Your BEST Joke?!


Question: OKAY! Lay it on me!


Answers: OKAY! Lay it on me!

1)
Sam: Would you punish me for some thing i didn't do?
Teacher: no, of course not.
Sam: good, because i didn't do my homework

2)
Why don't oysters give to charity?
Because they're shellfish.

Ok, I hope I get this right, it was a while ago that I heard it so.......

A man is caring for his young daughter while his wife is at work. An hour or so before the wife gets home, the little girl asks her daddy if he wants to have a tea party. He agrees, and the young girl toddles off. A few minutes later she comes back with a small plastic tea cup full of water, and hands it to her daddy. He drinks it, the little girl giggles, and toddles away, returning again in a few moments with more water, which the man drinks. This continues for about half an hour. The man calls his wife, telling her that she just has to come see how cute this is, what their daughter is doing. So when she gets home, she watches her daughter toddle back and forth with the little cup once or twice. Her husband says, "See, isn't she just adorable?" His wife looks at him and, smiling, says, "There is only one place low enough for her to get that water from, you know."

(It's a mum joke)

Your mum is so stupid, she got ran over by a PARKED car.

(Another one)

Your mum is so ugly, she makes blind children cry.

What did the elephant say to the naked man in the jungle?



















It's cute, but can it pick up peanuts?

Two guys are speeding through Texas when a state trooper pulls them over. The trooper walks up to the drivers side of the car, gets out his billy club and smacks the driver across the face. Stunned, the driver asks, ''Why did you do that??''
The trooper responds, ''You're in Texas now son, you have that license out and ready around here!''

''I apologize sir, I'm not from around here.''

The trooper then walks to the passenger side of the car, and taps on the window. The passenger rolls down his window and the trooper takes out his club and smacks the passenger across the face.

''What was that for?'' asked the passenger.

''I know your kind,'' says the trooper, ''About two miles down the road you would have looked at your buddy and said 'I wish that son of a ***** would have tried that crap with me!'''

Hillary Clinton goes to a primary school in New York to talk about the world. After her talk she offers a question time.
One little boy puts up his hand. The Senator asks him what his name is.
"Kenneth."
"And what is your question, Kenneth?"
"I have three questions: First, Whatever happened to the medical health care plan you were paid to develop during your husband's eight years in the office of the President?"
"Second, Why would you run for President after your husband shammed the office?"
"Third, In your book you said you didn't know your husband was having an affair. Why would we ever want to put you in charge of our nation's security if you can't figure out that one? Or were you just lying about not knowing?"
Just then the bell rings for recess. Hillary Clinton informs the kids that they will continue after recess.
When they resume, Hillary says, "Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right, question time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy puts his hand up. Hillary points him out and asks him what his name is.
"Larry."
"And what is your question, Larry?"
"I have five questions, First,Whatever happened to the medical health plan you were paid to develop during your husbands eight years in the office as President?"
"Second, Why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?"
"Third, In your book you said you didn't know your husband was having an affair. Why would we ever want to put you in charge of our nation's security if you can't figure that out? Or were you just lying about not knowing?"
"Fourth, Why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?"
"Fifth, Where's Kenneth?"

Yet another (don't) vote for Monica's ex-boyfriend's wife joke !!!!!!!!!!



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