Whats the most funniest thing/joke you've ever heard ?!
Question: The last one is the funniest :)
Actual call centre conversations !!!!!
>>
>>Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get
>>through to enquiries, can you help?".
>>Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
>>Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
>>Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".
>>
>>
>>------------------------------------...
>>Samsung Electronics
>>Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
>>Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking
>>about".
>>Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly
>>states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket
>>and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for
>>Jack?"
>>Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".
>>------------------------------------...
>>RAC Motoring Services
>>Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am
>>travelling inAustralia ?"
>>
>>Operator: " Doesn't the product give you a clue?"
>>------------------------------------...
>>Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):
>>"If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel
>>to the other side of the car?"
>>
>>------------------------------------...
>>Directory Enquiries
>>Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in
>>Cardiff please".
>>Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling
>>correct?"
>>Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but
>>the 'B' fell off".
>>
>>------------------------------------...
Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager"
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!
--------------------------------------...
>>Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
>>Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
>>Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in
>>Scotland ".
>>------------------------------------...
>>On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box
>>told a worried operator:
>>
>>"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number
>>on".
>>------------------------------------...
>>Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
>>Customer: "OK".
>>Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?".
>>Customer: "No".
>>Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
>>Customer: "No".
>>Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
>>this point?".
>>
>>Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote
>>'click'".
>>------------------------------------...
>>Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen,
>>can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
>>Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
>>------------------------------------...
>>Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised
>>that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my
>>file back again?".
>>------------------------------------...
>>------------------------------------...
>>There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest
>>things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not
>>fired This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was
>>transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.
>>Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is
>>currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without
>>Cause".
>>Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I
>>know why they record these conversations!):
>>
>>
>>Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
>>
>>Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
>>Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
>>Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden
>>the words went away."
>>Operator: "Went away?"
>>Caller: "They disappeared."
>>Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
>>Caller: "Nothing."
>>Operator: "Nothing??"
>>Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
>>Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
>>Caller: "How do I tell?"
>>Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
>>Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
>>Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the
>>screen?"
>>Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept
>>anything I type."
>>Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
>>Caller: "What's a monitor?"
>>Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it
>>that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's
>> on??"
>>Caller: "I don't know."
>>Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find
>>where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
>>Caller: "Yes, I think so."
>>Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
>>plugged into the wall.
>>Caller: "Yes, it is."
>>Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
>>there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
>>Caller: "No."
>>Operator: "Well, there are. I need you
>>to look back there again and find the other cable."
>>Caller: "Okay, here it is."
>>Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely
>>into the back of your computer."
>>Caller: "I can't reach."
>>Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
>>Caller: "No."
>>Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean
>>way over??"
>>Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle -
>>it's because it's dark."
>>Operator: "Dark??"
>>Caller: "Yes - the office light is off,
>>and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
>>
>>" Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
>>Caller: "I can't."
>>Operator: "No? Why not??"
>>Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
>>Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it
>>licked now.
>>
>>Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer
>>came in??"
>>
>>Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
>>Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it
>>up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you
>>bought it from."
>>Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
>>Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
>>Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell
>>them??"
>>Operator: "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to own a
>>computer!!!!!"
Answers: The last one is the funniest :)
Actual call centre conversations !!!!!
>>
>>Customer: "I've been ringing 0700 2300 for two days and can't get
>>through to enquiries, can you help?".
>>Operator: "Where did you get that number from, sir?".
>>Customer: "It was on the door to the Travel Centre".
>>Operator: "Sir, they are our opening hours".
>>
>>
>>------------------------------------...
>>Samsung Electronics
>>Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?"
>>Operator: "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand who you are talking
>>about".
>>Caller: "On page 1, section 5, of the user guide it clearly
>>states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket
>>and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now, can you give me the number for
>>Jack?"
>>Operator: "I think you mean the telephone point on the wall".
>>------------------------------------...
>>RAC Motoring Services
>>Caller: "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I am
>>travelling inAustralia ?"
>>
>>Operator: " Doesn't the product give you a clue?"
>>------------------------------------...
>>Caller (enquiring about legal requirements while travelling in France ):
>>"If I register my car in France , do I have to change the steering wheel
>>to the other side of the car?"
>>
>>------------------------------------...
>>Directory Enquiries
>>Caller: "I'd like the number of the Argoed Fish Bar in
>>Cardiff please".
>>Operator: "I'm sorry, there's no listing. Is the spelling
>>correct?"
>>Caller: "Well, it used to be called the Bargoed Fish Bar but
>>the 'B' fell off".
>>
>>------------------------------------...
Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager"
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!
--------------------------------------...
>>Then there was the caller who asked for a knitwear company in Woven.
>>Operator: "Woven? Are you sure?"
