What is ur best joke?!
Question: Several men are in the locker room of a golf country club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2006 models. I saw one I really liked"
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're only asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, go ahead and make them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."The man hangs up.
The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
Answers: Several men are in the locker room of a golf country club. A cell phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands free speaker-function and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.
MAN: "Hello"
WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"
MAN: "Yes"WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only $1,000. Is it OK if I buy it?"
MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."
WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2006 models. I saw one I really liked"
MAN: "How much?"
WOMAN: "$90,000"
MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."
WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing .... The house I wanted last year is back on the market. They're only asking $950,000."
MAN: "Well, go ahead and make them an offer of $900,000. They will probably take it. If not, we can go the extra 50 thousand."
WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!!"
MAN: "Bye! I love you, too."The man hangs up.
The other men in the locker room are staring at him in astonishment, mouths agape.....He smiles and asks: "Anyone know who this phone belongs to?"
This is apparently the funniest joke in the world, according to a survey:
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services.
He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"
Why don't women blink during foreplay?
Cos they don't have time! :)
It was a lovely sunny Sunday afternoon and Paddy o' Reilly was out on the River Bank doing a little bit of fishing.
When along came the local Vicar who asked Paddy what he had caught today?
Paddy replied, "I"ve caught lots of F**k**s today Vicar"
The Vicar replied back to Paddy,"I beg your pardon what have you caught today?"
Paddy replied "F**k**s Vicar, lot's of F**k**s"
The Vicar looked somewhat bewildered and said to Paddy,
"In this stretch of water Paddy there are Roach, Perch,and Carp and I can assure you there are no such fish as...F**k**s in this river"!!
Paddy replied "Oh yes there is Vicar, coz everytime I catch one,them two over there say "Look he's got another F**k*r!"
For more of my jokes try here...
http://pic4.piczo.com/AREA102/
A blond calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blond says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."
He takes her hand and says, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then .." he said with a deep sigh, . .. . . ... . .
"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
no offence !!
The circus came to a big city and most of the performers went to the bar around the corner after the show before they even took off their makeup or changed clothes. The first night, a guy was talking up one of the clowns and and when both seemed a bit smashed, the guy says, "Alright, clown, I'll make ya a bet! We'll take the elevetor of that buildin ooover there an get out at the top floor annnn I'm gonna jump off that sucker and grab the flag pole stickin outta the second story window there an swinng around it and I'll be goin so fast that I'll go upside down right back up the side of the buildin and LAND on the roof where I started!!
The clown says, "If you can do that, sooo cannn I!"
They go up, they guy jumps off, grabs the flagpole on the way down, swings around it, goes upside down all the way back up to the roof, and lands next to the clown. "Your turn, clown!"
The clown jumps off and smacks into the sidewalk.
In the bar, the ringmaster says, "Dangit!! I lose a clown EVERY time we come to Metropoilis!!
A blonde walked into a electriacal appliance store and walked up to aTV and said "can i buy this?" to the man.
Then he said sorry, we dont sell to blondes.
The next day she died her hair brown and went back there and said to the man "can i buy this TV?"
Then he said, "sorry we dont sell to blondes"
She looked at him again and said "what do i have to do to get a TV around here?"
Then the man said "go to the TV section, because this is a microwave.
Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.
At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter . He says, 'Sisters, you all
Led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go
Back to earth and be anyone you wish to be
The first nun says, 'I want to be Sophia Loren ;
And *poof* she's gone.
The second says, 'I want to be Madonna and *poof* she's gone.
The third says, 'I want to be Sara Pipalini ..
St. Peter looks perplexed. 'Who?' he asks
'Sara Pipalini ,' replies the nun
St. Peter shakes his head and says, 'I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't ring a bell
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter .
St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and says.
'No sister, the paper says that the ' Sahara Pipeline' was laid by
1,400 men in 6 months.'
If you laugh, you're going straight to hell!