and if you don’t give him back I’m going to sue you!.”
Satan responded “Oh yeah, and just where do you think YOU are going to find a lawyer!?”
**************
A man walks into a gun shop and says "I'm going to go hiking in Bear country and I want some protection!. But, I'm strongly against guns and I refuse to carry one!. Do you know of anything else I can do!?"
The clerk says "you have 3 options other than a gun!. Option 1 is to carry pepper spray!. Option 2 is to wear bells on your shoes, this way the bears will hear you coming and you won't surprise them by accident!. Option 3 is to learn how to recognize bear crap so you can avoid them!."
The man replies "How do I recognize bear crap!?"
The clerk answers "We'll, it smells like pepper spray and has little bells in it!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
A successful businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble!. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his roundtrip ticket -- If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home!.
So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting!. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie!. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc!. but to no avail!.
The cabbie said (adopt appropriate accent), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the he** out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch hike to the airport and barely caught his flight!.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big!. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport!.
Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck!.
The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan!. The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport!?" he asked!.
"Fifteen bucks," came the reply!.
"And how much for you to give me a blo*job on the way!?"
"What!?! Get the he** out of my cab!."
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result!.
When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport!?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks!." The businessman said "Okay," and off they went!.
Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting!. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie!. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc!. but to no avail!.
The cabbie said (adopt appropriate accent), "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the he** out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch hike to the airport and barely caught his flight!.
One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big!. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport!.
Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck!.
The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan!. The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport!?" he asked!.
"Fifteen bucks," came the reply!.
"And how much for you to give me a blo*job on the way!?"
"What!?! Get the he** out of my cab!."
The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result!.
When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked "How much for a ride to the airport!?" The cabbie replied "fifteen bucks!." The businessman said "Okay," and off they went!.
Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date!. Always!.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people!. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there!.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross!. Just never his own!.
There is no such thing as tornados!. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks!.
Chuck Norris never cries, because of this when he's sad he roundhouse kicks himself and it makes him feel better since he knows he is the only one who can survive the roundhouse!.
Chuck Norris does not procreate, he breeds
When asked what type of vehicle he drives, Chuck Norris responded slyly with "Don't you mean what kind of vehicle drives me!?"
Chuck Norris' evil twin brother, Richard Simmons, once approached Chuck with the hope of reconciliation, but at the sight of Richard's curly, well kept hair, Chuck Norris became so enraged that he turned green with hate and ripped Richard Simmons arms and legs off!. This action was the origin of the Marvel Comic badass, The Incredible Hulk!.
Chuck Norris doesn't worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time!.
The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to!.
Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris!.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub!. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away!.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman!. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”!. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day!. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible!. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people!. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there!.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross!. Just never his own!.
There is no such thing as tornados!. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks!.
Chuck Norris never cries, because of this when he's sad he roundhouse kicks himself and it makes him feel better since he knows he is the only one who can survive the roundhouse!.
Chuck Norris does not procreate, he breeds
When asked what type of vehicle he drives, Chuck Norris responded slyly with "Don't you mean what kind of vehicle drives me!?"
Chuck Norris' evil twin brother, Richard Simmons, once approached Chuck with the hope of reconciliation, but at the sight of Richard's curly, well kept hair, Chuck Norris became so enraged that he turned green with hate and ripped Richard Simmons arms and legs off!. This action was the origin of the Marvel Comic badass, The Incredible Hulk!.
Chuck Norris doesn't worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time!.
The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to!.
Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris!.
Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub!. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away!.
Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman!. He brought baby Jesus the gift of “beard”!. Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day!. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus’ obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible!. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
What is the difference between a sin and a shame!?
It is a sin to put it in, and a shame to pull it out!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
It is a sin to put it in, and a shame to pull it out!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
srry
blonde!!!
lololWww@Enter-QA@Com
blonde!!!
lololWww@Enter-QA@Com
The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."
An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big butt!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big butt didnt it!.!.!.
A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."
"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "
"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!.
learn to speak chinese:
1) That's not right !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive!?!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Dum ***
5) Small Horse !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach!? !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week !.!.!. Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Fa Kin Su Pah
There were these twin sisters just turning one hundred years old in St!. Luke's Nursing Home and the editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these 100 year old twin biddies!.
One of the twins was hard of hearing but the other could hear quite well!.
The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa!.
The deaf one said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other!.
"Now get a little closer together", said the cameraman!.
Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE"!.
So, they wiggled up close to each other!.
"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer!.
Yet again - "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"
With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY GOD - BOTH OF US!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big butt!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big butt didnt it!.!.!.
A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."
"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "
"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!.
learn to speak chinese:
1) That's not right !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive!?!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Dum ***
5) Small Horse !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach!? !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped into a coffee table !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. No Pah King
12) Our meeting is scheduled for next week !.!.!. Wai Yu Kum Nao
13) Staying out of sight !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Lei Ying Lo
14) He's cleaning his automobile !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Wa Shing Ka
15) Your body odor is offensive !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Yu Stin Ki Pu
16) Great !.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!. Fa Kin Su Pah
There were these twin sisters just turning one hundred years old in St!. Luke's Nursing Home and the editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take the pictures of these 100 year old twin biddies!.
One of the twins was hard of hearing but the other could hear quite well!.
The photographer asked them to sit on the sofa!.
The deaf one said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other!.
"Now get a little closer together", said the cameraman!.
Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE"!.
So, they wiggled up close to each other!.
"Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer!.
Yet again - "WHAT DID HE SAY!?"
"HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!"
With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY GOD - BOTH OF US!?Www@Enter-QA@Com