Can you tell me a Reeeaaaaly funny joke? 10 points to the one who makes me laugh!
Question: Can you tell me a Reeeaaaaly funny joke!? 10 points to the one who makes me laugh til I cry(smile)!!?
Answers:
ok here is a few for a few laughs and all the credit goes to doc!. bebop!. the best joke teller on here!. exept the last one is my own!.
Ralph and Charlie where playing the ninth hole at the local country club when Ralph hit his tee shot way to the right!. Ralph walked over to the deep rough, found his ball, and proceeded to beat the hell out of wild buttercups with his pitching wedge!. Mother Nature appeared and said, "Since you destroyed all of my favorite buttercups, if you ever taste butter, smell butter, or even think about butter you will become deathly ill and die!."
Ralph walked out of the rough toward Charlie with a big smile on his face!. Ralph then told him his story with a big grin on his face!. Charlie says, "That's not a good thing! Why are you smiling!?" Ralph replies, "I almost hit the pussy willows!."
Jon's working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers!. He goes to the emergency room!.
The doctor says, "Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I'll see what I can do!."
Jon says, "I haven't got the fingers!."
The doctor says, "What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers!? It's 2008!. We've got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques!. I could have put them back on and made you like new!. Why didn't you bring the fingers!?"
Jon says, "Well, shoot, Doc, I couldn't pick 'em up!."
There were three little boys visiting their grandparents!.
The oldest came out and asked his grandpa, "Can you make a sound like a frog, Grandpappy!?
Grandpa (being in a kind of ill mood) responds, "No, I don't really want to make the sound of a frog now!."
So, the second little boy comes out and asks his grandfather, "Will you please make a sound like a frog!?"
Grandpa again says, "No, not now!. I don't really want to do that!. I'm in a grumpy mood!. Maybe later!."
Then the third little boy comes out and says, "Grandpa, oh please!.!.!. Please, please will you make a sound like a frog!?"
"Why do all of you boys want me to make a sound like a frog!?" Grandpa asked!.
The little boy replied with a hopeful face, "Well, Mom said that when you croak we get to go to Disney World!"
3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation!.
They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you!?
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man!."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow!."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say!.!.!.!.!.!.LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!!!"
A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago!.
The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes!?" The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess!.
So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes!?" The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me!?" The boy admitted that this was the case!.
"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time!.
Your mother can explain that to you!."
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white!?"
"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life!." Her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple!.
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So, why is the groom wearing black!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Ralph and Charlie where playing the ninth hole at the local country club when Ralph hit his tee shot way to the right!. Ralph walked over to the deep rough, found his ball, and proceeded to beat the hell out of wild buttercups with his pitching wedge!. Mother Nature appeared and said, "Since you destroyed all of my favorite buttercups, if you ever taste butter, smell butter, or even think about butter you will become deathly ill and die!."
Ralph walked out of the rough toward Charlie with a big smile on his face!. Ralph then told him his story with a big grin on his face!. Charlie says, "That's not a good thing! Why are you smiling!?" Ralph replies, "I almost hit the pussy willows!."
Jon's working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers!. He goes to the emergency room!.
The doctor says, "Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I'll see what I can do!."
Jon says, "I haven't got the fingers!."
The doctor says, "What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers!? It's 2008!. We've got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques!. I could have put them back on and made you like new!. Why didn't you bring the fingers!?"
Jon says, "Well, shoot, Doc, I couldn't pick 'em up!."
There were three little boys visiting their grandparents!.
The oldest came out and asked his grandpa, "Can you make a sound like a frog, Grandpappy!?
Grandpa (being in a kind of ill mood) responds, "No, I don't really want to make the sound of a frog now!."
So, the second little boy comes out and asks his grandfather, "Will you please make a sound like a frog!?"
Grandpa again says, "No, not now!. I don't really want to do that!. I'm in a grumpy mood!. Maybe later!."
Then the third little boy comes out and says, "Grandpa, oh please!.!.!. Please, please will you make a sound like a frog!?"
"Why do all of you boys want me to make a sound like a frog!?" Grandpa asked!.
The little boy replied with a hopeful face, "Well, Mom said that when you croak we get to go to Disney World!"
3 buddies die in a car crash, they go to heaven to an orientation!.
