Just for fun....Jokes?!


Question: Ok, I need a joke and a GOOD one. help me


Answers: Ok, I need a joke and a GOOD one. help me

A Man finds a lamp on the beach. He tries to wipe the lamp off and a genie pops out. The genie says that he has 3 wishes but to be forewarned that what ever wishes or treasures that may be wished for will be doubled for his ex-wife. He 1st wished for a trillion dollars, his ex got 2-trillion. He 2nd wished for every luxary car in the world, his wife got 2 of every luxary car in the world. His last wish he thought hard about. The man says to the genie. You see that stick on the beach, beat me half to death with it.

Marianne Williamson

What do you call a black man who flies a plane?

a pilot, you f--king racist!

HOW ABOUT THE BLONDE JOKE>?

You Might Be An Iraqi If…

* You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon “unclean.”
* You can’t think of anyone you HAVEN’T declared Jihad against.
* You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
* You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
* You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
* You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes.
* You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.
* You bathe at least monthly, whether necessary or not.
* You have more wives than teeth.
* You have ever had a crush on your neighbor’s goat.

what kinda fish has two knees?

A TWO-KNEE FISH HAHAHAHAHAH!!!

the cowboys winning the superbowl again hahahahahahahahahaha

why did the little girl ask this question
she needed a joke

Q: Why did the vegetable blush?
A: Because it saw the salad dressing.

=]]

http://www.coolfunnyjokes.com/ go here and look for one

my favorite:
why is six afraid of seven?
becase seven-eight-nine

;]

hahahaha

Susie's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months. Things looked grim, but she was by his bedside every single day. One day as he slipped back into consciousness, he motioned for her to come close to him. She pulled the chair close to the bed and leaned her ear close to be able to hear him.

"You know" he whispered, his eyes filling with tears, "you have been with me through all the bad times. When I got fired, you stuck right beside me. When my business went under, there you were. When we lost the house, you were there. When I got shot, you stuck with me. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. "And you know what?"

"What, dear?" she asked gently, smiling to herself.

"I think you're bad luck."

A budhist walks up to a hot dog vendor and says "Make me one with Everything".

What do you call a deer with one eye?
I have no eye deer

I went to the store the other day. I was only in there for about five minutes, and when I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, 'Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?'

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a stupid idiot. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!

Then I really got angry at him. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't care. My car was parked around the corner

There was a blonde a redhead and a brunette.

They all decided to go to the bar and they got fake ids cause they were underage.

So they go in and the bartender knows they are underage so he call the cops.

The readhead informs the girls that the bartender has called the cops and they have to leave.

So they go out the back door and they see this barn.

They go inside and the redhead notices 3 potato sacks on the floor.

See tells the girls to each hide in a potato sack.

Then the police arrive in the bar, and the bartender takes them out back to look around.

They go into the barn and look everywhere.

One cop says "They might be in those potato sacks".

So he kicks the first one containing the redhead and hears "woof woof". "That's a dog" he thinks to himself.

He kicks the second bag containing the brunette and hears "Meow, meow" "Well that must be a cat" he thinks.

Finally, he kicks the last bag containing the blonde and hears in a slow voice "po...ta...to...es!"

Blonde paint job
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

Alright so there are 3 guys lost in a woods. These cannibals find them and bring them to their king. The king tells them to go out in the woods and find 10 of any fruit. So the first guy comes back and he has 10 apples. Then the king says you have to shove all 10 apples up your butt with no facial expressions if you laugh or yell we will eat you. So the first guy tries, but he yells out in pain. Then the 2nd guy comes back with 10 grapes and the king tells him the same thing. So the 2nd guy is just on a roll. 1..2.3.4..5...6..7..8.9 and he is on number ten when he starts laughing historically. Then guy number one is talking to him up in heaven and is why did you laugh u almost lived!?!?! and guy number 2 says i saw the third guy coming in with pineapple

Okay a girl and a guy have been dating for 6 months. They are at the park and the girl says 'Honey why don't you ever talk to me or tell me you love me?' and they hey looked and said 'WHAT THE HECK BENCHES CAN'T TALK!

Two carrots are hanging out and decide to cross a highway. One gets hit by a car. The ambulance takes the carrot to the ER. The injured carrot's friend looks up nervously as the doctor enters the room. He says, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is your friend is going to live the bad news is he's going to be a vegetable for the rest of his life."

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar. They get smashed. As they are leaving, the giraffe falls over 'cause he's so drunk and he just lays there, asleep. The man looks at him, shrugs and starts to leave again. The bartender calls out, "Hey! You can't leave that lyin' there!" The man turns around and replies, "That's not a lion, that's a giraffe!"

So its april first and a lady is giving birth. right when the baby is born the doctor takes the baby and slams it aganist the wall and blood splatters everywhere. The parents start fliiping out screaming you killed our baby and the Doctor goes APRIL FOOLS it was still born.

its an awful joke.

so a blond girl ask her friend what idk means and her friend said"i dont know"and then the blond said"Man Nobody Knows!!!!!!!!!"

a 95 year old woman is walking thru securtiy at the airport they frisk her whole body to see if she is bearing weapons then they chek her to make sure nothing in her pocket and under her girdle.. then the older sweet woman looks up and says to the guy who just touch and frisk her up and down....."sweetie I 'll write you a check if you will do that again"



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