Best answer to whoever can tell me the best joke?!
Question: Best answer to whoever can tell me the best joke!?
Bored at work and need to liven my day!. Who's got the funniest joke!?Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
i think you've read this but anyways i think it's the most hilarious joke!
A farm boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall!. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves!.
The lad asked, "What is this, father!?"
The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "I have no idea what it is!."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button!. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room!. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls!.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out!.
The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
A farm boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall!. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again by themselves!.
The lad asked, "What is this, father!?"
The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "I have no idea what it is!."
While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button!. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room!. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles lit up above the walls!.
The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old woman stepped out!.
The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your mother!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground!. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head!. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services!. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do!?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy!. I can help!. First, let's make sure he's dead!." There is a silence, then a shot is heard!. The guy's voice comes back on the line!. He says: "OK, now what!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After you rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!."
The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
A man buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool!. After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and calls a veterinarian for help!. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination!.
The guy doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant!. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant!.
The man hangs up and gives it some thought!. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means HE has to impregnate the sheep!. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed!.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep!. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again!.
He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed!. The next morning he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around!.
One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods!. He spends all day shagging the sheep and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed!.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep!. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are laying in the grass!.
"No," she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
The guy doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant!. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and will instead lay down and wallow in the grass when they are pregnant!.
The man hangs up and gives it some thought!. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means HE has to impregnate the sheep!. So, he loads the sheep into his truck, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back and goes to bed!.
Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep!. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he concludes that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the truck again!.
He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back and goes to bed!. The next morning he wakes to find the sheep still just standing around!.
One more try, he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up and drive them out to the woods!. He spends all day shagging the sheep and, upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed!.
The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look at the sheep!. He asks his wife to look out and tell him if the sheep are laying in the grass!.
"No," she says, "they're all in the truck and one of them is honking the horn!."Www@Enter-QA@Com
OK a little boy asks his dad if he can take a shower with him cause his dad is about to get in the shower!. His dad says as long as you dont look down and the boy says ok!. They get in the shower and the boy looks down and asks what is that daddy!? His dad says that it is his snake!. The boys mom is about to get in the shower so the boy asks if he can take a shower with her and she says as long as you don't look up or down!. They're in the shower and he looks up and asks what are those mommy and she says my headlights!. He looks up and asks what is that and she says that is my garden!. So the parents are getting ready to go to bed and the boy asks if he can sleep with them in their bed!. The parents say as long as you don;t look under the covers!. The boy says ok!. So there in bed and the boy looks under the covers and he yells mom mom quick turn on your headlights dad's snake is in your garden!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Bob was in trouble!. He forgot his wedding anniversary!. His wife was
really pissed!.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work!. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway!.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house!.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale!.
Bob has been missing since Friday!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
really pissed!.
She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"
The next morning he got up early and left for work!. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway!.
Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house!.
She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale!.
Bob has been missing since Friday!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
An Italian workman wants a job, but the foreman won't
hire him until he passes a little math test!.
'Here's your first question,' the foreman said!.
'Without using numbers, represent the number 9!.'
'Withouta numbers!?' the Italian says, 'Datsa easy!.' and
he proceeds to draw three trees!.
'What's this!?' the boss asks!.
'Ave you gota no brain!? Tree and tree and tree makes a
nine,' says the Italian!.
'Fair enough,' says the boss!. 'Here's your second
question!. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99!.'
The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks
up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree !. 'Ere you
go!.'
The boss scratches his head and says, 'How on earth do
you get that to represent 99!?'
'Eacha of da trees is a dirty now!. So, it's dirty tree,
and dirty tree, and dirty tree!. Datsa a 99!.'
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually
have to hire this Italian, so he says, 'All right, last question!.
Same rules again, but represent the number 100!.'
The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks
up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base
of each tree and says, 'Ere you go!. One hundred!.'
The boss looks at the attempt!. 'You must be nuts if you
think that represents a hundred!'
(You're going to love this one!!!)
The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at
the base of each tree and says, 'A l ittle doga come along and
Poopsa by eacha tree!. So now you gota dirty tree
and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, data
makea one hundred!. So, whenna I start!?
Here is another one!.!.!.
I know it's a pic but it's so funny!!!
http://www!.lol!.com/joke/show/1245Www@Enter-QA@Com
hire him until he passes a little math test!.
'Here's your first question,' the foreman said!.
'Without using numbers, represent the number 9!.'
