Come up with the funniest joke and win best answer?!
Question: Come up with the funniest joke and win best answer!?
answer and win!.!.!.!.!!!!!!!!!.!.!.!.!!!!!!!!!!!.!.!.!.!.!.!!!!!!.!.!.
Do it nowWww@Enter-QA@Com
Do it nowWww@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
3 NUNS
There were 3 nuns in a nunnery, and they weretelling the priest their sins, so that he could wash them away with the 'holy water'!.
The first nun says, 'please forgive me, i ran around town naked last night', the priest puts some holy water on her head to wash away the sin, and the 3rd nun starts to laugh!.
The second nun says, 'please forgive me, i had sex last night!.' Once again, the priest puts holy water on her head and the 3rd nun laughs!.
The priest comes to the 3rd nun, she says, 'Please forgive me, i pissed in the holy water'
=DWww@Enter-QA@Com
There were 3 nuns in a nunnery, and they weretelling the priest their sins, so that he could wash them away with the 'holy water'!.
The first nun says, 'please forgive me, i ran around town naked last night', the priest puts some holy water on her head to wash away the sin, and the 3rd nun starts to laugh!.
The second nun says, 'please forgive me, i had sex last night!.' Once again, the priest puts holy water on her head and the 3rd nun laughs!.
The priest comes to the 3rd nun, she says, 'Please forgive me, i pissed in the holy water'
=DWww@Enter-QA@Com
Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3!.1 to GirlFriendPlus 1!.0 (marketing name: Fiancee 1!.0)!. Recently he upgraded Fiancee 1!.0 to Wife 1!.0 and it's a memory hogger, it has taken all his space; and Wife1!.0 must be running before he can do anything!. Although he did not ask for it, Wife 1!.0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw!.
Some features I'd like to see in the Upcoming GirlFriend 4!.0!.!.!.
- A 'Don't remind me again' button
- Minimize button
- Shutdown feature
- An install shield feature so that Girlfriend 4!.0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don't lose cache and other objects)
I tried running Girlfriend 2!.0 with girlfriend 1!.0 still installed, they tried using the same i/o port and conflicted!. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1!.0 but it didn't have an uninstall program!. I tried to uninstall it by hand, but it put files in my system directory!. Another thing that sucks in all versions of girlfriend that I've used is that it is totally 'object orientated' and only supported hardware with gold plated contacts!.
Bug Warning: Wife 1!.0 has an undocumented bug!. If you try to install Mistress 1!.1 before uninstalling Wife 1!.0, Wife 1!.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself!. Then Mistress 1!.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources!.
fromWww@Enter-QA@Com
Some features I'd like to see in the Upcoming GirlFriend 4!.0!.!.!.
- A 'Don't remind me again' button
- Minimize button
- Shutdown feature
- An install shield feature so that Girlfriend 4!.0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don't lose cache and other objects)
I tried running Girlfriend 2!.0 with girlfriend 1!.0 still installed, they tried using the same i/o port and conflicted!. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1!.0 but it didn't have an uninstall program!. I tried to uninstall it by hand, but it put files in my system directory!. Another thing that sucks in all versions of girlfriend that I've used is that it is totally 'object orientated' and only supported hardware with gold plated contacts!.
Bug Warning: Wife 1!.0 has an undocumented bug!. If you try to install Mistress 1!.1 before uninstalling Wife 1!.0, Wife 1!.0 will delete MSMoney files before doing the uninstall itself!. Then Mistress 1!.1 will refuse to install, claiming insufficient resources!.
fromWww@Enter-QA@Com
There was a mirror in a store where if you told it the truth, you would get anything you wish for, yet if you tell a lie, you will get sucked into the mirror!. One day three women went up to this mirror at seperate times!. The first woman was a redhead!. While looking in the mirror she she said "I think i am the prettiest person in this store!." She instantly got her wish and was a multi-billionaire!. The next woman was a brunette!. And she said to the mirror "I think I am the thinnest person in this store!." She immediately got her wish and became a world wide celebrity!. The third woman to approach the mirror was a blonde!. And while looking herself in the eyes, she said "I think!.!." before she could finish she was sucked into the mirror!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
GLOVES AND PANTIES
A man went to a gift store to buy his girlfriend a pair of gloves!. He had the manager try them on!. She said they were perfect, so he had the manager wrap them up!. When the manager gave him the gift she accidently gave him a pair of panties instead!. When the girlfriend got the gift there was a note attached to it!.
