Do you have any hilarious jokes? I feel like laughing=]?!
Question: Do you have any hilarious jokes!? I feel like laughing=]!?
Answers:
A few of mine
A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them!.
"Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'come fly the friendly skies'!?"
Joe answered the correct airline!.
"Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave home without it!?"
Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty!.
"Now John, Tell me which company bears the slogan, 'Just do it'!?"
And John answered, "Mom!."
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
There was a young couple, very much in love, who the night before they were to be married, were both tragically killed in an automobile accident!.
They found themselves at the pearly gates of heaven being escorted in by St!. Peter!. After a couple of weeks in heaven, the prospective groom took St!. Peter aside and said, "St!. Peter, my fianc!?and I are very happy to be in heaven but we miss very much the opportunity to have celebrated our wedding vows!. Is it possible for people in heaven to get married!?" St!. Peter looked at him and said, "I'm sorry, I've never heard of anyone in heaven wanting to get married!. I'm afraid you'll have to talk to the Lord God Almighty about that!. I can get you an appointment for two weeks from Wednesday!."
Came the appointed day, the couple were escorted by the guardian angels into the presence of the Lord God Almighty, where they repeated the request!. The Lord looked at them solemnly and said, "I tell you what, wait five years and if you still want to get married, come back and we will talk about it again!."
Well, five years went by, and the couple still very much wanting to get married, came back!. Again the Lord God Almighty said, "Please you must wait another five years and then I will consider your request!."
Finally, they come before the Lord God Almighty the third time, ten years after their first request, and ask the Lord again!. This time the Lord answered, "Yes, you may marry!. This Saturday at 2:00 p!.m!., we will have a beautiful ceremony in the main chapel!. The reception will be on me!"
The wedding went beautifully, all the guests thought the bride was beautiful!. Moses brought some flowers from the Nile River Delta and Gandhi came wearing his finest hand-woven sari!. But, you guessed it, the couple was married but a few weeks when they realized they had made a horrible mistake, they just couldn't stay married to one another!.
So they made another appointment to see the Lord God Almighty, this time to ask if they could get a divorce in heaven!. When the Lord heard their request, he looked at them and said, "Look, it took us ten years to find a priest up here in heaven!. Do you have any idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer!?"
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
Two blondes and a brunette were walking down the beach when a seagull dumps a load on one of the blondes!.
The brunette says "I'll go and get some toilet paper!."
When she left, one blonde turns to the other and says, "Boy, is she ever stupid!. By the time she gets back, that seagull will be miles away!."
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice!. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it!."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher!. She then called on little Michael!. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said!.
"Excellent, Michael!"
Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny!. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, !.!.!.just #$&#*&^# beautiful!
If you like it 10 points pleaseWww@Enter-QA@Com
A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them!.
"Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'come fly the friendly skies'!?"
Joe answered the correct airline!.
"Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave home without it!?"
Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty!.
"Now John, Tell me which company bears the slogan, 'Just do it'!?"
And John answered, "Mom!."
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
There was a young couple, very much in love, who the night before they were to be married, were both tragically killed in an automobile accident!.
They found themselves at the pearly gates of heaven being escorted in by St!. Peter!. After a couple of weeks in heaven, the prospective groom took St!. Peter aside and said, "St!. Peter, my fianc!?and I are very happy to be in heaven but we miss very much the opportunity to have celebrated our wedding vows!. Is it possible for people in heaven to get married!?" St!. Peter looked at him and said, "I'm sorry, I've never heard of anyone in heaven wanting to get married!. I'm afraid you'll have to talk to the Lord God Almighty about that!. I can get you an appointment for two weeks from Wednesday!."
Came the appointed day, the couple were escorted by the guardian angels into the presence of the Lord God Almighty, where they repeated the request!. The Lord looked at them solemnly and said, "I tell you what, wait five years and if you still want to get married, come back and we will talk about it again!."
Well, five years went by, and the couple still very much wanting to get married, came back!. Again the Lord God Almighty said, "Please you must wait another five years and then I will consider your request!."
Finally, they come before the Lord God Almighty the third time, ten years after their first request, and ask the Lord again!. This time the Lord answered, "Yes, you may marry!. This Saturday at 2:00 p!.m!., we will have a beautiful ceremony in the main chapel!. The reception will be on me!"
The wedding went beautifully, all the guests thought the bride was beautiful!. Moses brought some flowers from the Nile River Delta and Gandhi came wearing his finest hand-woven sari!. But, you guessed it, the couple was married but a few weeks when they realized they had made a horrible mistake, they just couldn't stay married to one another!.
So they made another appointment to see the Lord God Almighty, this time to ask if they could get a divorce in heaven!. When the Lord heard their request, he looked at them and said, "Look, it took us ten years to find a priest up here in heaven!. Do you have any idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer!?"
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
Two blondes and a brunette were walking down the beach when a seagull dumps a load on one of the blondes!.
The brunette says "I'll go and get some toilet paper!."
When she left, one blonde turns to the other and says, "Boy, is she ever stupid!. By the time she gets back, that seagull will be miles away!."
--------------------------------------!.!.!.
One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice!. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it!."
"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher!. She then called on little Michael!. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said!.
"Excellent, Michael!"
Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny!. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, !.!.!.just #$&#*&^# beautiful!
If you like it 10 points pleaseWww@Enter-QA@Com
there are three guys lost in a forest when they are captured by canabals and are taken to the caibal king!.
the canibal king says 'you must pass a trial if u want to live!. the trial is to gather ten pieces of one type of fruit'
so they all go into the forest and the first guy comes back with 10 apples
the canibal king says 'you must shove the fruit up ur *** without any expression or u will be killed'
the first apple goes in but on the second,!. he winces out in pain and is killed!.
the second guy comes back with 10 berries!. 8 of the berries go in but on the 9th one, he bursts out laughing and is killed!.
the first guy meets the second guy in heaven and the first guy says 'y did u laugh u were so close'
the second guy says 'i couldn't help it i saw the third guy coming with pineapples'Www@Enter-QA@Com
the canibal king says 'you must pass a trial if u want to live!. the trial is to gather ten pieces of one type of fruit'
so they all go into the forest and the first guy comes back with 10 apples
the canibal king says 'you must shove the fruit up ur *** without any expression or u will be killed'
the first apple goes in but on the second,!. he winces out in pain and is killed!.
the second guy comes back with 10 berries!. 8 of the berries go in but on the 9th one, he bursts out laughing and is killed!.
the first guy meets the second guy in heaven and the first guy says 'y did u laugh u were so close'
the second guy says 'i couldn't help it i saw the third guy coming with pineapples'Www@Enter-QA@Com
yep, one time I was at a funeral and I whispered to my friend which one of these old people is next!? And based on superficial means, we made our decision, but my friend believed it was the old crabby woman, because her bad attitude was severely affecting her health - good call!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.!.we're still waiting, just kidding!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
a man walked into a store and asked the clerk for a dead battery, the man asked how much and the clerk said no charge!. lmao, gets me every time!Www@Enter-QA@Com
A guy walks into the Dr!. office with a duck on his head!. The Dr!. said "can I help you!?" and the duck says "yeah, get this man off my as s!"Www@Enter-QA@Com
Adam
Came
First
But
Men
Always
Do!.Www@Enter-QA@Com
Came
First
But
Men
Always
Do!.Www@Enter-QA@Com