>>Caller: "Yes. That's what it says on the label; Woven in
>>Scotland ".
>>------------------------------------...
>>On another occasion, a man making heavy breathing sounds from a phone box
>>told a worried operator:
>>
>>"I haven't got a pen, so I'm steaming up the window to write the number
>>on".
>>------------------------------------...
>>Tech Support: "I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop".
>>Customer: "OK".
>>Tech Support: "Did you get a pop-up menu?".
>>Customer: "No".
>>Tech Support: "OK. Right-Click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?"
>>Customer: "No".
>>Tech Support: "OK, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
>>this point?".
>>
>>Customer: "Sure. You told me to write 'click' and I wrote
>>'click'".
>>------------------------------------...
>>Tech Support: "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen,
>>can you see the 'OK' button displayed?"
>>Customer: "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?"
>>------------------------------------...
>>Caller: "I deleted a file from my PC last week and I have just realised
>>that I need it. If I turn my system clock back two weeks will I have my
>>file back again?".
>>------------------------------------...
>>------------------------------------...
>>There's always one. This has got to be one of the funniest
>>things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not
>>fired This is a true story from the Word Perfect Helpline, which was
>>transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department.
>>Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is
>>currently suing the Word Perfect organization for "Termination without
>>Cause".
>>Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee. (Now I
>>know why they record these conversations!):
>>
>>
>>Operator: "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?"
>>
>>Caller: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."
>>Operator: "What sort of trouble??"
>>Caller: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden
>>the words went away."
>>Operator: "Went away?"
>>Caller: "They disappeared."
>>Operator: "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?"
>>Caller: "Nothing."
>>Operator: "Nothing??"
>>Caller: "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type."
>>Operator: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??"
>>Caller: "How do I tell?"
>>Operator: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??"
>>Caller: "What's a sea-prompt?"
>>Operator: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the
>>screen?"
>>Caller: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept
>>anything I type."
>>Operator: "Does your monitor have a power indicator??"
>>Caller: "What's a monitor?"
>>Operator: "It's the thing with the screen on it
>>that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's
>> on??"
>>Caller: "I don't know."
>>Operator: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find
>>where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??"
>>Caller: "Yes, I think so."
>>Operator: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
>>plugged into the wall.
>>Caller: "Yes, it is."
>>Operator: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
>>there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??"
>>Caller: "No."
>>Operator: "Well, there are. I need you
>>to look back there again and find the other cable."
>>Caller: "Okay, here it is."
>>Operator: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely
>>into the back of your computer."
>>Caller: "I can't reach."
>>Operator: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??"
>>Caller: "No."
>>Operator: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean
>>way over??"
>>Caller: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle -
>>it's because it's dark."
>>Operator: "Dark??"
>>Caller: "Yes - the office light is off,
>>and the only light I have is coming in from the window.
>>
>>" Operator: "Well, turn on the office light then."
>>Caller: "I can't."
>>Operator: "No? Why not??"
>>Caller: "Because there's a power failure."
>>Operator: "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it
>>licked now.
>>
>>Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer
>>came in??"
>>
>>Caller: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."
>>Operator: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it
>>up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you
>>bought it from."
>>Caller: "Really? Is it that bad?"
>>Operator: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."
>>Caller: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell
>>them??"
>>Operator: "Tell them you're too f*%king stupid to own a
>>computer!!!!!"
it was SUPER funny, but kinda mean. that is the exact reason i am not going to repeat it. the only thing was, it was a Mexican joke... and i wuvv Mexicans! lol, jk.
=)
Jonathan Ross on Heather Mills: Shes such an f-ing liar, were going to find out she has two legs instead of one.
person 1----you wana hear a diry joke?
i fell in the mud
you wanna hear a clean joke?
i took a bath with bubbles
yuo wana hear a REALY dirty joke...bubbles was my next door neighbor
Look down and then up. What do you see?
This is really harsh, so i apolgize before hand
"After her success in the junior uk hide and seek championships, Shannon Matthews will now try her luck abroad by taking on current european champion Madeleine McCann."
You know it's bad, but come on it's hilarious!
The Lady in front of me at the Supermarket was asked if she wanted paper or plastic bags, she decided to go for plastic and noted "it is better for the enviroment, because she does not want so many trees to be cut down for paper bags".....!???!
this one
Some good stuff.
Culture comparison ... American vs Swedish
At a local college dance, a guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to
dance.
While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, "In
America, we call this a hug".
She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too."
A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, "In America, we
call this a kiss".
She replies, "Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too."
Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes her out on
the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her, and says, "In America,
we call this a grass sandwich".
She says, "Yaaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually
put more meat in it."