I need some hilariouse jokes!!?!
Question: I need some hilariouse jokes!!!?
I need some really funny jokes to tell my friend Mike!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."
An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big butt!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big butt didnt it!.!.!.
A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."
"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "
"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big butt!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big butt didnt it!.!.!.
A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."
"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "
"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
Hope u like it!!!
GROOM & WIFE joke
Jacob age 85, and Rebecca age 79 are all excited about their decision to get married!. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way go past a drugstore!. Jacob suggests that they go in!. He addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner!?” The pharmacist answers, “Yes!.”
Jacob: “Do you sell heart medication!?”
Pharmacist: “Of course we do!.”
Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation!?”
Pharmacist: “All kinds!.”
Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism!?”
Pharmacist: “Definitely!.”
Jacob: “How about Viagra!?”
Pharmacist: “Of course!.”
Jacob: “Medicine for memory!?”
Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety!.”
Jacob: “What about vitamins and sleeping pills!?”
Pharmacist: “Absolutely!.”
Jacob: “Perfect! We’d like to register here for our wedding gifts!.”Www@Enter-QA@Com
GROOM & WIFE joke
Jacob age 85, and Rebecca age 79 are all excited about their decision to get married!. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding and on the way go past a drugstore!. Jacob suggests that they go in!. He addresses the man behind the counter: “Are you the owner!?” The pharmacist answers, “Yes!.”
Jacob: “Do you sell heart medication!?”
Pharmacist: “Of course we do!.”
Jacob: “How about medicine for circulation!?”
Pharmacist: “All kinds!.”
Jacob: “Medicine for rheumatism!?”
Pharmacist: “Definitely!.”
Jacob: “How about Viagra!?”
Pharmacist: “Of course!.”
Jacob: “Medicine for memory!?”
Pharmacist: “Yes, a large variety!.”
Jacob: “What about vitamins and sleeping pills!?”
Pharmacist: “Absolutely!.”
Jacob: “Perfect! We’d like to register here for our wedding gifts!.”Www@Enter-QA@Com
Sherlock Holmes and Dr!. Watson went on a camping trip!.
After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep!.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend!. "Watson, look up and tell me what you see!."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars!."
"What does that tell you!?"
Watson pondered for a minute!. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets!. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo!. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three!. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant!. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow!. Why, what does it tell YOU!?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke!. "Watson, you idiot!. Some jerk has stolen our tent!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night and went to sleep!.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend!. "Watson, look up and tell me what you see!."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars!."
"What does that tell you!?"
Watson pondered for a minute!. "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets!. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo!. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three!. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant!. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow!. Why, what does it tell YOU!?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke!. "Watson, you idiot!. Some jerk has stolen our tent!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
If he's not too terribly religious, I love this one:
A drunken guy was staggering through the streets when he saw a nun!. He ran over and pushed her down, saying, "You're not feelin' so tough tonight, are you, batman!?"
This blonde joke took me too long to get:
A blonde walks into a bar
Ouch!!
I can't think of any other funny ones!. :/Www@Enter-QA@Com
A drunken guy was staggering through the streets when he saw a nun!. He ran over and pushed her down, saying, "You're not feelin' so tough tonight, are you, batman!?"
This blonde joke took me too long to get:
A blonde walks into a bar
Ouch!!
I can't think of any other funny ones!. :/Www@Enter-QA@Com
Jim and Mark are on the swing set one day!.!.!.
"Hey Mark how do you spell hilarious!?"
'I dunno Jim, for god's sake we have went over this before, you know I am not a good speller'
"Stop being such a puss" Jim replied
"Look nothing is going to happen"
'Okay fine!.!.!.' Mark said 'Here goes!.!.!.!. H!.!.i!.!.l!.!.a!.!.!.r!.!.i!.!.o!.!.u!.!.s!.!.e!.!?'
"OHHH MAN I AM SORRY BRO THAT IS WRONG ****** MAN YOU REALLY NEED TO REPEAT SCHOOL AGAIN BUDDY BECAUSE YOU REALLY SUCK AT SPELLING HILARIOUS"
'Really!?' said Mark
'Its funny now but when I kill your family it wont be so funny will it!?'
"I CALL YOUR BLUFF FAG"
*10 minutes later Mark comes back with a bloody shirt on*
' Now THAT was P H U N N Y! Mwahaha!.'
"touché Mark, touché!."
HahahahWww@Enter-QA@Com
"Hey Mark how do you spell hilarious!?"
'I dunno Jim, for god's sake we have went over this before, you know I am not a good speller'
"Stop being such a puss" Jim replied
"Look nothing is going to happen"
'Okay fine!.!.!.' Mark said 'Here goes!.!.!.!. H!.!.i!.!.l!.!.a!.!.!.r!.!.i!.!.o!.!.u!.!.s!.!.e!.!?'
"OHHH MAN I AM SORRY BRO THAT IS WRONG ****** MAN YOU REALLY NEED TO REPEAT SCHOOL AGAIN BUDDY BECAUSE YOU REALLY SUCK AT SPELLING HILARIOUS"
'Really!?' said Mark
'Its funny now but when I kill your family it wont be so funny will it!?'
"I CALL YOUR BLUFF FAG"
*10 minutes later Mark comes back with a bloody shirt on*
' Now THAT was P H U N N Y! Mwahaha!.'
"touché Mark, touché!."
HahahahWww@Enter-QA@Com
Q!. Why did Washington cross the Delaware!?
A!. To get to the other side!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
A!. To get to the other side!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
What did the bald man say as he was leaving!? I'm outta hair! Ba Dum - ChaWww@Enter-QA@Com