Tell me some jokes please?!
Question: Tell me some jokes please!?
im not having a good day!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
me neither!. david's dad got banned, he's VFTW pick!.!.!. !!? and his emails not real!.
EDIT:
oo oo found one! here it is- its a year in blonde!.!.!.
JANUARY - Happy new year to me!. Took scarf back to store - was too tight!.
FEBRUARY - Bummer of a month!. Got fired from job at pharmacy for failure to print labels on medicine bottles!. Well - DUH!!!! - the bottles wouldn't fit in the typewriter!.
MARCH - Exciting month!. Finished a jig saw puzzle in 6 months!. The box said "2 - 4 years"!.
APRIL - Scary month!. Was trapped on an escalator for hours!. The power went out!.
MAY - Frustrating month!. Tried to make Kool Aid from scratch!. 8 cups of water just will not fit into those little packets!.
JUNE - Adventurous month!. Tried to water ski - gave up - couldn't find a lake with a slope!.
JULY - Defeated month!. Lost breast stroke swimming competition - then found out the other swimmers cheated by using their arms!.
AUGUST - Wet month!. ! Got locked out of my car during a rain storm!. Inside of car was ruined because top was down!.
SEPTEMBER - Dumb month!. Lost a TV quiz show!. The capitol of California is "C", isn't it!?
OCTOBER - Hate M&M's!. !. !. they are so hard to peel!.
NOVEMBER - Bad food month!. Cooked turkey for 4 1/2 days!. Was very dry - don't know what went wrong - instructions said "1 hour per pound" and I weigh 108!.
DECEMBER - Accident month!. Cut finger bad - couldn't call 911 - DUH!!!! - there is no "11" on the phone!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
EDIT:
oo oo found one! here it is- its a year in blonde!.!.!.
JANUARY - Happy new year to me!. Took scarf back to store - was too tight!.
FEBRUARY - Bummer of a month!. Got fired from job at pharmacy for failure to print labels on medicine bottles!. Well - DUH!!!! - the bottles wouldn't fit in the typewriter!.
MARCH - Exciting month!. Finished a jig saw puzzle in 6 months!. The box said "2 - 4 years"!.
APRIL - Scary month!. Was trapped on an escalator for hours!. The power went out!.
MAY - Frustrating month!. Tried to make Kool Aid from scratch!. 8 cups of water just will not fit into those little packets!.
JUNE - Adventurous month!. Tried to water ski - gave up - couldn't find a lake with a slope!.
JULY - Defeated month!. Lost breast stroke swimming competition - then found out the other swimmers cheated by using their arms!.
AUGUST - Wet month!. ! Got locked out of my car during a rain storm!. Inside of car was ruined because top was down!.
SEPTEMBER - Dumb month!. Lost a TV quiz show!. The capitol of California is "C", isn't it!?
OCTOBER - Hate M&M's!. !. !. they are so hard to peel!.
NOVEMBER - Bad food month!. Cooked turkey for 4 1/2 days!. Was very dry - don't know what went wrong - instructions said "1 hour per pound" and I weigh 108!.
DECEMBER - Accident month!. Cut finger bad - couldn't call 911 - DUH!!!! - there is no "11" on the phone!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
A site foreman had ten very lazy men working for him, so one day he decided to trick them into doing some work for a change!."I've got a really easy job today for the laziest one among you," he announced!. "Will the laziest man please put his hand up!."Nine hands went up!."Why didn't you put your hand up!?" he asked the tenth man!."Too much trouble," came the reply!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
there were three aliens that came to earth and one went to the music store and he said me me me then the 2nd one went to a restaurant and he said forks and knives the 3rd one went to a candy store and said goody goody gum drops the aliens were walking down the street and the police officer said do u know who killed this man and the first one said me me me then the police officer said wat did u kill him with the 2nd one said forks and knives then the police officer said ur going to jail and the 3rd one said goody goody gum dropsWww@Enter-QA@Com
Well recently when David Archuleta was on MyFoxUtah, a fan asked him what was his number one line when he goes out with the chicks and this was his pick up line : Do you like water !? Then they say yes!. Then he says well you like 70% of my body!. I thought that was the cutest thing ever !Www@Enter-QA@Com
What do you call two black guys in a red sleeping bag!?
A Kit-kat!Www@Enter-QA@Com
A Kit-kat!Www@Enter-QA@Com
cheer up!
The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."
2 grandmas were sitting in their rocking chairs on the porch,reminicing about the good ole days!.
One grandma says to the other grandma!.!.dear do you remeber the minuet (dance btw)!.!.!.she says darn!.!.!.i cant even remember the min i screwed never mind the min i et!
a flasher was going up to old ladies in a nursing home flashing!.!.!.they all had big strokes!.!.!.!.!.well he went up to one last lady!.!.!.!.poor old lady!.!.!.!.!.she couldnt reach it!
Birth Control Pills
An elderly woman went into the doctor's office!. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills!." Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs!. Smith, but you're 75 years old!. What possible use could you have for birth control pills!?" The woman responded, "They help me sleep better!." The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep!?" The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night!."
An 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big a$$!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big a$$ didnt it!.!.!.!.!.
this guy tells the bartender"see that douche bag over there sitting by herself!.!.!.send her a drink and say its from me"!.!.The bartender says to him"hey!.!.!.if u wanna buy that lady a drink,show respect!.!.!.thats no way to talk to a lady"!. The guy says"I dont care what you say!.!.!.send the douche bag a drink!."So the bartender says"nevermind im not gonna agrue with you!." So the bartender goes up to the lady and says"See that guy sitting over there,he wants to buy you a drink!.What kind of drink would you like!?" So the lady says to the bartender"Sure ill have a vinegar and water,please and thanks!."