The note read:
Dear Honey, Hope you like the gift!.The lady at store said they were perfect!. I had her try them on for me!. She looked more like a lady!. I hope you will wear them for me Friday night!.
Love, Bobby
PS:The latest style is to wear them folded in with a little fur showing!.
XDWww@Enter-QA@Com
A man went to a gift store to buy his girlfriend a pair of gloves!. He had the manager try them on!. She said they were perfect, so he had the manager wrap them up!. When the manager gave him the gift she accidently gave him a pair of panties instead!. When the girlfriend got the gift there was a note attached to it!.
The note read:
Dear Honey, Hope you like the gift!.The lady at store said they were perfect!. I had her try them on for me!. She looked more like a lady!. I hope you will wear them for me Friday night!.
Love, Bobby
PS:The latest style is to wear them folded in with a little fur showing!.
XDWww@Enter-QA@Com
Hi! I have some jokes and riddles for you!
Joke 1:
Robert: My wife went for horse riding to lose weight!. Lost 5kg --
Tim: It is pretty normal!
Robert: No! She didn't lose 5kg! The horse did!
Joke 2:
3 boys challenged to enter a dirty pig sty and stay there for the longest!. The first boy went in and came out in 10 minutes!. The second boy went in and came out in 5minutes!. The third boy went in and!.!.!.All the pigs rushed out in ONLY 5SECONDS!
Joke 3:
A man walked as a brd flew by and shitted on his head!. Guess what he said!? "Thank Goodness ELEPHANTS DON'T FLY!"
Joke 4:
Mr Bean went to the doctor and the doctor said!.
Doctor: You've got a tumour in your brain!.
Mr Bean: Yay!
Doctor: Why can you still yay!?
Mr Bean: This proves that I still have a brain!
Joke 5:
Head Master: Hey boy! Why are you running!? Do you know who am I!?
Naughty boy: There is this dude here who doesn't even know who he is! Haha!
Riddle 1:
A father and his son got into a car accident!. The father died and the son was in the operation room!. Suddenly, the surgeon shouted, "I can't operate on him! He is my son!" HOw is this surgeon related to the boy!?
Ans: The mother
Riddle 2:
Guess what is ID ten T!? Write it down!. You will understand!.
Ans: ID10T (idiot)
Riddle 3:
Your enemy is treating you to a french meal!. There are two stalls selling spagetti!. One of them sells at $1 and the other at $5!. You know it is your enemy and you wanted him to pay more!. However, you heard that the $1 one is the nicer tasting and your parents loved it and the $5 one tastes like poo!. The two spagetti look alike!. What do you do!? There are two answers!.
Ans1: You ask your enemy for $5, telling him you wanted to buy the $5 one!. And you go and buy the $1 one!. You get a change of $4 and you get to keep his money! HAHA!
Ans2: You take $6 from him and buy the two plates of spagetti!. You give him the $5 one and give yourself the $1 one!. You say this!. " I shall give you the more expensive one!. Since you are treating me, I am just going to eat the $1 cheap one!." When your enemy eats his meal!.!.!. POO!
Riddle 4:
You are a surgeon and your best friend working for you and mother are both sick at the same time!. You can only save one!. Who do you save!? How do you save both of them!?
Ans: You save your best friend and since she is working with you, she can save your mum!
Riddle 5:
You are lost in a deserted forest!. You drove your sports car with you!. Along your way, you see three people, your best friend, your lover and an old man who is injured and need to be sent to the hospital immediately if not, he will die!. You can only save one person as you are riding a sports car!. All of you do not have handphones along!. Who do you save!?
