Any funny jokes ???!
Question: A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
"Oh my God - hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!" "I can't jump out the window! It's raining out there!" "If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. "He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes, and jumps out the window. As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.
"Oh yes!" he replied, gasping for air. "It feels so wonderfully free!"
Another runner moved a long side. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?"
Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"
"Nope, only when it's raining!!
Answers: A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
"Oh my God - hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!" "I can't jump out the window! It's raining out there!" "If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. "He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes, and jumps out the window. As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.
"Oh yes!" he replied, gasping for air. "It feels so wonderfully free!"
Another runner moved a long side. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?"
Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"
"Nope, only when it's raining!!
um... no! LOL!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Cuz that's where the catapult was aimed.
How many Democrats does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Take as many as you want, it'll never get done.
How many Republicans does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
3. One to actually do it, one to document the process and one to alert the media.
How do you make Holy Water????
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Burn the Hell out of it