Funny Sayings Hilarious!!?!

In Order to get the handsome prince, you have to kiss a lot of toads!.

Never forget a friend, especially those that owe you--Chinese Proverb

If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong!?

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot!.

Everyone is gifted!. Some open the package sooner!.

Suburbs are areas where they cut down trees and then name the streets after them!.

The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong!.

You can't have everything, where would you put it!?

I'd like to help you out!. Which way did you come in!?

It may be your sole purpose in life to serve as a warning to others!.

Strangers have the best candy!.

Humpty-Dumpty was pushed!

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes!. That way, you'll be a mile from them, and you'll have their shoes!. -Jack Handy

There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't!.

My husband and I divorced over religious reasons!. He thought he was G-d and I didn't!

Earth is the insane Asylum for the universe!.

Out of my mind!. Back in five minutes!.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory!.

I almost had a psychic boyfriend, but he left me before we met!

Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back!

If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms!.

I can only please one person per day!. Today is not your day!. Tomorrow doesn't look too good either!.

When the blind leadeth the blind, get out of the way!.

Keep smiling - it makes everyone wonder what you're up to!.

Never drink water - if it can rust iron, imagine what it can do to your stomach!.

There's always a light at the end of the tunnel!.!.!.just hope it's NOT a train!

I'm not littering!.!.!. I'm donating to the earth!.

If it doesn't fit, force it; if it breaks, it needed replacement anyway!.

If you dont like the way I drive, get off the sidewalk!

Chaos, panic, pandemonium - my work here is done!.

DEAR IRS, Please cancel my subscription!.

G-d, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of the people I had to kill because they annoyed me!.

Proofread carefully to see if you any words out!.

A tree never hits an automobile except in self-defence!.

Buy one for the price of two and get the second one free!

Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train Americans to stand at the very edge of the pool and throw them fish!.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!.

If the left side of your brain controls the right side of your body, then only left handed people are in their right mind!.

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three!.

If you blow in a dog's face-he'll get mad at you, but take him for a ride in the car - the first thing he does is stick his head out of the window!

Man is a peculiar creature!. He spends a fortune making his home insect-proof and air-conditioned, and then eats in the yard!.

Only in America do we have drive up ATM's with braile on them!.

The only 15 letter word that can be spelled without repeating a letter is 'uncopyrightable'!

The only ones who aren't grateful on Thanksgiving are turkeys!.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door!.

Education is what you get from reading the small print!. Experience is what you get from not reading it!.

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is!. It's always room-temperature!.

money may not buy happiness, but it sure makes misery much easier to live with!.

Anyone who says 'Easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried it!.

ALWAYS LATE but worth the wait!.

I'd have a photographic memory but it was never developed!.

I'm actually quite pleasant until I'm awake!.

If you're too open-minded your brains will fall out!.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again!?

If con is the opposite of pro, what's the opposite of progress!?

The difference between ignorance and apathy!? I don't know, and I couldn't care less!.

He's not dead!.!.!. he's electroencephalographically challenged!.

I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers--Joseph Blosephina

I never made a mistake in my life; at least, never one that I couldn′t explain away afterwards!.

It′s funny- the ppl!. who want quiet are always the loudest getting everyone else to shut up!.

Imagine how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges!.

Whoever said money can′t buy happiness doesn′t know where to shop!.


The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips abroad!. It might be worth it except they keep coming back!.*


Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese!. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them!. It's either my mum or my dad!. Or my older brother Colin!. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu!. But I think it's Colin!.*


If it weren't for Edison, we'd be watching TV by candlelight!.*


Anyone who wants the presidency enough that he will spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office!.*


Duct tape is like the force!. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together!.*Www@Enter-QA@Com

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