Any Good Jokes Out There??!
Question: Any Good Jokes Out There!?!?
My last question about jokes got a lot of answers, funny ones too!. So im asking again in hopes of getting more jokes!. Heres some that i absolutely LOVE: On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher!. The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers!. The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy!. Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box!. The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit!. She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it!. "Is it wine!?" she guessed!. "No," the boy replied!. She tasted another drop "is it scotch!?" "no, its a puppy!" so leave some good jokes and let me know how you liked this one! let me add 1 more hold on i have to put it in details thanks!!!!!!!!Www@Enter-QA@Com
Answers:
lol!.!.!.good ones
The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."
2 grandmas were sitting in their rocking chairs on the porch,reminicing about the good ole days!.
One grandma says to the other grandma!.!.dear do you remeber the minuet (dance btw)!.!.!.she says darn!.!.!.i cant even remember the min i screwed never mind the min i et!
a flasher was going up to old ladies in a nursing home flashing!.!.!.they all had big strokes!.!.!.!.!.well he went up to one last lady!.!.!.!.poor old lady!.!.!.!.!.she couldnt reach it!
Birth Control Pills
An elderly woman went into the doctor's office!. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills!." Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs!. Smith, but you're 75 years old!. What possible use could you have for birth control pills!?" The woman responded, "They help me sleep better!." The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep!?" The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night!."
An 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big a$$!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big a$$ didnt it!.!.!.!.!.
mothers have a day called mothers day, fathers have a day called fathers day so what day do Single men have!? Palm Day!
Did you hear about the old lady that hated flies until she opened one!?
What do you get when you cross a drunk rooster and an owl!?
A stiff c**k that stays up all night!.
What's the difference between toilet paper and curtains!?
If you don't know stay away from my house!
If you had an uncle named Jack and your Uncle Jack was on a horse and couldnt get off,would you help your Uncle Jack off the horse!?
Whats the difference between a young prostitue and an old prostitute!?
The young prostitute uses vaseline and the older prostitute uses polygrip!.
Did you hear about the constipated accountant!?
He couldnt budget!.
Did you hear about the constipated math teacher!?
He had to work it out with a pencil!.
Did you hear about the movie Constipation!?
Thats cuz it hasnt come out yet!
What worse than getting raped by Jack The ripper!?
Getting fingered by Captain Hook!.
Whats gray and comes in quarts!?
An elephant!.
How do you get an elephant off the ceiling!?
Jerk it off!.
How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant!?
He forgot to wrap his whopper!.
How did the Dairy Qween get pregnant!?
Big Mac slipped her a quarter pounder!.
Why don't they have any toilet paper in KFC!?
Because its finger licking good!
What do you do with a years worth of used condoms!?
Melt them, turn them into tire and call it a goodyear!.
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork
Kermit the frogs finger
Why are men like cars!?
Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming!.
What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common!?
They can smell it but they cant eat it!
Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested!?
He was charged with battery!.
Where does the one legged waitress work!?
The Ihop
Whats the difference between a rooster and a prostitute!?
A rooster says cock-a-doodle and a prostitute says any c**k will do
Why was santa arrested!?
He was caught laying dools under the christmas tree!.
Why didnt santa clause ever have kids/
Cuz he only comes once a year!.
Why don’t little girls fart!? Because they don’t have a**holes until they get married!.
What is the definition of a perfect lover!? A man with a 9 - inch tounge, who can breath through his ears!
What are three, 2 - letter words that mean small!? Is it in!.
Doctor (using a stethoscope): "Big breaths!."
Blond: Yeth!. And I'm not even thickteen yet
Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane!?
She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much
These 2 blonde girls drove to Disneyland!.They saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left" So they went left and went back home!.
They found 2 blonde girls frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre!. They went to see "Closed For The Winter"!.
why cant blondes make kool-aid
they cant figure out how they get 8 cups water in the koolaid packet
Did you hear about the blonde that was fired at the M&M company!?
They caught her throwing away all the W'S!.
Doctor (using a stethoscope): "Big breaths!."
Blond: Yeth!. And I'm not even thickteen yetWww@Enter-QA@Com
The head pharmacist goes out to lunch leaving the assistant pharmacist in charge!.When the head pharmacist returns from lunch he notices a man leaning against the wall!.He asked the assistant what was wrong with the man leaning against the wall over there!.The assistant pharmacist says,"Oh that guy!.Oh yeah he came in a little while ago with a really bad cough so I sold him a laxative!.He seems to be doing ok now!.!.!.!.!. I guess!." The head pharmacist says,"Are you crazy!?!? You can't sell a laxative to someone who has a bad cough like that!!?" The assistant pharmacist says "Well why not!?!? Look at him over there! Its working! He's too scared to cough now!!!.!.!.!.!."
2 grandmas were sitting in their rocking chairs on the porch,reminicing about the good ole days!.