Ans: Thinking too complicated!? Things are simple!. You give your sports car to your best friend and ask him to send the old man to the hospital!. Then, he will go to the hospital and inform them police about your wherabouts!. While your best friend is busy, You and you lover can stay behind together!.!.!.
Nice jokes!?
I hope you like them because the riddles are made by myself And they are original!
Bunnie BonesWww@Enter-QA@Com
Joke 1:
Robert: My wife went for horse riding to lose weight!. Lost 5kg --
Tim: It is pretty normal!
Robert: No! She didn't lose 5kg! The horse did!
Joke 2:
3 boys challenged to enter a dirty pig sty and stay there for the longest!. The first boy went in and came out in 10 minutes!. The second boy went in and came out in 5minutes!. The third boy went in and!.!.!.All the pigs rushed out in ONLY 5SECONDS!
Joke 3:
A man walked as a brd flew by and shitted on his head!. Guess what he said!? "Thank Goodness ELEPHANTS DON'T FLY!"
Joke 4:
Mr Bean went to the doctor and the doctor said!.
Doctor: You've got a tumour in your brain!.
Mr Bean: Yay!
Doctor: Why can you still yay!?
Mr Bean: This proves that I still have a brain!
Joke 5:
Head Master: Hey boy! Why are you running!? Do you know who am I!?
Naughty boy: There is this dude here who doesn't even know who he is! Haha!
Riddle 1:
A father and his son got into a car accident!. The father died and the son was in the operation room!. Suddenly, the surgeon shouted, "I can't operate on him! He is my son!" HOw is this surgeon related to the boy!?
Ans: The mother
Riddle 2:
Guess what is ID ten T!? Write it down!. You will understand!.
Ans: ID10T (idiot)
Riddle 3:
Your enemy is treating you to a french meal!. There are two stalls selling spagetti!. One of them sells at $1 and the other at $5!. You know it is your enemy and you wanted him to pay more!. However, you heard that the $1 one is the nicer tasting and your parents loved it and the $5 one tastes like poo!. The two spagetti look alike!. What do you do!? There are two answers!.
Ans1: You ask your enemy for $5, telling him you wanted to buy the $5 one!. And you go and buy the $1 one!. You get a change of $4 and you get to keep his money! HAHA!
Ans2: You take $6 from him and buy the two plates of spagetti!. You give him the $5 one and give yourself the $1 one!. You say this!. " I shall give you the more expensive one!. Since you are treating me, I am just going to eat the $1 cheap one!." When your enemy eats his meal!.!.!. POO!
Riddle 4:
You are a surgeon and your best friend working for you and mother are both sick at the same time!. You can only save one!. Who do you save!? How do you save both of them!?
Ans: You save your best friend and since she is working with you, she can save your mum!
Riddle 5:
You are lost in a deserted forest!. You drove your sports car with you!. Along your way, you see three people, your best friend, your lover and an old man who is injured and need to be sent to the hospital immediately if not, he will die!. You can only save one person as you are riding a sports car!. All of you do not have handphones along!. Who do you save!?
Ans: Thinking too complicated!? Things are simple!. You give your sports car to your best friend and ask him to send the old man to the hospital!. Then, he will go to the hospital and inform them police about your wherabouts!. While your best friend is busy, You and you lover can stay behind together!.!.!.
Nice jokes!?
I hope you like them because the riddles are made by myself And they are original!
Bunnie BonesWww@Enter-QA@Com
The boss had to fire somebody and he narrowed it down to one of two people - Debra or Jack!.
It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers!. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning!.
Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night!. She went straight to the cooler to take an aspirin!.
The boss approached her and said: 'Debra, I've never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off!.'
'Could you jack off!?' she says!. 'because ive got a headache!.'Www@Enter-QA@Com
It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers!. Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning!.
Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night!. She went straight to the cooler to take an aspirin!.
The boss approached her and said: 'Debra, I've never done this before but I have to lay you or Jack off!.'
