EASY WAY OF GETTING 10 POINTS!I will give you ten points for a best answer!?!
Question: Tip: Funny Jokes will do, and i will accept anything.
It could be jokes, flirting tips, ammusing quotes, anything like that, and whatever i like the best, i will give 10 points for the best answer!
Answers: Tip: Funny Jokes will do, and i will accept anything.
It could be jokes, flirting tips, ammusing quotes, anything like that, and whatever i like the best, i will give 10 points for the best answer!
An English teacher was explaining the concept of gender association in the English language.
He stated how hurricanes at one time were given feminine names, and how ships and planes were usually referred to as "she." One of the students raised their hand and asked, "What gender is a computer"?
The teacher wasn't certain which it was, so he divided the class into two groups, males in one, females in the other, and asked them to decide if a computer should be masculine or feminine. Both groups were asked to give four reasons for their recommendation. The group of women concluded that computers should be referred to in the masculine gender because:
1. In order to get their attention, you have to turn them on.
2. They have a lot of data, but are still clueless.
3. They are supposed to help you solve your problems, but half the time they are the problem.
4. As soon as you commit to one, you realize that, if you had waited a little longer, you could have had a better model.
The men, on the other hand, decided that computers should definitely be referred to in the feminine gender because:
1. No one but their creator understands their internal logic.
2. The native language they use to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.
3. Even the smallest mistakes are stored in their long-term memory for later retrieval.
4. As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half your pay check on accessories for it.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a christmas tree?
A porcupine. Ha. Yeah got that from a laffy taffy. Beat that.
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a moment then said, "So why the groom wearing black?" ~~~~~~~~~~~~
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!" While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again! As she ran she once again began to pray "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Three boys a re in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100." The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!" ~~~~~~~~~~~~ An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no ;male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead." ~~~~~~~~~~~~ A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He answered, "Call for backup." ~~~~~~~~~~~~ A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them toJerusalem. A small child replied, "They couldn't get a baby-sitter." ~~~~~~~~~~~ A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "Honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill." ~~~~~~~~~~~ At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the wee k his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"
Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife." ~~~~~~~~~~~ Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad." ~~~~~~~~~~~ You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing! Take heed and pass these along to people who need a laugh.
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
"Oh my God - hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!" "I can't jump out the window! It's raining out there!" "If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. "He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes, and jumps out the window. As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.
"Oh yes!" he replied, gasping for air. "It feels so wonderfully free!"
Another runner moved a long side. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?"
Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"
"Nope, only when it's raining!!
Are you Jamaican?
'CAUSE JA MAKIN' ME CRAZY.
HAHA. I swear, I laughed so hard.
And I don't know if you know this one...
"Why did the koala bear fall out of the tree?"
'Cause it was dead. Hahaha.
And this one:
"What is the strongest thing in the world?"
Pee. Superman can't even hold it in.
George Bush quotes:
"The real question is, is our children learning?"
"Terrorrists never stop about new ways of killing innocent people, and neither do we!"
"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test."
President Bush denied claims that he is dyslexic. As he said "I am not dyslexic, I have never even been to dyslexia."