One grandma says to the other grandma!.!.dear do you remeber the minuet (dance btw)!.!.!.she says darn!.!.!.i cant even remember the min i screwed never mind the min i et!
a flasher was going up to old ladies in a nursing home flashing!.!.!.they all had big strokes!.!.!.!.!.well he went up to one last lady!.!.!.!.poor old lady!.!.!.!.!.she couldnt reach it!
Birth Control Pills
An elderly woman went into the doctor's office!. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I'd like to have some birth control pills!." Taken back, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs!. Smith, but you're 75 years old!. What possible use could you have for birth control pills!?" The woman responded, "They help me sleep better!." The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep!?" The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughter's orange juice and I sleep better at night!."
An 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical!.
A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm!.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you!?"
He replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful!.'"
The doctor said, "I didn't say that!. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful!."
a guy goes into a bar and sits beside a big lady!.he says to her boy u have a big a$$!.!.!.she goes!.!.!.why you!.!.!.!.!.and starts smacking him around!.he goes in the mens room!.!.!.fixes him self up!.!.!.!.combs/fixes his hair!.!.!.!.!.straightens out his glasses!.!.!.puts his teeth back in etc!. He goes back and sits beside the same lady!.He says to her!.!.!.!.boy u got small boobs!.!.!.!.!.she says do i really!.!.!.hes says yeah and i know how u can make em biger!.She says how!. He says you go into the ladies room,take your bra and shirt off!.!.!.!.take a whole bunch of toilet paper and keep wiping and rubbing between your boobs!.!.!.she says omg!.!.!.do u think thatll really work for me/ He says why wouldnt it!.!.!.it worked on your big a$$ didnt it!.!.!.!.!.
mothers have a day called mothers day, fathers have a day called fathers day so what day do Single men have!? Palm Day!
Did you hear about the old lady that hated flies until she opened one!?
What do you get when you cross a drunk rooster and an owl!?
A stiff c**k that stays up all night!.
What's the difference between toilet paper and curtains!?
If you don't know stay away from my house!
If you had an uncle named Jack and your Uncle Jack was on a horse and couldnt get off,would you help your Uncle Jack off the horse!?
Whats the difference between a young prostitue and an old prostitute!?
The young prostitute uses vaseline and the older prostitute uses polygrip!.
Did you hear about the constipated accountant!?
He couldnt budget!.
Did you hear about the constipated math teacher!?
He had to work it out with a pencil!.
Did you hear about the movie Constipation!?
Thats cuz it hasnt come out yet!
What worse than getting raped by Jack The ripper!?
Getting fingered by Captain Hook!.
Whats gray and comes in quarts!?
An elephant!.
How do you get an elephant off the ceiling!?
Jerk it off!.
How did Burger King get Diary Queen Pregnant!?
He forgot to wrap his whopper!.
How did the Dairy Qween get pregnant!?
Big Mac slipped her a quarter pounder!.
Why don't they have any toilet paper in KFC!?
Because its finger licking good!
What do you do with a years worth of used condoms!?
Melt them, turn them into tire and call it a goodyear!.
What's slimy cold long and smells like pork
Kermit the frogs finger
Why are men like cars!?
Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming!.
What do a gynocologist and a pizza boy have in common!?
They can smell it but they cant eat it!
Why was the Energizer Bunny arrested!?
He was charged with battery!.
Where does the one legged waitress work!?
The Ihop
Whats the difference between a rooster and a prostitute!?
A rooster says cock-a-doodle and a prostitute says any c**k will do
Why was santa arrested!?
He was caught laying dools under the christmas tree!.
Why didnt santa clause ever have kids/
Cuz he only comes once a year!.
Why don’t little girls fart!? Because they don’t have a**holes until they get married!.
What is the definition of a perfect lover!? A man with a 9 - inch tounge, who can breath through his ears!
What are three, 2 - letter words that mean small!? Is it in!.
Doctor (using a stethoscope): "Big breaths!."
Blond: Yeth!. And I'm not even thickteen yet
Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane!?
She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much
These 2 blonde girls drove to Disneyland!.They saw a sign that said "Disneyland Left" So they went left and went back home!.
They found 2 blonde girls frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theatre!. They went to see "Closed For The Winter"!.
why cant blondes make kool-aid
they cant figure out how they get 8 cups water in the koolaid packet
Did you hear about the blonde that was fired at the M&M company!?
They caught her throwing away all the W'S!.
Doctor (using a stethoscope): "Big breaths!."
Blond: Yeth!. And I'm not even thickteen yetWww@Enter-QA@Com
Me: "Say knock knock!."
You: "Knock know!."
Me: "Who's there!?"
*hehehehehe*Www@Enter-QA@Com
You: "Knock know!."
Me: "Who's there!?"
*hehehehehe*Www@Enter-QA@Com