Does someone have a really good joke?!


Question: No need to be clean etc. I don't care.


Answers: No need to be clean etc. I don't care.

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Anyone who thinks he is stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
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The pastor was talking to a group of young children about being good and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, 'Where do you want to go?'

'Heaven!' Suzy cried out.

'And what do you have to be to get there?' asked the preacher.

'Dead!' yelled Little Johnny.
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Asked by his teacher to compare three presidents Johnny thought for a moment and said: "Well, George Washington couldn't tell a lie. Richard Nixon couldn't tell the truth. And George W. Bush can't tell the difference."
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A young boy came to Sunday School late.

His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong.

The boy replied no, that he was going fishing but his dad told him that he needed to go to church.

The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing?

The boy replied, "Yes he did. Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us."
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A third grade teacher always took role call each morning and had the pupils' answer by reciting a short poem.

The first kid sat in the first row was a teacher's pet. He stood and said, "My name is Dan, and when I become a man, I would like to go to Japan if I can, and I think I can."

The next kid was a little girl who sat in the middle of the room. She stood up and answered the roll call by stating, "My name is Suzy, and when I become a lady I would like to have a baby ... if I can, and I think I can."

The next on the list was Little Johnny, a smart guy sitting in the back of the room. He stood up and said, "My name is Johnny, and I don't give a darn about Japan but I would like to help Suzy in her plan if I can and I think I can!"
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An Alabama sheriff went fishing on his day off. As he sat on the riverbank, Little Johnny came walking by. Spying a frog, Little Johnny grabbed it, took out his pocket knife and said "Frog, I's gon cut yo' legs off!"

Then he said, "Frog, after I gets don' cuttin' yo legs off, I's gon' stick this here Popsickle stick up yo' rear end! And then, Frog ..."

This was too much for the deputy. He stood up, grabbed Little Johnny, and said, "Look heah, boy, whatever you do to that frog, I'm gonna do to you!"

Little Johnny said, "Frog, dis here's yo' lucky day, 'cause I's gonna kiss yo' a*s."
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A small boy, little Johnny, was asked by his teacher, "What is the size of the Democratic Party?"

"About 5 feet 2 inches," he replied promptly.

"NO!" exploded the teacher. "I mean, how MANY members does it have? How did you get 5 feet 2 inches?"

"Well," replied the boy, "my father is 6 feet tall and every night he puts his hands to his chin and says..

"I've had it up to HERE with the Democratic Party!"
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he he

To prepare for his big date, a young man went to the rooftop of his apartment to work on his tan. Not wanting any tan lines, he sunbathed in the nude but fell asleep and burned his penis.

Not wanting to miss out on his date with the hot blonde, he applied some ointment to his manhood and wrapped it in gauze. The blonde showed up at his apartment and after dinner they went into the living room to watch a movie.

During the movie, the young man's sunburn began to hurt. After several minutes of extreme discomfort, he asked to be excused.

A friend had told him that milk was very effective in reducing sunburn pain. So he went to the kitchen, poured a tall glass of cold milk, and placed his sunburned member into the milk. He experienced immediate relief.

The blonde, wondering what the young man was doing, wandered into the kitchen and found him with his shaft fully immersed in the glass of milk. With a look of understanding the blonde exclaimed, "So that's how you load those things!"

Why don't witches wear undies?


To get better grip on their brooms

okay, there are 3 men trapped on one side of a river and they need to get to the other side. so they're trying to think of ways when they find a magic mirror, the mirror says it will grant them each on wish. so the 1st man steps up and wishes that he were smart so he could get across the river. so the mirror makes him smart and he swims across. then the 2nd man steps up and wishes he were smater than the 1st so he could get across the river. so the mirror makes him sart and he builds a plane and flys across. so then the last man steps up and wishes he were the smartest of them all. so the mirror turns him into a girl, and she walks across the brige.

Yo momma so poor, she bounces food stamps!!

Yo momma so poor, she can't afford to live in a two story Cheerio box!

Yo momma so poor she can't afford to pay attention!