'Withouta numbers!?' the Italian says, 'Datsa easy!.' and
he proceeds to draw three trees!.
'What's this!?' the boss asks!.
'Ave you gota no brain!? Tree and tree and tree makes a
nine,' says the Italian!.
'Fair enough,' says the boss!. 'Here's your second
question!. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99!.'
The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks
up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree !. 'Ere you
go!.'
The boss scratches his head and says, 'How on earth do
you get that to represent 99!?'
'Eacha of da trees is a dirty now!. So, it's dirty tree,
and dirty tree, and dirty tree!. Datsa a 99!.'
The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually
have to hire this Italian, so he says, 'All right, last question!.
Same rules again, but represent the number 100!.'
The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks
up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base
of each tree and says, 'Ere you go!. One hundred!.'
The boss looks at the attempt!. 'You must be nuts if you
think that represents a hundred!'
(You're going to love this one!!!)
The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at
the base of each tree and says, 'A l ittle doga come along and
Poopsa by eacha tree!. So now you gota dirty tree
and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, data
makea one hundred!. So, whenna I start!?
Here is another one!.!.!.
I know it's a pic but it's so funny!!!
http://www!.lol!.com/joke/show/1245Www@Enter-QA@Com
There Is This Norweigan Old Lady And She Walks Into A Grocery Store, Walks Around The Produce Section And The Goes Up To A Sales Clerk "Excuse Me Sir, Do You Have Any Lat-us!?"(Lettuce)
"No Ma'am, We Have No Lettuce To-Day!."
"Oh!.!. Alright!. Thank You!." Then She Leaves!.
The Next Day The Old Woman Comes Back, Walks Around The Produce Section And Goes Up To The Same Sales Clerk, "Excuse Me Sir, Doe You Have Any Lat-us To-Day!?"
"No Ma'am, I Told You, We Have No Lettuce!."
"Okay!.!. I'll Just Come Back!.!. To-Morrow!." Then She Leaves!. The Sales Clerck Is Just Kind Of Like ,Whatever, Crazy Old Lady!. So She Returns The Next Day, Walks Around The Produce Section, And Goes Up To The Same Sales Clerk "Excuse me Sir, Do You Have Any Lat-us!?"
"No Ma'am! I Told You We Have No Lettuce!"
"Oh, But You Must Have Some!"
"No We Don't! So Stop Asking!"
"Well!.!. When Will You Be Getting Some!?"
"-,- Let Me Make This Simple For You!. Take The 'To' Out Of 'Tomato'!."
"!.!.Mato!?"
"Yes, No Take The 'Ba' Out Of 'Banana'!."
"!.!.Nana!.!.!?"
"Correct!. Now Take The 'F***' Out Of 'Lettuce'!."
"!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.But There Is No 'F***' In 'Lat-us'!."
"That's What I've Been Trying To Tell You! THERE IS NO F***IN' LETTUCE!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
"No Ma'am, We Have No Lettuce To-Day!."
"Oh!.!. Alright!. Thank You!." Then She Leaves!.
The Next Day The Old Woman Comes Back, Walks Around The Produce Section And Goes Up To The Same Sales Clerk, "Excuse Me Sir, Doe You Have Any Lat-us To-Day!?"
"No Ma'am, I Told You, We Have No Lettuce!."
"Okay!.!. I'll Just Come Back!.!. To-Morrow!." Then She Leaves!. The Sales Clerck Is Just Kind Of Like ,Whatever, Crazy Old Lady!. So She Returns The Next Day, Walks Around The Produce Section, And Goes Up To The Same Sales Clerk "Excuse me Sir, Do You Have Any Lat-us!?"
"No Ma'am! I Told You We Have No Lettuce!"
"Oh, But You Must Have Some!"
"No We Don't! So Stop Asking!"
"Well!.!. When Will You Be Getting Some!?"
"-,- Let Me Make This Simple For You!. Take The 'To' Out Of 'Tomato'!."
"!.!.Mato!?"
"Yes, No Take The 'Ba' Out Of 'Banana'!."
"!.!.Nana!.!.!?"
"Correct!. Now Take The 'F***' Out Of 'Lettuce'!."
"!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.But There Is No 'F***' In 'Lat-us'!."
"That's What I've Been Trying To Tell You! THERE IS NO F***IN' LETTUCE!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
no jokes, but i hope u don't mind a video its only 5 seconds but its hilarious
http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=McGv9iLgw!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
http://www!.youtube!.com/watch!?v=McGv9iLgw!.!.!.Www@Enter-QA@Com