'Could you jack off!?' she says!. 'because ive got a headache!.'Www@Enter-QA@Com
RIGHT CHIPMUNK TRY THIS''!? The after life!?
A couple made a deal that whoever died first, they would come back and inform the other of the after life!. The woman's biggest fear was there was no heaven!.
After a long life the husband was the first to go and true to his word he made contact!.
Mary!.!.!. Mary!.!.!.!.
Is that you Fred!?
Yes, I have come back like we agreed!.
What is it like!?
Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, then I have sex-twice, I have lunch, then sex pretty much all afternoon-supper-then sex till late at night, sleep then start all over again!.
Oh Fred you surely must be in heaven!.
Hell no, I'm a rabbit in KansasWww@Enter-QA@Com
A couple made a deal that whoever died first, they would come back and inform the other of the after life!. The woman's biggest fear was there was no heaven!.
After a long life the husband was the first to go and true to his word he made contact!.
Mary!.!.!. Mary!.!.!.!.
Is that you Fred!?
Yes, I have come back like we agreed!.
What is it like!?
Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex, I have breakfast, I have sex, I bathe in the sun, then I have sex-twice, I have lunch, then sex pretty much all afternoon-supper-then sex till late at night, sleep then start all over again!.
Oh Fred you surely must be in heaven!.
Hell no, I'm a rabbit in KansasWww@Enter-QA@Com
An atheist was walking through the woods one day in Alaska admiring all that evolution had created!.
"What majestic trees !
What a powerful river !
What beautiful animals!" he said to himself!.
As he walked alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him!. Turning to look, he saw a 13 foot Kodiak bear beginning to charge toward him!. He ran as fast as he could down the path!. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was rapidly closing on him!. Somehow he ran even faster, so scared that tears came to his eyes!. He looked again and the bear was even closer!. His heart pounding in his chest he tried to run even faster yet!. But alas, he tripped and fell to the ground!. As he rolled over to pick himself up he saw the bear reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to deliver a killing blow!.
"OH MY GOD !" he pleadingly screamed!.
Time stopped!.
The bear froze!.
The forest was silent!.
Even the powerful river stopped flowing!.
A brilliant light shone upon the man and a thunderous voice came from all around,
"YOU DENY MY EXISTENCE FOR ALL THESE YEARS!. YOU TEACH OTHERS THAT I DON'T EXIST!. YOU EVEN CREDIT CREATION TO SOME COSMIC ACCIDENT!. DO YOU EXPECT ME TO HELP YOU OUT OF THIS PREDICAMENT!? AM I TO COUNT YOU AS A BELIEVER!? "
Difficult as it was, the atheist looked directly into the light and said, "It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years and under these circumstances but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian!? "
"VERY WELL" said the voice!.
The light went out!.
The river ran!.
The sounds of the forest resumed!.
The huge bear dropped down on his knees, brought both paws together, bowed and spoke!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
"Lord, thank you for this food which I am about to receive!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
"What majestic trees !
What a powerful river !
What beautiful animals!" he said to himself!.
As he walked alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him!. Turning to look, he saw a 13 foot Kodiak bear beginning to charge toward him!. He ran as fast as he could down the path!. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was rapidly closing on him!. Somehow he ran even faster, so scared that tears came to his eyes!. He looked again and the bear was even closer!. His heart pounding in his chest he tried to run even faster yet!. But alas, he tripped and fell to the ground!. As he rolled over to pick himself up he saw the bear reaching for him with his left paw and raising his right paw to deliver a killing blow!.
"OH MY GOD !" he pleadingly screamed!.
Time stopped!.
The bear froze!.
The forest was silent!.
Even the powerful river stopped flowing!.
