What is the funniest joke you've heard in the last year?!
Question: An American and a Muslim are watching Star Trek when the Muslim turns to the American and says;
"How come there is a Chinese guy, a Russian, a scotsman and loads of others but there are no Muslims on the Enterprise?"
The American replies;
"Because its set in the future!"
Answers: An American and a Muslim are watching Star Trek when the Muslim turns to the American and says;
"How come there is a Chinese guy, a Russian, a scotsman and loads of others but there are no Muslims on the Enterprise?"
The American replies;
"Because its set in the future!"
there was a black man, a white man and a mexican man walking in a park. they seen a genie lamp and the black man picked it up and rubbed it.a genie popped out and said you get one wish. what will it be? the black man said i want all my fellow african americans to be able to go back to africa and be happy. POOF, the black man and all the other black people were in africa.then the mexican walked up to it and the genie said you get one wish. what will it be? the mexican man said i want all my fellow mexicans to be able to go back to mexico and be happy. POOF, the mexican man and all the other mexicans were back in mexico. then the white man went up to the genie and the genie said you get one wish. what will it be? the white man said so let me get this straight...all the black people are back in africa, and all the mexicans are back in mexico? the genie said yes. the white man said, well heck, ill just take a coke, then!
i know the best!!!::
Q: What's the main difference between intelligence and ignorance?
A: I don't know and I don't care!
Q: What's white and hangs down from a cloud?
A: The coming of the lord.
Q: What's the different between a girl taking a bath, and a nun?
A: A nun has hope in her soul, and the girl has soap in her hole.
Did you know that takes 5 babies to make 1 bottle of baby-oil?
Q: What's the best way to make a nun pregnant?
A: **** her!
Q: What were Christy McAuliffe's last words before the Challanger disaster?
A: What does this button do?
Q: How did they know that Vic Morrow had dandruff?
A: They found his head and shoulders in the bushes
Q: How many men does it take to wallpaper a room?
A: One, but you must slice him really thin.
Q: Why doesn't jesus like to eat M&Ms?
A: They keep falling through the holes in his hands.
Q: What's the difference between a laywer and a trampoline?
A: You take your shoes off to jump on a trampoline.
Q: What's the difference between a laywer and a vulture?
A: Laywer aren't an endangerd species.
Q: What does vegetarian dingos eat?
A: Cabbage patch kids.
Q: What's red and wet and spread for miles?
A1: Baby dropped through helicoper blades.
A2: Baby tossed in a jet intake at 30'000 feet. (Really spread around)
Q: What's the thing Jesus heard?
A: Cross your legs, we've got only three nails.
Q: What do you call big, ugly, hairy nun driving motorcycles?
A: Hell's Angels of Mercy.
Q: What do you call an anorexic with yeast infection?
A: A quarter pounder with cheese.
Q: What's one of the pros of marrying a mexican?
A: Unlimited supply of natural gas.
Q: How many paranoic people does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Who want's to know?
Q: Why don't epileptics order Cokes at McDonalds?
A: They have the shakes instead.
Q: What's the difference between a jar of afterbirth and a jar of sand?
A: You can't gargle sand.
Q: How do you get 5 babies in a shoebox?
A: With cuisinart.
Q: Why should you put a baby in a blender feet first?
A: To see the expression on its face.
Q: Why do dogs lick their balls?
A: Because they can.
Q: Why are womens ***'s and ***** so close together?
A: So you can pich them up like a sixpack
Q: have you seen Stevie Wonders new car?
A: No, but neither has he.
Mommy, mommy, daddy just poisened my cat!
Maybe he had to dear. I know, but he said I could do it!
A priest getting ready to hear confessions duddenly realized that he desparately had to go to the bathroom. He looked outside the confessional and saw the janitor walking by. He pulled him aside and said: "Look, I really gotta go to the bathroom, but people are lining up for confession. Could you take over for a few minutes?" The janitor began to protest, but the priest said: "Look, its easy. I have the sins and give them penance. No one will know it's you in there" The janitor agreed and took his place in the confessional.
The first parishioner entered the confessional and began "Bless me father, for I have sinned. I have commited adultery." The janitor looked on the chart and found "Adultery - 20 Hail Mary". He mumbled some forgiveness sounding words and told the parishioner to say 20 Hail Marys. The parishioner thanked him and left. The janitor breathed a sign of relief.
The second parishioner entered the confessional and began "Bless me father, for I have sinned. I have used the Lord's name in vain." The janitor looked down the list "Lord's name in vail - 5 Hail Marys", and assigned them. The janitor thought "Hey, I can do this. I just might get away with it!"
