Does this make sense and rate my poem?!


Question: Does this make sense? It will go in my poem.?
My mouth is oh so dry
But my eyes are far from so.
_______________________


This is my poem. Please tell if you like it or not. No reasons please. THIS IS A ROUGH DRAFT AND I'M NOT FINISHED.

I stare into those dying eyes
That were once alive and shown so bright
But now the fire's just a flame
Seeing death is such a sight


I watch behind my shaking hands
As her shakes start to cease
My hands are white, as is her face
I hear her start to wheeze

The coldness slowly creeps up on her
Like a spider on the kill
The stiffness started spreading
Dying is so cruel


Answers: Does this make sense? It will go in my poem.?
My mouth is oh so dry
But my eyes are far from so.
_______________________


This is my poem. Please tell if you like it or not. No reasons please. THIS IS A ROUGH DRAFT AND I'M NOT FINISHED.

I stare into those dying eyes
That were once alive and shown so bright
But now the fire's just a flame
Seeing death is such a sight


I watch behind my shaking hands
As her shakes start to cease
My hands are white, as is her face
I hear her start to wheeze

The coldness slowly creeps up on her
Like a spider on the kill
The stiffness started spreading
Dying is so cruel

Yes, I love it. It brought tears to my eyes. Thanks for the memories.

u are only twelve????
that is soooo nice, i liked it really!

that was great i wud like to hear your finished product

omg, that's frickin amazing!!! kudos! i suck at poems but you, you got a gift. pursue it



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