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Question: A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a
human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very
small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human;
it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'


Answers: A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a
human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very
small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human;
it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, 'When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah'.
The teacher asked, 'What if Jonah went to hell?'
The little girl replied, 'Then you ask him'

Q. How many A.D.D. kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?



A. Let's go ride our bikes!!

Marriage (Part I )

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady, and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:

'I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want -- and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing when I want with my old buddies, and don't you give me a hard time about it.Those are my rules. Any comments?'

His new bride said: 'No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not.'

(DARN SHE'S GOOD!)
****************************************...
Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!'

Yeah?' she replies. 'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!'

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)
**************************************...
Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, 'And you are no
Good in bed either,' and storms out of the house.

After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She come s to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, 'What took you so long to answer to the phone?'

She says, 'I was in bed.'

'In bed this early, doing what?'

'Getting a second opinion!'

(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
****************************************...
Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement.

He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife,' Mother of Six' in spite of her objections. One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, 'Shall we go home Mother of Six?'

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion, shouts right back, 'Any time you're ready, Father of Four.'

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.

If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So the next Sunday the priest took the monsignors advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.
He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office he found the following note on the door.

1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.

2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.

4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.

5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not get his a*s.

6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ and his apostles as J.C. and the boys.

7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.

8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the crap out of him.

9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say...he was stoned off his a*s

10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T".

11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body." He did not say, "Eat me."

12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."

13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the gurb, Yeah! God.

14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.



I hope it didn't offend anyone



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