Jokes, please?!
Question: tell me onee
make me laugh :]
best answer goes to the funniest one
Answers: tell me onee
make me laugh :]
best answer goes to the funniest one
A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to
heaven?" Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend."
Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus. Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello son, is your
Grandma home?" The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin ' her boyfriend."
The minister fainted.
IT MADE MY MOM CRY FROM SO MUCH LAUGHIN'
A baby seal walked into a club...
poop
i want ot get hot and sweaty with you. i want to hear you panting. i want you to say stop going so long and hard. so call me when you wanna go jogging
heres another
a teacher who doesnt believe in god asks tom to stand and look at her desk
she asks if he sees the pen
he replies yes
she asks do you see the chair
he says yes
she asked him to look out the window and see if he sees the tree
he says yes
then she asked if he saw god
he sayed no
the teacher tells her class that it proves god is not real
susie stands and asks tommy the same questions except for the last
he says yes to all
she asked do you see the teachers brain
he says no
she states that the teacher has taught them she has no brain
Here is a good one...
A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed , lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.
For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"
The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "
The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
Here is another =)...
A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed the wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile....Somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends. After reading the 1st message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room found his mother on the floor and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've reached
Date: November 30, 2005
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here; we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones. I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!
I hope that I made you laugh, have a good day!
Sick husband
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and said, "If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die".
1.Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send him off to work in a good mood.
2.At lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back to work.
3.For dinner, fix an especially nice meal, and don't burden him with household chores.
4.Have sex with him several times a week and satisfy his every whim.
On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor had told her.
"You're going to die," she replied.