Yo momma so poor when I ring the doorbell I hear the toilet flush!

Yo momma so poor she went to McDonald's and put a milkshake on layaway.

Yo momma so poor your family ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

Yo momma so poor burglars break in her house and leave money.

Yo Momma so poor she can't afford the o or the r.

Yo Momma so poor when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, and she said, "Moving."

Yo Momma so poor when she goes to KFC, she has to lick other people's fingers!

Yo Momma so poor when I ring the doorbell she says, "DING!"

Yo Momma so poor her face is on the front of a food stamp.

Yo Momma is so poor when she heard about the last supper she thought she had ran out of food stamps.

Yo Momma so poor she was in K-Mart with a box of Hefty bags. I said, "What ya doin'?" She said, "Buying luggage."

Yo Momma so poor she drives a peanut.

Yo Momma so poor she waves around a popsicle stick and calls it air conditioning.

Yo Momma so poor she does drive by shootings on the bus.

Yo Momma so poor you put RoundUp on the weeds and she said, "There goes breakfast, lunch, and dinner!"

Yo Momma so poor you asked her where the facilities were, and she said, "Pick a corner, any corner."

Yo Momma so poor I walked into your house and 3 roaches tripped me & tried to take my wallet!

Do you know the story about the little old woman that lives in a shoe? Well, Yo mama so poor she live in a flip flop!

Yo momma so short she gotta slam-dunk her bus fare!

Yo momma so short you can see her feet on her drivers lisence!

Yo momma so short, she models for trophys.

Yo Momma so short that she has to hold up a sign that says, "Dont Spit! I Cant Swim!"

Yo momma so stupid, she studied for a drug test!

Yo momma so stupid, she thought, "Wu Tang" was an African orange drink!

Yo momma so stupid she hears it's chilly outside so she gets a bowl.

Yo momma so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved!

Yo momma so stupid that she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order!

Yo momma so stupid she could trip over a cordless phone!

Yo momma so stupid she sold her car for gasoline money!

Yo momma so stupid she bought a solar-powered flashlight!

Yo momma so stupid she thinks a quarterback is a refund!

Yo momma so stupid she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.

Yo momma so stupid when she read on her job application to not write below the dotted line she put, "O.K."

Yo momma so stupid she stole free bread.

Yo momma so stupid she makes Beavis and Butt-Head look like Nobel Prize winners.

Yo momma so stupid she sits on the TV, and watches the couch!

Yo momma so stupid she bought a videocamera to record cable tv shows at home.

Yo momma so stupid she took an umbrella to see Purple Rain.

Yo momma so stupid it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Yo momma so stupid when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends.

Yo momma so stupid she told everyone that she was, "Illegitiment" because she couldn't read.

Yo momma so stupid that she puts lipstick on her head just to make-up her mind.

Yo momma so stupid you have to dig for her IQ!

Yo momma so stupid she took a cup to see Juice.

Yo momma so stupid she asked you, "What is the number for 911?"

Yo momma so stupid she got stabbed in a shoot out.

Yo momma so stupid she took a spoon to the superbowl.

Yo momma so stupid she called Dan Quayle for a spell check.

Yo momma so stupid she stepped on a crack and broke her own back.

Yo momma so stupid she thought she needed a token to get on Soul Train.

Yo momma so stupid when asked on an application, "Sex?" she marked, "M, F and sometimes Wednesday too."

Yo momma so stupid she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif.

Yo momma so stupid when you stand next to her you hear the ocean!

Yo momma so stupid she thinks Fleetwood Mac is a new hamburger at McDonalds!

Yo momma so stupid that she thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.

Yo momma so stupid when she went to take the 44 bus, she took the 22 twice instead.

Yo momma so stupid she jumped out the window and went up.

Yo momma so stupid she thought a quarterback was an income tax refund.

Yo momma so stupid she took a umbrella to see Purple Rain.

Yo momma so stupid that under, "Education," on her job application, she put, "Hooked on Phonics."

Yo momma so stupid she put out the cigarette butt that was heating your house.