A brilliant light shone upon the man and a thunderous voice came from all around,
"YOU DENY MY EXISTENCE FOR ALL THESE YEARS!. YOU TEACH OTHERS THAT I DON'T EXIST!. YOU EVEN CREDIT CREATION TO SOME COSMIC ACCIDENT!. DO YOU EXPECT ME TO HELP YOU OUT OF THIS PREDICAMENT!? AM I TO COUNT YOU AS A BELIEVER!? "
Difficult as it was, the atheist looked directly into the light and said, "It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years and under these circumstances but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian!? "
"VERY WELL" said the voice!.
The light went out!.
The river ran!.
The sounds of the forest resumed!.
The huge bear dropped down on his knees, brought both paws together, bowed and spoke!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
"Lord, thank you for this food which I am about to receive!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
An attractive blonde was riding home in the back of a taxi when it broke down!. The driver said that he needed a few minutes just to fix the engine!.
The blonde, wanting to help, asks, "Would you like a screwdriver!?"
The driver replies, "That would be great, could you let me fix this motor first!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com
The blonde, wanting to help, asks, "Would you like a screwdriver!?"
The driver replies, "That would be great, could you let me fix this motor first!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com
a guy meets a woman whilst on vacation,!.!.they hit it off and want to stay in contact after they return from their vacation!. he tells her!.!.!."i gotta warn you, if you date me, you will be playing second fiddle because my first love is golf!.!.!.!.i play it every day, come rain or shine, i live and breathe golf!.!.!.!." she replies!.!."well i appreciate your honesty and since you're being so forthcoming i should probably warn you about me,!.!.you see,!.!.!.i'm a hooker!.!.!." he says!.!.!."oh, no problem, you're probably just twisting the club head when you follow through with your swing"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Old Bull and Young Bull were standing on a hill!. Young Bull says to Old Bull, "Let's run down there and have sex with one of them cows!." Old Bull says, "No, let's WALK down there, and have sex with all of them!.!.!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
How do you tell a gay platypus from a straight platypus!. The same way you tell any platypus, "PLATYPUS JUST GET THE MAIL, I AM SO SICK OF YOUR BEAK IT'S LIKE A DUCK BILL!!!!!"
If you don't understand it you are obviously mentally challengedWww@Enter-QA@Com
If you don't understand it you are obviously mentally challengedWww@Enter-QA@Com
Wendell is uncut, when his girlfriend found out, she laughs at his dick so he decided to get circed, at the operating room, the sexy nurse said that he should undress, so Wendell undressed!. !. !. the nurseWww@Enter-QA@Com
This is immature though!.
There is a camel and an elephant!.
The elephant says to the camel "why do you have two b00bs on your back!?''
The camel replies "at least I don't have a d!ck on my face!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
There is a camel and an elephant!.
The elephant says to the camel "why do you have two b00bs on your back!?''
The camel replies "at least I don't have a d!ck on my face!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
How Do You Drown A Blonde In A Swimming Pool !?
Put A Scratch And Sniff Sticker At The Bottom !Www@Enter-QA@Com
Put A Scratch And Sniff Sticker At The Bottom !Www@Enter-QA@Com
Give it to MikMik!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."
An old woman walks into a singles bar looking for a little action!. A distinguished older gentleman approaches her and they really hit it off!. After a few drinks they decide to get a hotel room and get it on!. As they sit naked on the bed, the old man takes out his hearing aids and moves in!. The old woman stops him and says, "before we do this, i should tell you i have acute angina!." The old man looks at her, smiles and says, I sure hope so, cause you got ugly ****!."
An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big a$$!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big a$$ didnt it!.!.!.
A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."
"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "
"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
An old woman walks into a singles bar looking for a little action!. A distinguished older gentleman approaches her and they really hit it off!. After a few drinks they decide to get a hotel room and get it on!. As they sit naked on the bed, the old man takes out his hearing aids and moves in!. The old woman stops him and says, "before we do this, i should tell you i have acute angina!." The old man looks at her, smiles and says, I sure hope so, cause you got ugly ****!."
An old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big a$$!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big a$$ didnt it!.!.!.
A bus stops and 2 men get on with really strong accents!. They sit down and
have a conversation!.
