Jokes Jokes Jokes!!! Anyone know any?!


Question: I need some simple funny, stupid, lame jokes to tell my husband when were laying in bed tonight. It might sound dumb to you but I like to have small talk before we go to sleep lol! :)


Answers: I need some simple funny, stupid, lame jokes to tell my husband when were laying in bed tonight. It might sound dumb to you but I like to have small talk before we go to sleep lol! :)

Q: What did the ghost say to the bee
A: Boo-Bee (boobie)

A drunk driver crashes into a living room killing a woman. Who is at fault? The woman she wasn't in the kitchen.

So im strolling accross a park one day and I see to kids. One of them eats a battery and one of them eats a firework. The policeman comes over and starts taling to them. One of them gets charged the other one gets let off.

Wooo lame jokes

just tell him the Height of Technology we people have reached.."searching jokes on the internet!!!"

okay, you should say this to somebody...

you: "how do you take an elephant out of a subway?"

person: "idk how"

you: "you take the letter S out of sub.. so say it"

person: "ub.."

you: "now take the F out of way"

person: "THERE IS NO F IN WAY!!!!!!!!!"

People always think I'm racist but I'm NOT!
I've dated a guy before who was half black...oh...that's so pessimistic of me, he was half WHITE.
I dated a Mexican too but I had to break up with him because every time we had sex I got diarrhea for like a week.

Shortened rendition of an extremely amazing joke.
It probably sucks now--better when using tone of voice.

is your mother a dowr nob cuz every one gets a turn........your mothers like a pul table my balls go in and out..........your moms like a birthday candle every one gets a blow...........your mom is so ugly she walk in to a hounted house and came out wit a job aplcaoin ..........your moms so skinny she ate a m&m and she got 6 months pregnet

I know it's old, but for some reason, I get a laugh out of this one...
Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7, 8, 9!

their was a lion kind who wanted to be entertained. To satisfy him he made a rule that whoever could tell him the funniest joke wouldn't die. The first animal was a horse. He went up to the lion and told the funniest joke anyone has ever heard. Everyone laughed except the lion. The lion had him killed right away. No one could beleive he had the horse killed. The next animal was a zebra he told an ok joke. Some people laughed the lion didn't. Then he had the zebra killed.
Again people were confused by his action but the entertainment went on. Last a pig walked up to the lion and told the worst, most horrific joke he could think of. No one laught EXCEPT the lion. Everone was confused. Then they asked the lion why he laughed at the pig's joke . And the lion said
"I just got the horses joke"
lol get it?

knock knock
whose there
old lady
old lady who
i didnt know you can yodel?

Late one night A old man and wife heard 3 burglers in their shed. The husband called police. He was told ,",NO ONE is available to come, just lock up in your house and we will come later." His wife became more frightened. Fearing for her he calls back, "WE need help please send someone." ' SORRY, no one is available." So he hung up, counted to 20, called back. "" Dont be in hurry to come, I took care of them with my gun,," In 5 minuents two police cars, firetruck, ambulance arrived. The men surrender. Officer in charge says I THOUGHT you said you shot them??? He answered I THOUGHT you said NO ONE was available. I was told it was true but makes good joke. *mamatx

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. One rainy day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

"Oh my God - hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!" "I can't jump out the window! It's raining out there!" "If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied. "He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes, and jumps out the window. As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.
"Oh yes!" he replied, gasping for air. "It feels so wonderfully free!"
Another runner moved a long side. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?"
Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"

"Nope, only when it's raining!!

It was the day after Christmas at a church in San Francisco. The pastor of the church was looking over the cradle when he noticed that the baby Jesus was missing from among the figures. Immediately he turned and went outside and saw a little boy with a red wagon, and in the wagon was the figure of the little infant, Jesus.

So he walked up to the boy and said, "Well, where did you get Him, my fine friend?"

The little boy replied, "I got him from the church."

"And why did you take him?"

The boy said, "Well, about a week before Christmas I prayed to the little Lord Jesus and I told him if he would bring me a red wagon for Christmas I would give him a ride around the block in it."



The answer content post by the user, if contains the copyright content please contact us, we will immediately remove it.
Copyright © 2007 enter-qa.com -   Contact us

Entertainment Categories