Do you know any you might be a redneck jokes?!


Question: no not off the top of my head i dont cant wait to see the responses


Answers: no not off the top of my head i dont cant wait to see the responses

When you drive 2 hours to see a hog
you might be a redneck

You think "loading the dishwasher" means getting your wife drunk.
You ever cut your grass and found a car.
You own a home that is mobile and 5 cars that aren't.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Drive-in Theater.
Your boat has not left the drive-way in 15 years.
You own a homemade fur coat.
Chiggers are included on your list of top 5 hygiene concerns.
You burn your yard rather than mow it.
Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."
You read the Auto Trader with a highlight pen.
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.
Birds are attracted to your beard.
Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
You were shooting pool when any of your kids were born.
You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
You've ever hit a deer with your car...deliberately.
Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".
You think a chain saw is a musical instrument.
You've ever given rat traps as gifts.
You clean your fingernails with a stick.
Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.
You keep a can of RAID on the kitchen table.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
Your mother has "ammo" on her Christmas list.
Every socket in your house breaks a fire code.
You've totaled every car you've ever owned.
There are more than five McDonald's bags in your car.
The Home Shopping operator recognizes your voice.
There has ever been crime-scene tape on your bathroom door.
You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys.
The taillight covers of your car are made of red tape.
You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.
You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.
You think "taking out the trash" means taking your in-laws to a movie.
You have every episode of Hee-Haw on tape.
You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.
Your considered an expert on wormbeds.
Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."
The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when visiting your house.
You've ever bought a used cap.
Your CB antenna is a danger to low-flying planes.
You pick your teeth from a catalog.
You've ever financed a tattoo.
You've ever stolen toilet paper.
You think a hot tub is a stolen bathroom fixture.
People hear your car a long time before they see it.
The gas pedal on your car is shaped like a bare foot.
You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
You take a fishing pole into Sea World.
You think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup.
You've ever stood in line to have your picture taken with a freak of nature.
You think the French Riviera is foreign car.
You go to a stock car race and don't need a program.
You've ever filled your deer tag on the golf course.
you have ever used lard in bed.
you own more than 3 shirts with cut off sleeves.
you have ever spray-painted your girlfriends name on an overpass.
your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
someone asks to see your ID and you show them your belt buckle.
The primary color of your car is bondo.
directions to your house include "Turn off the paved road."
your dog and your wallet are both on a chain.
you owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
you ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle.
Jack Daniels makes you list of most admired people.
your wife's hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
you see no need to stop at a rest stop 'cause you have an empty milk jug.
you consider the fifth grade you senior year.
you have a rag for a gas cap.
the dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
you have a hefty bag where the window of your car should be.
you have ever bar-b-qued Spam on the grill.
your brother-in-law is also your uncle.
Redman Chewing Tobacco sends you a Christmas card.
you bought a VCR because wrestling comes on while you're at work.
your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade.
you view the next family reunion as a chance to meet girls.
your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive.
your front porch collapses and kills more than five dogs.
the main course at potluck dinners is roadkill.
you mow the front yard and find a car.
your other truck is made by John Deere.
you think suspenders are a type of shirt.
going to the bathroom at night involves shoes and a flashlight.
you keep a spit cup on the ironing board.
you ever got too drunk to fish.
More than one living relative is named after a southern civil war general.
Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.
You've ever used lard in bed.
Your home has more miles on it than your car.
You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.
There is a stuffed posum anywhere in your house.
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
Fewer than half of your cars run.
Your mother doesn't remove the Marlboro from her lips before telling the State Trooper to kiss her ***.
The primary color of your car is "bondo".
You honestly think that women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
You stand under the misteletoe at christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Bobby-Sue Ellen to walk by.
Your family tree doesn't have any branches.
Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
Your mother has been involved in a fistfight at a high school sports event.
You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.
The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.
The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.
Your brother-in-law is your uncle.
You have refused to watch the Academy Awards since "Smokey and the Bandit" was
snubbed for best picture.
Your only condiment on the dining room table is the economy size bottle of ketchup.
The rear tires on your car are at least twice as wide as the front ones.
You consider "Outdoor Life" deep reading.
You prominently display a gift you bought at Graceland.
You use the term `over yonder' more than once a month.
The diploma hanging in your den contains the words "Trucking Institute".
Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.
You've ever worn a tube top to a wedding.
Your favorite christmas present, was a painting on black velvet.
You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.
The most commonly heard phrase at your family reunion is "What the hell are you looking at, Shithead?"
You think that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food groups.
You think that Campho-Phenique is a miracle drug.
The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!" "HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin?"
You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
You think that the styrofoam cooler is the greatest invention of all time.
You've ever been too drunk to fish.
You had to remove a toothpick for wedding pictures.
You've ever used a weedeater indoors.
You have a rag for a gas cap (on a car that does run).
You consider a family reunion a good place to pick up girls.
You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
Your richest relative invites you over to his new home to help him remove the wheels and skirt.
You've ever financed a tattoo.
Your idea of a 7 course meal is a bucket of KFC and a sixpack.
You go to a tupperware party for a haircut.
You have spray painted your girlfriend's name on an overpass.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
Your dog and your wallet are both on chains.
Your kids are going hungry tonight because you just had to have those Yosemite Sam mudflaps.
You owe the taxidermist more than your annual income.
You have lost at least one tooth opening a beer bottle.
Jack Daniels makes your list of "most admired people".
You won't stop at a rest area if you have an empty beer can in the car.
Your dog can't watch you eat without gagging.
You have a Hefty bag on the passenger side window of your car.
You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occassions.
You have to scratch your sisters name out of the message: "for a good time call . .", because you feel guilty about putting it there...
Redman sends you a Christmas card.
You are still holding on to Confederate money because you think the South will rise again.
You consider pork and beans to be a gourmet food. You have to go down to the creek to take a bath.
You participate in the "who can spit tobacco the farthest contest".
You roll you hair with soup cans and wash it once a year.
You consider a three piece suit to be: a pair of overalls, a plaid flannel shirt and thermal underwear.
There is a sheet hanging in your closet and a gun rack hanging in your truck.
You think the Mountain Men in deliverance were just "Misunderstood".
You've ever made change in the offering plate.
If the fifth grade is referred to as "your senior year,"
You consider a good tan to be the back of of your neck and the left arm below the shirt sleeve...
You own at least 20 baseball hats.
You know of at least six different ways to bend the bill of a baseball hat.
You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
When you run out of gas, you put gin in the gas tank!
Your biggest ambition in live is to "git thet big'ole coon. The one what hangs 'round over yonder, back'ah bubba's barn...

You might be a redneck if:
people keep coming into your yard mistakenly thinking it's a yard sale.

the porch on your house collapses and more than five dogs get killed.

you're wife has ever said to you "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."

If you ever mowed your yard and found a car.

if your wife's hair has ever been destroyed by a ceiling fan.

you go to family reunions to meet girls.

(and my personal fav)

You might be a redneck if your daddy walks you to school cuz your both in the same grade......

if the back of your legs look like a map of new jersey, do not wear those shorty shorts.
if your saddle costs more than your horse, you may be a redneck.



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