The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first,
but all of a sudden when she hears one of them say the following:
"Emma come first!. Den I come!. Den two esses acoma together!. I
come once-a-more!. Two esses, they comma together again!. I
come again and pee twice!. Then I come one lasta time!."
"You dirty-mouth pigs," yelled the lady
!.” In this country !. !. !. we don't speak dirty in
public places about our sex lives!. !. !. "
"Hey, relax lady whats sa-matter for you!?," said the man!. "Who talkin' abouta
sex!?
I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'!."
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
here are my answers:
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink!. He stays like that for half of an hour!.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down!. The poor man starts crying!. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking!. Here, I'll buy you another drink!. I just can't stand to see a man cry!."
"No, it's not that!. This day is the worst of my life!. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office!. My boss, outrageous, fires me!. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen!. The police said that they can do nothing!. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there!. The cab driver just drives away!."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener!. I leave home, and come to this bar!. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison!."
and another one!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat!. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him!. The nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off the at the next stop!.
When the bus starts on it's way the driver says to the hippie, "I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you!." The hippie says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery and prays to God!. "If you went dressed in a robe and glow in the dark paint mask she would think you are God and you could command her to have sex with you!."
The hippie decides this is a great idea, so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun to show up!. At midnight sure enough the nun shows up and begins praying the hippie jumped out from hiding and says!. "I AM GOD! I have heard your prayers and I will answer them, BUT !.!.!. first you must have sex with me!." The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity because she is married to the church!. The hippie agrees to this and has his way with the nun!.
After the hippie finishes he stands up and rips off the mask and shouts,"Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the hippie!!"
Then the nun jumps up and shouts, "Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the bus driver!!"
and!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy!.
Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow!. It was addressed "Dad"!. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:-
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home!. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you!.
I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me!. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes!. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together!.
Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it!? ), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree!?
Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter!. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way!. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too!.
Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want!. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself!. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren!.
Your loving daughter,
Rosie!.
At the bottom of the page were the letters " PTO"!.
Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:
PS:
Dad, none of the above is true!. I'm over at the neighbour's house!. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk centre drawer!. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home!.
I love you!
Your loving daughter,
Rosie
another one!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
Somebody asked an African aborigine:
- Are you a cannibal!?
- No, my brother was, but I ate him!.
**************************************!.!.!.
- Huh, look at this guy!.!.!.he is like a pretty girl in gay-club!.
**************************************!.!.!.
Between friends:
Boy: Honey, if I marry you, will your father buy me a new car!?
Girl: Yes!.
Boy: And, honey, if I marry you, will your father buy us a new house!?
Girl: Yes!.
Boy: Now, honey, if I marry you, will your father make me a boss of his firm!?
Girl: Yes!.
Boy: Ooh, honey, cutey-pie, dear, sweaty, will you marry me!?
Girl: No!.
**********
this one also
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out!. Both were very
faithful and loving wives!. However, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on
the Bacardi Breezers!. Incredibly drunk, and walking home, they needed to
pee, so they stopped in the cemetery!.
One of them had nothing to wipe with, so she thought she would take off
her panties and use them!.!. Her friend, however, was wearing a rather
expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them!. She was lucky
enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on
it, so she proceeded to wipe with that!. After the girls did their
business, they proceeded to go home!.
The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally
sweet and innocent wife was still in bed -- hung over, so he phoned the
other husband and said, 'These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting
to suspect the worst!.!. My wife came home with no panties!!
'That's nothing' said the other husband, 'Mine came back with a card
stuck to her butt that said!.!.!. 'From all of us at the Fire Station!. We'll
never forget you!.'
here is another one!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
A man was walking past a grave yard and he heard one of Beethoven's symphoney's playing backwards!.He thought to himself "That's wierd" and kept walking!.
The next day the same man walked past the same cemetary and heard another one of Beethoven's symphony's playing backward's!. He thought to himself "Now that's REALLY wierd!" and kept going!.
THe next day the same man was once again walking past the same cemetary and heard "Ode to Joy" playing backwards!.