A man goes into an elevator, looks around and notices that he is alone except for this great, big, huge black guy standing next to him!. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7' tall, 350 lbs!., 20" penis, testicles - 3 lbs each, Turner Brown!."
The little man faints dead away and falls to the floor The big guy kneels down and brings him back by slapping his face and shaking him!. He asks, "Are you OK!?"
In a weak voice, the little man says, "Excuse me, but what did you just say to me!?
The big guy says, "When I saw the curious look on your face, I just figured I'd give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me!. I'm 7' tall, weigh 350 lbs, have a 20" penis, my testicles weigh 3 lbs each,and my name is Turner Brown!."
The little man said, "Oh thank God! I thought you said TURN AROUND!"
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After to rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!."
mothers have a day called mothers day, fathers have a day called fathers day so what day do Single men have!? Palm Day!
Did you hear about the old lady that hated flies until she opened one!?
blonde version of who wants to be a millionaire:
fastest finger question: put these Rocky movies in order starting with the earliest!.!.!.!.!.Rocky 1,Rocky 2,Rocky 3,Rocky 4
These 2 blonde girls drove to Disneyland!.They saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left" So they went left and went back home!.
They found 2 blonde girls frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre!. They went to see "Closed For The Winter"!.
why cant blondes make kool-aid
they cant figure out how they get 8 cups water in the koolaid packet
Did you hear about the blonde that was fired at the M&M company!?
They caught her throwing away all the W'S!.
Doctor (using a stethoscope): "Big breaths!."
Blond: Yeth!. And I'm not even thickteen yet
how did the blonde get square boobs
she forgot to take the kleenix out of the boxWww@Enter-QA@Com
The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."
2 grandmas were sitting in their rocking chairs on the porch,reminicing about the good ole days!.
One grandma says to the other grandma!.!.dear do you remeber the minuet (dance btw)!.!.!.she says darn!.!.!.i cant even remember the min i screwed never mind the min i et!
a flasher was going up to old ladies in a nursing home flashing!.!.!.they all had big strokes!.!.!.!.!.well he went up to one last lady!.!.!.!.poor old lady!.!.!.!.!.she couldnt reach it!
Birth Control Pills
An elderly woman went into the doctor's office!. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills!." Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs!. Smith, but you're 75 years old!. What possible use could you have for birth control pills!?" The woman responded, "They help me sleep better!." The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep!?" The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night!."
An 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big a$$!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big a$$ didnt it!.!.!.!.!.
this guy tells the bartender"see that douche bag over there sitting by herself!.!.!.send her a drink and say its from me"!.!.The bartender says to him"hey!.!.!.if u wanna buy that lady a drink,show respect!.!.!.thats no way to talk to a lady"!. The guy says"I dont care what you say!.!.!.send the douche bag a drink!."So the bartender says"nevermind im not gonna agrue with you!." So the bartender goes up to the lady and says"See that guy sitting over there,he wants to buy you a drink!.What kind of drink would you like!?" So the lady says to the bartender"Sure ill have a vinegar and water,please and thanks!."
A man goes into an elevator, looks around and notices that he is alone except for this great, big, huge black guy standing next to him!. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says, "7' tall, 350 lbs!., 20" penis, testicles - 3 lbs each, Turner Brown!."
The little man faints dead away and falls to the floor The big guy kneels down and brings him back by slapping his face and shaking him!. He asks, "Are you OK!?"
In a weak voice, the little man says, "Excuse me, but what did you just say to me!?
The big guy says, "When I saw the curious look on your face, I just figured I'd give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me!. I'm 7' tall, weigh 350 lbs, have a 20" penis, my testicles weigh 3 lbs each,and my name is Turner Brown!."
The little man said, "Oh thank God! I thought you said TURN AROUND!"
so theres this doctor that did circumcisions!.After many years he decides its time to retire!.All the circumsicions he did over the years,he saved the foreskins!.He took the big garbag full of foreskins to his friend who works at a leather company!.He says"Make me something nice out of these foreskins,cuz im retiring!." His friend says"Come back in 2 weeks and ill have something nice for you!."So he goes in 2 weeks to see what his friend made him!.When he shows up 2 weeks later,his friend presents him with 5 nice wallets!. He says to his friend"wallets!!? Is that all i get after all these years!!?" His friend says"Relax my friend!.You see its not just ordinary wallets!. After to rub them for a while,it becomes a 5 piece luggage set!."
mothers have a day called mothers day, fathers have a day called fathers day so what day do Single men have!? Palm Day!
Did you hear about the old lady that hated flies until she opened one!?
blonde version of who wants to be a millionaire:
fastest finger question: put these Rocky movies in order starting with the earliest!.!.!.!.!.Rocky 1,Rocky 2,Rocky 3,Rocky 4
These 2 blonde girls drove to Disneyland!.They saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left" So they went left and went back home!.
They found 2 blonde girls frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre!. They went to see "Closed For The Winter"!.
why cant blondes make kool-aid
they cant figure out how they get 8 cups water in the koolaid packet
Did you hear about the blonde that was fired at the M&M company!?
They caught her throwing away all the W'S!.
Doctor (using a stethoscope): "Big breaths!."
Blond: Yeth!. And I'm not even thickteen yet
how did the blonde get square boobs
she forgot to take the kleenix out of the boxWww@Enter-QA@Com