The third parishioner entered and began, "Bless me father, for I have sinned. I have engaged in anal sex." The janitor consulted his chart, but could find neither "Anal Sex" nor "Sex, Anal". He began to get worried. He looked out of the confessional and spied an altar walking by. He motioned the boy over. In a hushed voice, he said "Tell me something kid, what does the priest give for anal sex?". The altar boy looked him quizzically and said, "Well, two twinkies and a glass of milk."
Three friends - Aboriginal, Jew and Australian, spend each night together drinking beer in an outback pub. One night as they're leaving, a road-train comes through the town and kills all three. The next day, the publican is surprised to see the Australian - who assumed dead - walked through the door. The Australian tells him, "Well, we were all killed, but when we got to the pearly gates, St. Peter said we could come back to earth if we pay him $20."
"Well, obviously, you paid up, but what happened to your friends?"
"The jew's trying to haggle him down to $10, and the aboriginal is trying to convince him that the government will pay for it."
This little 6 year old girl comes running home all distressed and howling her head off. Her mother, finally gets it out of her between the bawling, that her daughter has been raped. The mother settles the little girl down, enough to get her to the police station, to report this horrible act.
At the police station, the sergent interviewing the little girl, asks as nicely as he can: "Could you please tell me what the nasty man did, so we can get him?"
The little girl sobs "Yeah, I'll try sniff, sniff"
Policeman: "Righto then what's happened?"
Girl: "sob Well I was walking down the street to get mummy some milk. sniff sob When the big nasty man jumped out and grabbed me bawl"
Policeman: "Yes please go on ..."
Girl: "Then sob sob he lifted up my dress howl"
Policeman: "then? ..."
Girl: "He pulled down my pants ... absolutely bawling now ..... no I can't go on ...."
The sergent then stands up from behind the desk wanking himself for dear life and says "WELL ******* MAKE SOMETHING UP!"
99.999% of everything ever posted by
DR. BEBOP THE WITTY HAMPSTER
He posts jokes all the time and has a 360 with even more great stuff.
hope you enjoy his stuff as mush as I.
ps you may just have to "search" for the above.
some of mine
A young mother was once again pregnant and trying to explain to her little girl just how she had gotten that way. She explained how a baby was growing in her tummy, and how it took and egg and a sperm. Daddy made the sperm, and Mommy made the egg.
Then the little girl asked her mother, "So, if it takes a sperm and an egg to make a baby, and the egg is already in your tummy, then how does the sperm get in there? Does Mommy swallow it?"
The little girl's mother replied, "She does, if she wants a new cocktail dress."
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A man from Saudi Arabia, named Abdul, was bragging on an airline flight. Abdul said that in his country there are 79 different ways to make mad passionate love.
A gentleman form Florida was listening incredulously. "Why that is amazing," he remarked. "Where I come from there is only one way."
"Just one?" Abdul asked. "And exactly which way is that?"
"Well," the American gent began, "there's a man and there's a woman . . ."
Abdul interrupted and exclaimed, "Praise Allah! Number 80!"
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Seems that Colonel Sanders of Kentucky Fried Chicken fame was exploring new ways to advertise. He spent several days thinking on the problem and come up with an idea. Leaning over to his phone, he called the Vatican City and asked to speak to the Pope, indicating that he would like to make a sizable donation.
"Hello, my son?"
"Hello, your Grace, I am calling because I would like to make a sizable donation to the Roman Catholic Church."
"How nice! Why don't you send it in the mail?
"Would you like me to send one hundred million dollars in the mail?"
"One hundred million dollars! Bless you, my son. Why no, of course. My representative can visit you at your convenience!"
"But there is one little string attached..."
"Oh?"
"You know that part in the Lord's Prayer where you say 'Give us this day our daily bread'? I'd like that changed to 'Give us this day our daily chicken'."
"Oh, I see..."
The Pope covers the microphone and yells to the Cardinal attending him, "How long do we still have on that Wonder Bread Contract?"
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Biff: "Do you know anything more difficult than getting a pregnant woman in a Volkswagen ?"
Joey: "Nope."
Biff: "Getting a woman pregnant in a Volkswagen."
Hope u like it. 10 points please
there were 3 man in a ship this the 3 mans religions the first one was a american the second one is the korean and the third one and the american throw his cellphone and said:i dont need cellphone because we have many cellphone at our country the korean was not yet beaten he throw his laptop said:i dont need laptop because we have many laptop at our country the filipino was not yet beaten he throw the korean and said:i dont need korean because we have many korean at our country
Women's rights.