I'm feeling really angry, anyone got any jokes?!
Question: I'm feeling really angry, anyone got any jokes!?
it looks like that my engagement will be over before the strike of midnight!.!.!. i'm hating men right now!.!.!. can anyone tell me something funny to cheer me up!?!?!?!?!?!?!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."
An old woman walks into a singles bar looking for a little action!. A distinguished older gentleman approaches her and they really hit it off!. After a few drinks they decide to get a hotel room and get it on!. As they sit naked on the bed, the old man takes out his hearing aids and moves in!. The old woman stops him and says, "before we do this, i should tell you i have acute angina!." The old man looks at her, smiles and says, I sure hope so, cause you got ugly ****!."
An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big a$$!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big a$$ didnt it!.!.!.
A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."
"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "
"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!."
mothers have a day called mothers day, fathers have a day called fathers day so what day do Single men have!? Palm Day!
Did you hear about the old lady that hated flies until she opened one!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
An old woman walks into a singles bar looking for a little action!. A distinguished older gentleman approaches her and they really hit it off!. After a few drinks they decide to get a hotel room and get it on!. As they sit naked on the bed, the old man takes out his hearing aids and moves in!. The old woman stops him and says, "before we do this, i should tell you i have acute angina!." The old man looks at her, smiles and says, I sure hope so, cause you got ugly ****!."
An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big a$$!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big a$$ didnt it!.!.!.
A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."
"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "
"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!."
mothers have a day called mothers day, fathers have a day called fathers day so what day do Single men have!? Palm Day!
Did you hear about the old lady that hated flies until she opened one!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde woman wave at him and says hello!. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from!. So he says, "Do you Know me!?"
To which she replies, "I think your the father of one of my kids!."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he as ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor Party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery and then stuck a carrot in my *** !?!?!?
She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
To which she replies, "I think your the father of one of my kids!."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he as ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor Party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery and then stuck a carrot in my *** !?!?!?
She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
a man was dating this blonde and they had a date that night!. the man wanted to impress her so he decides to tan on his roof!. he doesn't want any tan lines so he tans naked!. a short time later he falls asleep!. he wakes up hours later and finds hes burnt his parts!. he doesn't know what he should do so he calls up his friend and asks him for advice!. his friend tells him to put his parts into a tall glass of milk!. the man thinks this is odd but goes along!. he puts ointment on his parts and wraps it in guaze!. a few hours later his girlfriend shows up and they decide to watch a movie at his place!. during the movie the mans parts start to throb!. after a few moments of extreme discomfort he asks to be excused!. he goes into the kitchen and pours himself a tall glass of milk and puts his throbbing parts into it!. a feeling of intense releif goes through him!. just then his girlfriend walks, sees him with his parts in the milk and says, "Oh so THATS how you load those things!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
I hope this on does the trick for you!.!.!.!.!.
The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo) is not just an athlete!.!.!.!. She is now a nurse currently working at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital!. She is not permitted to answer the hospital telephones!. It caused too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say,
" Picabo, ICU!. "Www@Enter-QA@Com
The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo) is not just an athlete!.!.!.!. She is now a nurse currently working at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital!. She is not permitted to answer the hospital telephones!. It caused too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say,
" Picabo, ICU!. "Www@Enter-QA@Com
These are dirty, but I'm just answering the quesiton:
This is dirty and please don't report me, just answering the question!
Okay, so a little boy was watching a movie!. Then a woman in the movie says, "I'll get what I want, when I want!" then rips her blouse off!.
The little boy thinks of this for a few minutes and turns off the televison!.
So, he goes to the neighbor and he rings the doorbell!. A little girl answers and the little boy says, " I'll get what I want when I want!" then rips off the girl's blouse!.
The girl says, "You'll get what you want when you want when I get it!."
This made me giggle!.
THis is another dirty joke that I found in Yahoo Answers!. Just Random!.
So, an old man was walking in the beach when he sees this HOT blonde woman sitting, wearing an awesome bikini!. He stares at her and comes up to her!.
"I'll pay you $20 so that I can feel your boobs!" he says!.
"NO!" the girl says, disgusted!.
"$50!!!"
"NO!"
"$150!"
"NO!"
"500!"
The blonde smiles and thinks,
Well, he's harmless and old, and that's a lot of money!.
So, the hot girl agrees and unstraps her bikini!.
The old man is stunned and stares at her big boobs for 5 minutes!.
"Well!? Just a minute, okay!?" the girl says!.
"Okay!."
The man rubs it and starts to say, "OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!."
When he finishes, the girl says, "WHy did you keep on saying that!?"
"Because where am I going to find $500 dollars!?!?!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com
This is dirty and please don't report me, just answering the question!
Okay, so a little boy was watching a movie!. Then a woman in the movie says, "I'll get what I want, when I want!" then rips her blouse off!.
