Any sick or tasteless jokes?!
Question: I'm depressed and I want to laugh a little.
Answers: I'm depressed and I want to laugh a little.
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle," he said.
"You may pass through the pearly gates," Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said, "You may pass through the pearly gates."
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "'And just what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "These are Carol's."
--------------------------------------...
A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. She laid her pet on the table. The vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird's heart. "I'm so sorry; your pet duck has passed away."
The distressed owner wailed "Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure. The duck is dead," the vet replied.
"How can you be so sure," she protested. "I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something."
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few moments later with a black Labrador retriever. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom.
He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head. The vet patted the dog and took it out and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed the bird from its beak to its tail and back again.
The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, "I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck."
Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys, and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. "150!" she cried. "150 just to tell me my duck is dead?"
The vet shrugged. "I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been twenty dollars. But, what with the Lab Report and the CAT scan, it all adds up."
As in racist?
I have a racist joke, and I mean NO offense to ANYONE when I say this joke. Please don't take me seriously, hell, shun me if you want. But I do not mean it at all.
How are black people like apples?
They both look mighty fine hanging from trees.
Again, do not take me seriously, I do NOT mean it.
a man walked into a bar ,,,,,,,,,,,and it hurt
How many people think a gangrape is good?
9/10
Whats red, has bubbles and scratches at the window b4 it explodes
A baby in a microwave.
Sick and tasteless enough 4 ya?
there were three dogs, all poodles. the first one says: "i'm Fido, F-I-D-O." The second one says, "Im Fifi. F-I-F-I." And the third one says: "Im Phido. P-H-I-D-E-A-U-X."
whats crueler that swinging a baby around a close line?
stoping it with a sledge hammer!
whats crueler than stapling a baby to the wall??
riping it back off!
whats the definition of disgusting?
finding a used condom in a second hand store!
whats the definition of double disgusting?
seeing it gone the next day!
whats the definition of triple disgusting?
seeing it back the following day!
what do you call a prositute with a runny nose?
Full!
a truck picks up a a hitch hicker and asks her for sex and she said no sorry im on my monthlys. and he said thats fine doesnt bother me. so the jump in the back and start gettin it on, few mins later a cop taps on the window. may i ask what you are doin sir? he asked. the truckie said oh im just eating some pizza. and the cops like ok then by the way you got some sauce on your chin!
gross enough for ya......
i bet you aint eatin pizza again.