Can someone tell me...?!
Question: ... a funny joke?
Haha. Best answer will definitely be picked.
The answer will be picked in 2-3 days, depending on if I laugh. I'm usually a serious person, so it should be stupid or crazy. Haha.
Answers: ... a funny joke?
Haha. Best answer will definitely be picked.
The answer will be picked in 2-3 days, depending on if I laugh. I'm usually a serious person, so it should be stupid or crazy. Haha.
oktheres a lil girl who wants a bike
her mom tells her to write a letter to god telling him y she deserves it.
so she goes up to her room and writes
dear god
i ll b good all of next year if u get me a bike
she knew it wasnt true so she wrote again
Dear god
i havent been good half of this year but ill try the rest of it.
she knew that wasnt true either
so she asked her mom if she could go to church.
her mom said ok
so when the girl gets to the church she walks down the aisle and sees a mini statue of the guadalupe. so she steals it and runs back home to her room. and begins to write
Dear god
i got yo momma get me a bike or youll never see her again!!!
Here is a old'y but good'y,...
Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex. Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me. When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex. He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like. I said, "You don't understand. ... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied, "You must have been quite a strong boy." When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex." He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding. The next day we were married at the Justice of the Peace. My family was barred from the church from then on.
When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me. When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex. He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at night." The clerk said, "Me too!"
One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around. I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV." He called me a show off.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Same here!"
Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her. A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I'm looking for Sex." -- My case comes up next Thursday.
Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw. Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?" I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I can't live any longer being so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so go get yourself a dog."
hehe these are the funniest I've heard...
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
and
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.
I hope you enjoy them! :)
A man walks into a bar. He sees a very sexy looking woman. He walks up and asks her if she would like to head back to his place. She accepts. He then tells her he would want to do something kinky though. She says she won't mind. So they go back to his place and have good, normal sex. After it's over she asks him "I thought you wanted to to something kinky?" He says," I did... I **** in your purse
a woman is married to a man. every morning the man gets out of bed and farts and the woman's eyes burn. so she tells him, ''if you keep farting you might fart your guts out!'' on thanksgiving day she's taking out all the stuff inside the turkey and is about to throw it out but instead goes upstairs, pulls up her husbands pants and put the stuff inside the turkey in his pants. as usual he wakes up and starts to fart and feels the turkey guts and stuff in his pants. he goes in the bathroom and screams when he finds out. the woman is downstairs laughing on the floor and stops when her husband come down. he says ''honey, you know how you always say that i'm going to fart my guts out? well, with these two fingers and with the grace of God i think i got most of them back in.
ejublknlk
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S *** OUT FRONT
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race. The next day, the local paper headline read:BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ***.
This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day: NUN HAS BEST *** IN TOWN.
The bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the paper read:NUN SELLS *** FOR $10. This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild. The next day the headlines read:NUN ANNOUNCES
HER *** IS WILD AND FREE
The bishop was buried the next day.
The moral of the story is ... being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery.. and even shorten your life. So, be yourself and enjoy life... Stop worrying about everyone else's *** and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!
Did you hear about Hilary Clinton's last speech? The night before, she shaved her vagina. When she got up on stage, she lifted her skirt and said read my lips no more Bush!!!
There was this women driving down the road she saw a skunk. She stopped and seen that it was wet and very cold. So she took it home and asked her husband how to warm it up. He said put it by the stove in a box. Sometime later she saw it was still cold. She asked her husband again. He said the warmest place on your body is between your legs. She said what about the smell. He said it can deal with it like I have!!!
Paddy an Jim were walking on the beach kinda bored so Jim said "lets make up rhymes to pass the time we will try an make up rhymes about Timbuktoo I will go first"
So Jim started
As Paddy and I walked along the strand
We saw a ship not far from land
Its sails were red, white and blue
Its destinaton Timbuktoo
Paddy was next and he started
As Tim and I walked along the strand
We saw three girls lying on the sand
We didn't know quite what to do
So I bucked one and Tim Bucked Two
It was many years ago since the embarrassing day when a young woman, with a baby in her arms, entered his butcher shop and confronted him with the news that the baby was his and asked what was he going to do about it? Finally he offered to provide her with free meat until the boy was 16. She agreed.
He had been counting the years off on his calendar, and one day the teenager, who had been collecting the meat each week, came into the shop and said, "I'll be 16 tomorrow."
"I know," said the butcher with a smile, "I've been counting too, tell your mother, when you take this parcel of meat home, that it is the last free meat she'll get, and watch the expression on her face."
When the boy arrived home he told his mother.
The woman nodded and said, "Son, go back to the butcher and tell him I have also had free bread, free milk, and free groceries for the last 16 years and watch the expression on his face!"
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Ok there are 3 blonde guys on an island. While walking on the beach one of them tripped on a genie lamp. The genie popped out and said i will grant each one of you one wish. The first guy said i wish i was smarter so i could get off this island. Poof he was a red-head. He built a raft and oars and left the island. The second guy said i wish i was even smarter so i could get off the island but without as much work. Poof he was a brunette and he built a raft but with a sail. He sailed away from the island. The third guy said ok i wish i was even smarter so i can get off this island but without as much work. Poof he was a woman and he walked across the bridge.
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Collateral
A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce. The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blonde for using a $250,000 Rolls as collateral against a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Rolls into the bank's underground garage and parks it there.
Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41. The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?" The blond replies......................"Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"
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A Plane Trip
A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from LA to NY. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vice versa. " Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00." This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay" says the lawyer, "your turn." She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?" The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer.
Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00. The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep. The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?" Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.
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Wats brown and sticky?
A stick!
Wats red and bucket shaped?
A red bucket!
??Enjoy!!??