What is your favourite joke ever.? ??!


Question: Come on guys i need cheering up.xx ?


Answers: Come on guys i need cheering up.xx ?

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'

The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of t hem was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

The defense attorney nearly died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said,
'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'

My best one would be this its kinda long though.
There was this kid who had to learn the first 3 letters of the alpherbet because the teacher set it for home work. So then he goes home and goes into the kitchen where his mom is ironing and he says "mom whats the first letter in the alpherbet" then his mom burnt her finger and goes SH** and the boy goes ok thanks mom and walks out then goes into his dads office where his dad is typing. He says "dad whats the second letter in the alpherbet. His dad typed a mistake and goes "in the bin" the boy went ok thanks dad. Then he goes into his sisters room where his sister is singing. He goes sis whats the 3rd lesson in the alpherbet she goes "No no no no" then he went ok thanks sis. The next day he goes to school and the teacher says "Whats the first letter in the alpherbet" he goes "****" she says "wheres your manors" he goes "in the bin" "Report to the head mistress "no no no no"

A guy hears a knock at his door. When he answers it, there’s nobody there, but there’s a snail on the welcome mat. Frustrated, the guy picks up the snail and hurls it into the street.

Five years go by, and there’s another knock at the door. The man answers it, and again there’s no one standing there, but there’s a snail on the welcome mat.

The snail looks up and says, “What the hell was that all about?”

These two cannibals were eating a clown.....and one of them says to the other...................doest this taste a bit funny to you?!

A landlord, an Essex girl and A scotsman all walk into a bar.....and the barman says...what the hell is this?! some kind of a friggin joke?!

well if you want to find out check out my questions and i know they will cheer you up

A man went on a business to China and wanted to buy some gifts for his kids. He went to a shop and found a nice looking CD player. Wary of buying inferior goods, he asked the shopkeeper, 'What would happened if this does not work?'

The shopkeeper quietly points to the only sign in English that reads, 'GUARANTEE NO SPOILT'.

Feeling assured, he paid for the CD player and returns to his hotel. He tried to use the CD player after returning to the hotel but it would not even switch on.

He quickly return to the shop and asked for a refund or an exchange for another unit. When the shopkeeper refused to give either, the man points to the sign assuring him of a guarantee.

The shopkeeper then said, 'Brother, you are in China . We read from the right to the left.'

MY FAVE JOKE IS THIS:

A mother has two daughters and a son. The first daughter asks her mother, "Why am I named Lily?" The mother replied, "Because, when you were born, a lily fell on your head." Lily goes and tells her sister about her name, so she goes to her mother and asks her mother, "Why am I named Rose?" The mother replies, "Because when you were born a rose fell on your head." The girls discuss their name origins when Rose starts laughing hysterically. "What is so hilarious?" asked Lily. All Rose can do is point at her retarded brother waddle towards a plant and say, "Hello Mommy! My name is Brick!"



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