You tell me a joke !?!
Question: I would like a laugh, I don't care what it is
Answers: I would like a laugh, I don't care what it is
Two hillbillies walk into a bar. While having a shot of whisky, they talk about their moonshine operation.
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. And, after a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress. One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, 'Kin ya swallar?'
The woman shakes her head no.
Then he asks, 'Kin ya breathe?'
The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.
The hill billy walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue. The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth. As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to o the bar.
His partner says, 'Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it!'
Why did New York's former governor have to hire a prostitute?
Because his wife was a Spitzer, not a swallower.
Haha
What did George Washington say before the men got on the boats?
Men get on the boats!
Why did the elephant where green shoes?
He wanted to hide in the grass.
A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long weekend to thaw out during one particularly icy winter. Because both had jobs, they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules. It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday, and his wife would follow him the next day. Upon arriving as planned, the husband checked into the hotel. There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis. However, he accidentally left off one letter in her address, and sent the e-mail without realizing his error.
In Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who had been 'called home to glory' following a heart attack. The widow checked her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. Upon reading the first message, she fainted and fell to the floor. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
From: Your Departed Husband
Subject: I've Arrived!
I've just arrived and have checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
(P.S. Sure is hot down here!)
What do you call cheese that's not yours?
Nacho cheese :D
Haha I love this joke ;D
massengill came out with a new deuce today. its made from marijuana, antiperspirant,and kfc.
it leaves a woman feeling high and dry and finger licking good
What's the last thing that goes through a bug's mind when it hits a windshield?
Its rear end
My pic and name.
America needs help
The men will cry and the women will search and search for when the look down below they will need to say look no more Bush.
A guy took his girlfriend to a football game. At the beginning, they flipped a quarter. During the game, the guy asked his girlfriend if she was enjoying the game. The girl said, "This is so stupid! Everyone keeps saying 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' It's only twenty five cents!!!!"
How does a 10 foot elephant get out of a tiny sportscar?
The same way he got in.
spell god backward and you will see that he is man's best friend.
I don't know any....
A man was leaving church one day. The Pastor was standing at the door (as
he always is) to shake hands with members of the congregation. He grasped
the man by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him,
"You need to join the Army of the Lord!"
The man replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."
Pastor questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and
Easter?"
He whispered back, "Shhhhhhhhh. I'm in the secret service."
A college class was told they had to write a short story in as few words as possible. The instructions were:
The short story has to contain the following three things:
1. Religion
2. Sexuality
3. Mystery
Below is the only A+ short story in the entire class.
"Good God, I'm pregnant; I wonder who did it?"