Yo momma so stupid she watches, "The Three Stooges" and takes notes.

Yo momma so stupid was born on Independence Day and can't remember her birthday.

Yo momma so stupid she thought gangrene was another golf course.

Yo momma so stupid that she went to a Clippers game to get a hair cut.

Yo momma so stupid, she couldn't read an audio book.

Yo momma so stupid it take her a month to get rid of the 7 day itch.

Yo momma so stupid she stands up on an empty bus.

Yo momma so stupid it take her a week to get rid of a 24 hourr virus.

Yo momma so stupid it take her a day to cook a 3 minute egg.

Yo momma so stupid she has to ask for help to use hamburger helper .

Yo momma so stupid she went to Disney World and saw a sign that said "Disney World - Left" so she went home.

Yo momma so stupid she asked me what kind of jeans I had on and I said, "Guess" so she said, "Levi's."

Yo mommas teeth are so yellow, traffic slows down when she smiles!

Yo mommas teeth are so yellow, she spits butter!

Yo mommas teeth are so yellow, I can't believe its not butter
Yo mommas teeth are so yellow, traffic slows down when she smiles!

Yo mommas teeth are so yellow, she spits butter!

Yo mommas teeth are so yellow, I can't believe its not butter
Yo momma so ugly when she joined an ugly contest, they said, "Sorry, No Professionals."

Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

Yo momma so ugly just after she was born, her mother said, "What a treasure!" and her father said, "Yes, let's go bury it."

Yo momma so ugly they didn't give her a costume when she tried out for Star Wars.

Yo momma so ugly she gets 364 extra days to dress up for Halloween.

Yo momma so ugly her mom had to be drunk to breast feed her.

Yo momma so ugly she made an onion cry.

Yo momma so ugly she is very successful at her job: Being a scarecrow.

Yo momma so ugly I heard that your dad first met her at the pound.

Yo momma so ugly they push her face into dough to make gorilla cookies.

Yo momma so ugly they filmed, "Gorillas in the Mist," in her shower.

Yo momma so ugly when she walks into a bank, they turn off the surveillence cameras.

Yo momma so ugly her mom had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Yo momma so ugly when she walks down the street in September, people say ,"Damn, is it Halloween already?"

Yo momma so ugly the government moved Halloween to her birthday.

Yo momma so ugly that if ugly were bricks she'd have her own projects.

Yo momma so ugly they pay her to put her clothes on in strip joints.

Yo momma so ugly when they took her to the beautician it took 12 hours...for a quote!

Yo momma so ugly she tried to take a bath the water jumped out!

Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and gets arrested!

Yo momma so ugly even Rice Krispies won't talk to her!

Yo momma so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone!

Yo momma so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie facedown.

Yo momma so ugly she turned Medusa to stone!

Yo momma so ugly that when she cries the tears run down the back of her head because they're afraid of her face!!

Yo momma so ugly that her face will make a freight train take a dirt road!

Yo momma so ugly the NHL banned her for life.

Yo momma so ugly, she walked into taco bell and they all ran for the border!

Yo momma so ugly people go ask her for Halloween.

Yo momma so ugly that when she sits in the sand on the beach, cats try to bury her.

Yo momma so ugly she scares the roaches away.

Yo momma so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts, "Honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering for weeks now."

He looks at her and says angrily, "Fix
the light? Now? Does it look like I have a G.E. logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so."

"Well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right."

To which he replied, "Fix the fridge door? Does it look like I have Westinghouse written on my forehead?
I don't think so."

"Fine," she says, "Then could you at least fix the steps to the front door? They're about to break."

"I'm not a flippin carpenter and I don't want to fix the steps," he says. "Does it look like I have Ace Hardware written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!"

So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out. As he walks into the house, he

Bragging about Japan

There was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing. On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport. During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!"
After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi. Again, the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, "Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!
And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, "Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!"
The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars. Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was US$300.
The Japanese exclaimed, "Wah... so expensive!"
There upon, the driver yelled back, "Meter, very fast! Made in Japan!"



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