The little boy thinks of this for a few minutes and turns off the televison!.
So, he goes to the neighbor and he rings the doorbell!. A little girl answers and the little boy says, " I'll get what I want when I want!" then rips off the girl's blouse!.
The girl says, "You'll get what you want when you want when I get it!."
This made me giggle!.
THis is another dirty joke that I found in Yahoo Answers!. Just Random!.
So, an old man was walking in the beach when he sees this HOT blonde woman sitting, wearing an awesome bikini!. He stares at her and comes up to her!.
"I'll pay you $20 so that I can feel your boobs!" he says!.
"NO!" the girl says, disgusted!.
"$50!!!"
"NO!"
"$150!"
"NO!"
"500!"
The blonde smiles and thinks,
Well, he's harmless and old, and that's a lot of money!.
So, the hot girl agrees and unstraps her bikini!.
The old man is stunned and stares at her big boobs for 5 minutes!.
"Well!? Just a minute, okay!?" the girl says!.
"Okay!."
The man rubs it and starts to say, "OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!."
When he finishes, the girl says, "WHy did you keep on saying that!?"
"Because where am I going to find $500 dollars!?!?!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com
what is ET short for!? Because he has little legs!.
2 nuns in a car!. A vampire tries to attack them as one says to the other "Show him your cross!" The other says "Get off my f**king car"
What did the traffic light say to the other!? Don't look now i'm changing!.
Men are crap you can do better!Www@Enter-QA@Com
2 nuns in a car!. A vampire tries to attack them as one says to the other "Show him your cross!" The other says "Get off my f**king car"
What did the traffic light say to the other!? Don't look now i'm changing!.
Men are crap you can do better!Www@Enter-QA@Com
1!. Fat winston finds an old lamp, after giving it a polish a genie appears he gives winston one wish, id like to be slim white and surrounded by p!.u!.s!.s!.y, there was a puff of smoke and winston turned into a tampon!. Remember if your offered something for nothin theres usually a string attached!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
2!. To give herself more street cred jennifer lopez took the first letter of her first name and the first sylable of her second name and successful re branded herself as the more 'urban' j-lo!. I cant think why the newly reformed pete doherty with his street credibility on the wane, hasnt done the same thing lol get it!
3!. Paddy pulls along a side lorry oi driver yer loosing ya load, drive shouts f off 5 miles further paddy yells im not joking ur loosing ya load driver says will you go away u thick git im gritting!
4!. An americal politician shaves her privates before speaking at an election debate lifting her skirt she declares, read my lips NO MORE BUSH
5!. A parrot swallows a viagra tablet, kis owner disgusted but him in the freezer to cool off!. Later when he opened the freezer he found the parrot sweating " how come ur sweating " he asks the parrot replied, " do you know how 'f' ing hard it is to open the legs to the frozen chicken!.
Hope i gave you a laugh, if you want some more email me i have loads
xxWww@Enter-QA@Com
2!. To give herself more street cred jennifer lopez took the first letter of her first name and the first sylable of her second name and successful re branded herself as the more 'urban' j-lo!. I cant think why the newly reformed pete doherty with his street credibility on the wane, hasnt done the same thing lol get it!
3!. Paddy pulls along a side lorry oi driver yer loosing ya load, drive shouts f off 5 miles further paddy yells im not joking ur loosing ya load driver says will you go away u thick git im gritting!
4!. An americal politician shaves her privates before speaking at an election debate lifting her skirt she declares, read my lips NO MORE BUSH
5!. A parrot swallows a viagra tablet, kis owner disgusted but him in the freezer to cool off!. Later when he opened the freezer he found the parrot sweating " how come ur sweating " he asks the parrot replied, " do you know how 'f' ing hard it is to open the legs to the frozen chicken!.
Hope i gave you a laugh, if you want some more email me i have loads
xxWww@Enter-QA@Com
Ouch!. well if u go to www!.bored!.com and you look at dumb moments there might be stuff to cheer you up they are really funny!. heres the page to get you started: http://www!.bored!.com/dumbmoments/index25!.!.!.
this is the page im reading right now!. hope it gets better!Www@Enter-QA@Com
this is the page im reading right now!. hope it gets better!Www@Enter-QA@Com
There was an old lady who swallowed a fly,
!.!.!.she didn't realise she had to unzip first!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
!.!.!.she didn't realise she had to unzip first!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=gmnt0FAGK!.!.!. xxxxhope that cheers you up xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
your moma so ugly she has to sneak up on a glass of water to get a drink!Www@Enter-QA@Com
what kind of ears does a train have!?
engine ears :)
lol
hope this made you chuckle :) xWww@Enter-QA@Com
engine ears :)
lol
hope this made you chuckle :) xWww@Enter-QA@Com