They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are mourning upon you, what would you like to hear them say about you!?
The first guy says, "I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man!."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow!."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say!.!.!.!.!.!.LOOK, HE'S MOVING!!!!!"
A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago!.
The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes!?" The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess!.
So the boy asked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes!?" The stewardess responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me!?" The boy admitted that this was the case!.
"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time!.
Your mother can explain that to you!."
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white!?"
"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life!." Her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple!.
The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "So, why is the groom wearing black!?"Www@Enter-QA@Com
A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons!. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion!.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle!. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip!. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway!. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider!.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety!.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup!. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again!. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle!. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip!. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway!. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider!.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety!.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup!. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again!. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
okay!. so there is a man drivin down the a backroad at night and his wife in the passenger seat!. the man sees somethin run across then felt a bump under the car so he stopped the car!. the man and woman both stepped out of the car and saw a rabbit that is now roadkill behind their car!. the man looks at it and said lets bag it and throw it away!. the woman said wai, i know what to do!. she went into the car and took out her purse, the man said well what are you gonna do with that!? she said just wait!. she took out a bottle and sprayed it on the rabbit!. suddenly the rabbit hopped up, looked at the man, looked at the woman, then bounced away and stopped to wave at them every few seconds!. the man and woman both watched the rabbit bounce and wave untill they couldnt see it no more!. then the man looked at the womamn and said what was in that bottle!? she smiled at him and said it was harespray!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
there was this guy who copyed everthing he saw on tv so he was watching tv and britney spears was on so he said oops i did it again!. he switched the channel it was a pepsi comeriacal so he said for the joy of pepsi! he switched the channel again to a cooking show so he said now you eat it with your FORKS AND KNIVES!. switched it again and it was comercial a battery comerical PLUG IT IN PLUG IT IN! so he went to the mall and this lady was murdered so the cops were asking did you kill this lady!? the guy said "oops i did it again!" the cops asked why did you do it!? he said "for the joy of pepsi!!!" what did you kill her with the cops asked!. he said " with forks and knives forks and knives" the cops said your coming to the electric chair!. the guy said plug it in plug it in!!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
A soap salesman goes to a doorstep and rings the bell!. The wife of the house opens the door and he tells her "Maam, Im a soap salesman for xyz company and our laundry soap is the best!." She says "what makes u say that"!.!.!.He goes, "Well Im going to prove it to at the same time, im going to sing a song, which is out cathy tune"!.!."Fine" says the wife and goes and gets her stocking!.!.
The salesman then proceeds "Washy washy washy, rinse rinse rinse, hold it up the the light, nice and bright, hold it up to the nose, smells like a rose"!.!.!.the wife is impressed with the cleanliness!.!.so she proceeds to get her sons shirt!.
Again the salesman goes "Washy washy washy, rinse rinse rinse, hold it up the the light, nice and bright, hold it up to the nose, smells like a rose"!.!.!.the wife is again impressed!.!.!.so she gets her daughters skirt!.!.!.and the sam thing happens (u can say the same line in ur head!.!.lol)
Finally she goes and gets her husbands underwear and says "well all of the others were good, do this last one and I'll buy ur soap"!.!.!.!.Salesman goes "Washy washy washy, rinse rinse rinse, hold it up the the light, nice and bright, hold it up to the nose!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.WASHY WASHY WASHY!.!.!.!."
EnjoyWww@Enter-QA@Com
The salesman then proceeds "Washy washy washy, rinse rinse rinse, hold it up the the light, nice and bright, hold it up to the nose, smells like a rose"!.!.!.the wife is impressed with the cleanliness!.!.so she proceeds to get her sons shirt!.
Again the salesman goes "Washy washy washy, rinse rinse rinse, hold it up the the light, nice and bright, hold it up to the nose, smells like a rose"!.!.!.the wife is again impressed!.!.!.so she gets her daughters skirt!.!.!.and the sam thing happens (u can say the same line in ur head!.!.lol)
Finally she goes and gets her husbands underwear and says "well all of the others were good, do this last one and I'll buy ur soap"!.!.!.!.Salesman goes "Washy washy washy, rinse rinse rinse, hold it up the the light, nice and bright, hold it up to the nose!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.WASHY WASHY WASHY!.!.!.!."
