Entertain me?!
Question: give the best joke you can find, im depressed
Answers: give the best joke you can find, im depressed
The Smiths had no children, since Mr. Smith couldn't get it up, so they decided to use a proxy father to start their family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon. Good luck!"
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning madam. You don't know me, but I've come to...."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
"Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat.
Just where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too; you can really spread out."
"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures.
"This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."
"Oh my God!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the picture.
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to Central Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes," the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate.
Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, er..,um.., ah.... equipment?"
"That's right. Well madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."
"Tripod??" Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam? Madam? Good Lord, she's fainted!"
This is my favourite joke, I laugh at it every time. Hope you feel better soon!
Have a cookie and some milk. That'll cheer you up. :)
Being sad/down only makes things THAT much worse. There's no point if you think about it...just be happy. SMILE. :D
this one made me laugh the other day i heard it on here. ok so this elephant asks a camel hey how come you have boobs on your back and the camel replied that's kinda a funny thing to say when u have a penis on your face.
Knock Knock
Who's There?
Panther
Panther who?
Panther no pants, I'm going swimming!
TOO CORNY--Ya just gotta laugh at the stupid ones.
do you know why do pupils eat their homework?????
because their teacher tokld them that their homework juz LIKE A PIECE OF CAKE!!!
=P
an old woman goes into the police station shouting i've been graped, i've been graped. the policeman starts to take notes, my dear you mean you've been raped. no, no she says, i've been graped, there was a bunch them.
Great song by Freak Kitchen
how can you tell when a blonde is having a bad day?? she has a tampon behind her ear and forgot where she put her pencil
This one is called..."Having To Take A Whisper"....
Once there was a liitle boy in church. He had to go to the bathroom so he told his mother, ''Mommy, I have to piss.''
The mother said, ''Son don't say piss in church. Next time you have to piss, say, 'whisper' because it is more polite.
The following Sunday, the litle boy was sitting by his father this time, and once again, he had to go to the bathroom.
He told his father, ''Daddy I have to whisper.''
The father said, ''OK. Here, whisper in my ear.''
:P Feel better!...