Anyone know a good joke?!
Question: Anyone know a good joke!?
I just found out my sister lost her children in a temporary custody hearing!. Basically, her ex lied and got other people to lie for him, and my sister is about as honest as they come!. Apparently liars win in temporary custody hearings!. Good rule of advice for you all!
In any case, it is temporary, but naturally we are really down about it!. I could really use a good joke to cheer me up, but I'll settle for you trolls making fun of me! LOL!Www@Enter-QA@Com
In any case, it is temporary, but naturally we are really down about it!. I could really use a good joke to cheer me up, but I'll settle for you trolls making fun of me! LOL!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
hope all works out!.!.!.good luck
The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."
An old woman walks into a singles bar looking for a little action!. A distinguished older gentleman approaches her and they really hit it off!. After a few drinks they decide to get a hotel room and get it on!. As they sit naked on the bed, the old man takes out his hearing aids and moves in!. The old woman stops him and says, "before we do this, i should tell you i have acute angina!." The old man looks at her, smiles and says, I sure hope so, cause you got ugly ****!."
An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big a$$!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big a$$ didnt it!.!.!.
A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."
"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "
"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!.
blonde version of who wants to be a millionaire:
fastest finger question: put these Rocky movies in order starting with the earliest!.!.!.!.!.Rocky 1,Rocky 2,Rocky 3,Rocky 4
These 2 blonde girls drove to Disneyland!.They saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left" So they went left and went back home!.
They found 2 blonde girls frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre!. They went to see "Closed For The Winter"!.
why cant blondes make kool-aid
they cant figure out how they get 8 cups water in the koolaid packet
Did you hear about the blonde that was fired at the M&M company!?
They caught her throwing away all the W'S!.
Doctor (using a stethoscope): "Big breaths!."
Blond: Yeth!. And I'm not even thickteen yet
how did the blonde get square boobs
she forgot to take the kleenix out of the boxWww@Enter-QA@Com
The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."
An old woman walks into a singles bar looking for a little action!. A distinguished older gentleman approaches her and they really hit it off!. After a few drinks they decide to get a hotel room and get it on!. As they sit naked on the bed, the old man takes out his hearing aids and moves in!. The old woman stops him and says, "before we do this, i should tell you i have acute angina!." The old man looks at her, smiles and says, I sure hope so, cause you got ugly ****!."
An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big a$$!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big a$$ didnt it!.!.!.
A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."
"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "
"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!.
blonde version of who wants to be a millionaire:
fastest finger question: put these Rocky movies in order starting with the earliest!.!.!.!.!.Rocky 1,Rocky 2,Rocky 3,Rocky 4
These 2 blonde girls drove to Disneyland!.They saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left" So they went left and went back home!.
They found 2 blonde girls frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre!. They went to see "Closed For The Winter"!.
why cant blondes make kool-aid
they cant figure out how they get 8 cups water in the koolaid packet
Did you hear about the blonde that was fired at the M&M company!?
They caught her throwing away all the W'S!.
Doctor (using a stethoscope): "Big breaths!."
Blond: Yeth!. And I'm not even thickteen yet
how did the blonde get square boobs
she forgot to take the kleenix out of the boxWww@Enter-QA@Com
Memory's Going
An eighty year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to make sure nothing was wrong with them!. When they arrived at the doctor's office, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory!.
After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down, making notes to help them remember things!. The couple thanked the doctor and left!.
Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going!?"
He replied, "To the kitchen!."
She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream!?"
"Sure!."
Then his wife asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it!?"
"No, I can remember that!."
"Well, I also would like some strawberries on top!. You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that," his wife said!.
"I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries!."
She replied, "Well, I also would like whipped cream on top!. I know you will forget that!. You had better write it down!."
With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down, I can remember that!." He went into the kitchen!.
After about 20 minutes, he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs!.
She stared at the plate for a moment and said, "You forgot my toast!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
An eighty year old couple were having problems remembering things, so they decided to go to their doctor to make sure nothing was wrong with them!. When they arrived at the doctor's office, they explained to the doctor about the problems they were having with their memory!.
After checking the couple out, the doctor told them that they were physically okay but might want to start writing things down, making notes to help them remember things!. The couple thanked the doctor and left!.
Later that night while watching TV, the old man got up from his chair and his wife asked, "Where are you going!?"
He replied, "To the kitchen!."
She asked, "Will you get me a bowl of ice cream!?"
"Sure!."
Then his wife asked him, "Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it!?"
"No, I can remember that!."
"Well, I also would like some strawberries on top!. You had better write that down cause I know you'll forget that," his wife said!.
"I can remember that, you want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries!."
She replied, "Well, I also would like whipped cream on top!. I know you will forget that!. You had better write it down!."
With irritation in his voice, he said, "I don't need to write that down, I can remember that!." He went into the kitchen!.
After about 20 minutes, he returned from the kitchen and handed her a plate of bacon and eggs!.
She stared at the plate for a moment and said, "You forgot my toast!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
Two couples both in their late 80's were sitting down at the dining table!. Having just finished their evening meal the two ladies got up and went into the kitchen to make a pot of tea, leaving the two old boys to chat!. 'We went out to a really posh restaurant last night and for the life of me I can't remember the name of it', said the one old boy to the other!. Oh! What's the name of that flower that has thorns on it and you grow them in the garden!? he continued!. 'A rose!?' replied the other, 'Yes that's it! answered the first old boy then shouted into the kitchen, 'Rose darling what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
Hmm thats funny the same thing happened to my brother and his ex is a blatant liar!
Nonetheless, my advice---no jokes!. Totally inappropriate!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Nonetheless, my advice---no jokes!. Totally inappropriate!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
you sould join "funnypranksandjokes"
at yahoo groupsWww@Enter-QA@Com
at yahoo groupsWww@Enter-QA@Com
Did you hear the one about the blonde that went to "Jokes & Riddles" & asked for jokes & riddles, instead of reading the jokes & riddles!?Www@Enter-QA@Com