EnjoyWww@Enter-QA@Com
Don't eat chicken sandwiches, no matter what!.!.!.!.!.
A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends!.
Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch!. They discovered that they both brought chicke n sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich!.
He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore!?"
She said "I love it but I have to stop eating it!."
"Why!?" he asked!.
She pointed to her lap and said "Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!"
"Let me see" he said!.
"Okay" and she pulled up her skirt!.
He looked and said, "That's right!. You are!
Better not eat any more chicken!."
He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one
day he brought peanut butter!. He said to the little girl, "I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!" She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her!
She said "Oh, my God, it's too late for you! You've already got the NECK and GIZZARDS!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends!.
Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch!. They discovered that they both brought chicke n sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich!.
He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore!?"
She said "I love it but I have to stop eating it!."
"Why!?" he asked!.
She pointed to her lap and said "Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!"
"Let me see" he said!.
"Okay" and she pulled up her skirt!.
He looked and said, "That's right!. You are!
Better not eat any more chicken!."
He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one
day he brought peanut butter!. He said to the little girl, "I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!" She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her!
She said "Oh, my God, it's too late for you! You've already got the NECK and GIZZARDS!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
three women got stranded on an island!. one was a redhead, a brunet and a blonde!. while they were roaming around the island, the blonde found a strange looking bottle!. it was as dusty as the floor under your bed!. she called the brunet and the redhead and they all came rushing to her!.
blonde: oooh!.!.!. what's this!?
brunet: its a friggin strange looking bottle, stupid!
redhead: let's rub it!.!.!.!.
then suddenly a gennie came out with a strange looking face!.
gennie: thank you for freeing me from that strange looking bottle!. now my face looks just like it! oh yeah!.!.!. (clears throat) for freeing me i will grant you three wishes!. (looks at the blonde) that's one wish each!.!.!. that's one for u, one for the brunet and one for the redhead!.
brunet: i wish i'm back with my family and live happily ever after!.
gennie: ur wish is my command!. (waves his weird looking wand)
redhead: i wish i'm rich and have a great and handsome boyfriend!.
gennie:ur wish is my command!. (waves his weird looking wand)
when the gennie looked at the blonde, she was crying!.
gennie: why are u crying!?!?!? should'nt u be happy for them!?
blonde: i miss them! i want them back!!!!
(NO OFFENCE TO ALL OF YOU!)Www@Enter-QA@Com
blonde: oooh!.!.!. what's this!?
brunet: its a friggin strange looking bottle, stupid!
redhead: let's rub it!.!.!.!.
then suddenly a gennie came out with a strange looking face!.
gennie: thank you for freeing me from that strange looking bottle!. now my face looks just like it! oh yeah!.!.!. (clears throat) for freeing me i will grant you three wishes!. (looks at the blonde) that's one wish each!.!.!. that's one for u, one for the brunet and one for the redhead!.
brunet: i wish i'm back with my family and live happily ever after!.
gennie: ur wish is my command!. (waves his weird looking wand)
redhead: i wish i'm rich and have a great and handsome boyfriend!.
gennie:ur wish is my command!. (waves his weird looking wand)
when the gennie looked at the blonde, she was crying!.
gennie: why are u crying!?!?!? should'nt u be happy for them!?
blonde: i miss them! i want them back!!!!
(NO OFFENCE TO ALL OF YOU!)Www@Enter-QA@Com
What did the pink panther say after he killed the ant!?!?
dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant!.!.!.!.!.!.dead antWww@Enter-QA@Com
dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant dead ant!.!.!.!.!.!.dead antWww@Enter-QA@Com
how do you walk a dog with no legs!?!?!?
you drag it!.!.!.
where do you find a dog with no legs!?!?!?
where you left it!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
you drag it!.!.!.
where do you find a dog with no legs!?!?!?
where you left it!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Light travels faster than sound ,people appear bright until they speak ! :)Www@Enter-QA@Com
dr's are prescribing a new medication for lesbians suffering from depression its called trymenagainWww@Enter-QA@Com
why didnt the pencil marry the mathbook!?
cuz he had too many problems!.!.!.lol my 3 yr old bro told me thatWww@Enter-QA@Com
cuz he had too many problems!.!.!.lol my 3 yr old bro told me thatWww@Enter-QA@Com