The man said "I can't take this any more!" he walked up to the caretaker and asked, "What is going on around here!?!" the caretaker answered, "Oh, that's just Beethoven decomposing!."
one more!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
A man calls 911 and tells them, "my friend's been shot dead!" what should I do!
The woman on the phone says "Make sure he is dead before you assume that!." "If not do CPR"!.
The man gets off the phone to check his friend, the woman on the phone hears a gun shot!.
The man gets back on the phone and says "okay he's dead now what!?
oh one more
Legal / Logical
After failing his "Logistics and Organization" exam, a student confronted his professor!.
"Sir, do you understand anything about this subject!?"
"Of course, otherwise I would not be a professor!"
"Really!? Then allow me to ask you one question!. If you answer it correctly, I'll accept my failing grade and leave quietly, but if you don't know the answer, I want an 'A' on my exam!."
"Okay, it's a deal!. What's your question!?"
"What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal!?"
After long consideration, the professor conceded and changed the student's score to an "A!."
Afterwards, the professor asked one of his best students the same question!.
The good student answered immediately: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35-year-old woman which is legal but not logical; your wife has a 22-year-old lover which is logical but not legal - and the fact that you have given your wife's lover an 'A' when he should have failed is neither legal nor logical!"
another one still!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
There was this alian named me!.All he could was say is me!.He went to a place and they were saying forks and knives forks and knives!.Then when he went out side and this kid said``he stole my lolly pop!``!.Then a bus passed the kids on the bus said``were going on a felid trip were going on a felid trip!.``Then there was a murder and the police said``who killed this guy!?!?``!.the alian said``me``!.and the police man said``how did you kill him!?``the alian said forks and knives and forks and knives!.the police man said``im going to have to arrest you``!.on the way to the car the alian said``were going on a felid trip were going on a felid trip``
a copy of above!?!?!?!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
there was an alien on earth, he couldn't speak any human languages!.
he went to a pet store and all the kids were saying "me! me! me! me!"
so he said "me me me me"
he left the pet stop
thats what i Www@Enter-QA@Com
There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink!. He stays like that for half of an hour!.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down!. The poor man starts crying!. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking!. Here, I'll buy you another drink!. I just can't stand to see a man cry!."
"No, it's not that!. This day is the worst of my life!. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office!. My boss, outrageous, fires me!. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen!. The police said that they can do nothing!. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there!. The cab driver just drives away!."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener!. I leave home, and come to this bar!. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison!."
and another one!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat!. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him!. The nun surprised by the question politely declines and gets off the at the next stop!.
When the bus starts on it's way the driver says to the hippie, "I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you!." The hippie says that he'd love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery and prays to God!. "If you went dressed in a robe and glow in the dark paint mask she would think you are God and you could command her to have sex with you!."
The hippie decides this is a great idea, so that Tuesday he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun to show up!. At midnight sure enough the nun shows up and begins praying the hippie jumped out from hiding and says!. "I AM GOD! I have heard your prayers and I will answer them, BUT !.!.!. first you must have sex with me!." The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity because she is married to the church!. The hippie agrees to this and has his way with the nun!.
After the hippie finishes he stands up and rips off the mask and shouts,"Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the hippie!!"
Then the nun jumps up and shouts, "Ha! Ha! Ha! I'm the bus driver!!"
and!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy!.
Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow!. It was addressed "Dad"!. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:-
Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home!. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you!.
I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me!. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes!. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together!.
Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it!? ), and has no money, really these things shouldn't stand in the way of our relationship, don't you agree!?
Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter!. It's true he has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his own way!. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too!.
Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want!. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy can get better; he sure deserves it!!
Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself!. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren!.
Your loving daughter,
Rosie!.
At the bottom of the page were the letters " PTO"!.
Hands still trembling, her father turned the sheet, and read:
PS:
Dad, none of the above is true!. I'm over at the neighbour's house!. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk centre drawer!. Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home!.
I love you!
Your loving daughter,
Rosie
another one!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
Somebody asked an African aborigine:
- Are you a cannibal!?
