Do you know any good senior jokes i can tell my parents?!
Question: Do you know any good senior jokes i can tell my parents!?
Answers:
An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
did you hear about the old lady who hated flies until she opened one
Two old ladies were rocking in their chairs on the nursing home porch!. One says "Martha, do you remember the minuet!?" Martha answers "Heck, I don't even remember the ones I slept with!."
An elderly woman went into the doctor's office!. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills!." Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs!. Smith, but you're 75 years old!. What possible use could you have for birth control pills!?" The woman responded, "They help me sleep better!." The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep!?" The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night!."
This old couple's sitting on their front porch rocking one morning, she says to him, "Do you remember what we were doing 50 years ago this morning!?" "Yes," he replies, "We was eating breakfast in the nude!." "That's right," she says, "Lets do it again and see if we can re-kindle some of those old feelings!?" "OK, "he agrees!.
Later, as they were eating, she says "Pa!. I think it's working!. My **** are as warm for you now as they ever were!." "Well, they ought to be," he says!. "You got one tit hanging in your coffee and the other's in your oatmeal!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
did you hear about the old lady who hated flies until she opened one
Two old ladies were rocking in their chairs on the nursing home porch!. One says "Martha, do you remember the minuet!?" Martha answers "Heck, I don't even remember the ones I slept with!."
An elderly woman went into the doctor's office!. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills!." Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs!. Smith, but you're 75 years old!. What possible use could you have for birth control pills!?" The woman responded, "They help me sleep better!." The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep!?" The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night!."
This old couple's sitting on their front porch rocking one morning, she says to him, "Do you remember what we were doing 50 years ago this morning!?" "Yes," he replies, "We was eating breakfast in the nude!." "That's right," she says, "Lets do it again and see if we can re-kindle some of those old feelings!?" "OK, "he agrees!.
Later, as they were eating, she says "Pa!. I think it's working!. My **** are as warm for you now as they ever were!." "Well, they ought to be," he says!. "You got one tit hanging in your coffee and the other's in your oatmeal!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
There was these elderly women on a bus trip from Nashville Tn to Jackson Tn to see Casey Jones Village!. On the way one sweet elderly lady sat directly behind the bus driver and kept up good conversation!. She lend forward and asked him if he would like some peanuts and he replied "no thank you mama you enjoy them we have a good trip ahead of us!. " She told him she had plenty and didnt mind sharing!. So he took a handful!. A few minutes later she asked him if he wanted some more!. and he replied, " Mama I dont want to take all your peanuts cause we still have the ride back!." But she insisted!. So he took another handful!. About five minutes later she asked the driver again!. He said " no mama, I have had enough!. They were very good, but like I said before I dont want to eat all your peanuts!." She said " son, you can have all the peanuts you want cause all I needed was the chocolate off them, I have no teeth!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
1) A Sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway!. Asks a bystander as to why're the guys doing what they're doing!. The bystander: A Marathon race is going on
Sardar: What do they get from that!?
Bystander: The winner will get a prize
Sardar: Then why are the others running!?!
2)Sardarji proposes to a woman!. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots!. He sets off to Africa and disappears!. Finally a search is being made; they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one!. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefoot!"
3)A man was very sad!.His friend went n asked him,"y r u sad!?"
the man replies,"wat shud i do!?the gal i m trying 2 forget,i cant remember her name!!!!!"
4)a man got a child after 20 years!.but he was sad!.so the surgeon of hs wife asked the man!."y r u sad!?"
the man replies,"after 20 yrs i hav got a child!.!.!.!.!.!.dat too so many!!!!!!!!"
5)Father: A banker provided by nature
6):Dictionary: The only place where divorce comes before marriage!.
7):Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth!.
8):Marriage: It is an agreement in which a man loses his bachelors degree and woman gains her master's!.
9):Experience: The name men give to their mistakes!.
10):Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Sardar: What do they get from that!?
Bystander: The winner will get a prize
Sardar: Then why are the others running!?!
2)Sardarji proposes to a woman!. She says yes if you bring me a pair of crocodile boots!. He sets off to Africa and disappears!. Finally a search is being made; they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him killing a huge one!. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily exclaims "71st and *again* barefoot!"
3)A man was very sad!.His friend went n asked him,"y r u sad!?"
the man replies,"wat shud i do!?the gal i m trying 2 forget,i cant remember her name!!!!!"
4)a man got a child after 20 years!.but he was sad!.so the surgeon of hs wife asked the man!."y r u sad!?"
the man replies,"after 20 yrs i hav got a child!.!.!.!.!.!.dat too so many!!!!!!!!"
5)Father: A banker provided by nature
6):Dictionary: The only place where divorce comes before marriage!.
7):Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth!.
8):Marriage: It is an agreement in which a man loses his bachelors degree and woman gains her master's!.
9):Experience: The name men give to their mistakes!.
10):Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
There was a widow named Mary!. She was married 4 times!. With her first husband she had 8 kids, with the second she had 5, with her third she had 4 and with her fourth she had 3 more!.
One day she suddenly passed away and two of her friends were talking at the funeral!. The first said to the other it's so sad but at least they're finally together!. The other friend looked at her and asked "what, her legs!?"!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
One day she suddenly passed away and two of her friends were talking at the funeral!. The first said to the other it's so sad but at least they're finally together!. The other friend looked at her and asked "what, her legs!?"!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
An old man is driving down the freeway when his wife calls and says "Vernon! Be careful driving on the freeway!. I'm watching the news and there's a car driving the wrong way!" and the old man says "Heck, it's not just one, it's hundreds of them!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
LOLWww@Enter-QA@Com