- No, my brother was, but I ate him!.
**************************************!.!.!.
- Huh, look at this guy!.!.!.he is like a pretty girl in gay-club!.
**************************************!.!.!.
Between friends:
Boy: Honey, if I marry you, will your father buy me a new car!?
Girl: Yes!.
Boy: And, honey, if I marry you, will your father buy us a new house!?
Girl: Yes!.
Boy: Now, honey, if I marry you, will your father make me a boss of his firm!?
Girl: Yes!.
Boy: Ooh, honey, cutey-pie, dear, sweaty, will you marry me!?
Girl: No!.
**********
this one also
Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out!. Both were very
faithful and loving wives!. However, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on
the Bacardi Breezers!. Incredibly drunk, and walking home, they needed to
pee, so they stopped in the cemetery!.
One of them had nothing to wipe with, so she thought she would take off
her panties and use them!.!. Her friend, however, was wearing a rather
expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them!. She was lucky
enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on
it, so she proceeded to wipe with that!. After the girls did their
business, they proceeded to go home!.
The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally
sweet and innocent wife was still in bed -- hung over, so he phoned the
other husband and said, 'These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting
to suspect the worst!.!. My wife came home with no panties!!
'That's nothing' said the other husband, 'Mine came back with a card
stuck to her butt that said!.!.!. 'From all of us at the Fire Station!. We'll
never forget you!.'
here is another one!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
A man was walking past a grave yard and he heard one of Beethoven's symphoney's playing backwards!.He thought to himself "That's wierd" and kept walking!.
The next day the same man walked past the same cemetary and heard another one of Beethoven's symphony's playing backward's!. He thought to himself "Now that's REALLY wierd!" and kept going!.
THe next day the same man was once again walking past the same cemetary and heard "Ode to Joy" playing backwards!.
The man said "I can't take this any more!" he walked up to the caretaker and asked, "What is going on around here!?!" the caretaker answered, "Oh, that's just Beethoven decomposing!."
one more!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
A man calls 911 and tells them, "my friend's been shot dead!" what should I do!
The woman on the phone says "Make sure he is dead before you assume that!." "If not do CPR"!.
The man gets off the phone to check his friend, the woman on the phone hears a gun shot!.
The man gets back on the phone and says "okay he's dead now what!?
oh one more
Legal / Logical
After failing his "Logistics and Organization" exam, a student confronted his professor!.
"Sir, do you understand anything about this subject!?"
"Of course, otherwise I would not be a professor!"
"Really!? Then allow me to ask you one question!. If you answer it correctly, I'll accept my failing grade and leave quietly, but if you don't know the answer, I want an 'A' on my exam!."
"Okay, it's a deal!. What's your question!?"
"What is legal but not logical, logical but not legal, and neither logical nor legal!?"
After long consideration, the professor conceded and changed the student's score to an "A!."
Afterwards, the professor asked one of his best students the same question!.
The good student answered immediately: "Sir, you are 63 years old and married to a 35-year-old woman which is legal but not logical; your wife has a 22-year-old lover which is logical but not legal - and the fact that you have given your wife's lover an 'A' when he should have failed is neither legal nor logical!"
another one still!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
There was this alian named me!.All he could was say is me!.He went to a place and they were saying forks and knives forks and knives!.Then when he went out side and this kid said``he stole my lolly pop!``!.Then a bus passed the kids on the bus said``were going on a felid trip were going on a felid trip!.``Then there was a murder and the police said``who killed this guy!?!?``!.the alian said``me``!.and the police man said``how did you kill him!?``the alian said forks and knives and forks and knives!.the police man said``im going to have to arrest you``!.on the way to the car the alian said``were going on a felid trip were going on a felid trip``
a copy of above!?!?!?!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.
there was an alien on earth, he couldn't speak any human languages!.
he went to a pet store and all the kids were saying "me! me! me! me!"
so he said "me me me me"
he left the pet stop
thats what i Www@Enter-QA@Com