Any good riddles?!
Question: i'm looking for some really good riddles clean of course
Answers: i'm looking for some really good riddles clean of course
Q: What kind of cats love the water?
A: Octo-*******.
Q: Who is the dogs favourite comedian?
A: Growlcho Marx.
Q: What's a porcupine's favorite food?
A: Prickled onions.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the playground?
A: To get to the other slide.
Q: What's black and white and makes a lot of noise?
A: A zebra with a drumkit.
Q: Why did the turtle cross the road?
A: To get to the Shell garage.
Q: What were the only creatures not to go into the Ark in pairs?
A: The Maggots, they went in an apple.
Q: Why did the turkey cross the road?
A: It was the chickens day off.
Q: What do you get if you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole?
A: Hot cross bunnies.
Q: What do you give a sick pig?
A: Oinkment!
Q: How do you keep an idiot busy for hours?
A: Give him a piece of paper with "Please turn over" written on both sides.
Q: How do you confuse an idiot?
A: Give him two spades and tell him to take his pick.
Q: On which side does a chicken have the most feathers?
A: The outside.
Q: How do you know when there is an elephant under your bed?
A: Your nose touches the ceiling.
Q: What's a flea's favorite way to travel?
A: Itch-hiking.
Q: What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
A: Big holes all over Australia!
Q: What lies on the ground, 100 feet in the air?
A: A dead centipede.
Q: Why did the snowman call his dog Frost?
A: Because Frost bites.
Q: Why wouldn't the butterfly go to the dance?
A: It was a moth-ball.
Q: What game do cows play at parties?
A: Mooosical Chairs.
Q: What do you call a multistorey pig pen?
A: A sty scraper.
Q: What do you give a horse with a cold?
A: Cough stirrup!
Q: What do monsters make with cars?
A: Traffic Jam
Q: What do you call the elephant witch doctor?
A: Mumbo Jumbo
Q: Why did the pony cough?
A: He was a little hoarse!
Q: What do sheep do on sunny days?
A: Have a baa - baa - cue!
Q: How do you know when a dog has been naughty?
A: It leaves a little poodle on the carpet!
Q: Where do Aliens keep their sandwiches?
A: In a Launch box
Q: What do you call the pub on Mars?
A: A Mars Bar!
Q: Why did the spaceship land outside your bedroom?
A: I must have left the landing light on
Q: What do you call a vampire that lives in the kitchen?
A: Spatula!
Q: Why couldn't the skeleton go to the dance?
A: He had no body to go with!
Q: If a plane crashed on the border of England and Scotland, where would they bury the survivors?
A: you don't bury survivors
Q: Twelve pears hanging high, twelve men passing by, each took a pear and left eleven hanging there. How can this be? How can eleven pears be left?
A: 'Each' is a mans name!
Q: If there's a frog, dead in the centre of a lilypad which is right in the middle of the pond, which side would it jump to?
A: neither, the frog is dead!
Q: You're a bus driver. At the first stop 4 people get on. At the second stop 8 people on, at the third stop 2 people get off and, at the forth stop everyone got off. The question is what color are the bus drivers eyes?
A: The same as yours, you're the bus driver.
Q: What never gets any wetter, no matter how much it rains?
A: The sea!
Q: A man went outside in the pouring rain with no protection, but not a hair on his head got wet...how come?
A: He was bald.
Q: David's father has three sons : Snap, Crackle and _____ ?
A: David
Q: What has a mouth but doesn't eat, a bank with no money, a bed but doesn't sleep, and waves but has no hands?
A: a river.
Q: A cowboy rode to an inn on Friday. He stayed two nights and left on Friday. How could that be?
A: His horse was called Friday.
Q: If the red house is on the right side and if the blue house is on the left side where's the white house?
A: Washington DC
Q: What do you get if Batman and Robin get smashed by a steam roller?
A: Flatman and ribbon.
Q: When is a car not a car?
A: When it turns into a garage.
Q: How much do pirates pay for their earrings?
A: a Buccaneer!
Q: Why did the scientist install a knocker on his door?
A: He wanted to win the No-bell prize.
Q: Why did the atoms cross the road?
A: It was time to split!
Q: What do you do when your chair breaks?
A: Call a Chairman.
Q: Why do eskimos wash their clothes in tide?
A: Because it's too cold out tide!
Q: What kind of car does Luke Skywalker drive?
A: a Toy-yoda.
Q: What is the biggest pencil in the world?
A: Pennsylvania.
Q: Why did the boy blush when he opened the fridge?
A: He saw the salad dressing
I have posted a bunch on Jokes and Riddles
I have brown hair and brown eyes,
My wife has brown hair and brown eyes
My milkman has Ginger hair and brown eyes
My postman has Blonde hair and blue eyes
My youngest son has ginger hair and blue eyes.
Please send all answers to my solicitor
No but I have a joke.
Hillary Clinton posed for campaign photos with an elementary school class. One little boy raised his hand and Hillary asked him his name. “Kenneth,” he replied. “What’s your question, Kenneth?” Hillary asked. Kenneth replied, “Would you run for President after your husband shamed the office?” Just then the bell rang and Hillary told the students that they would continue after recess. When they got back, Hillary asked, “Okay, where were we? Oh, that's right.....question time. Who has a question?” A little girl raised her hand. “And what is your question?” continued the Senator. “I have two questions,” the little girl answered, “Why would you run for President after your husband shamed the office? And what happened to Kenneth?”
A man walked into a hotel how did he know he was broke?
He was playing monopoly.
There are 7 girls on a bus
Each of them has 7 backpacks
In each backpack there are 7 big cats
And each big cat has 7 little cats.
How many feet are there on the bus? (Not counting the bus driver...)
What Am I?
I am 7 letters long
I am greater than God
I am more evil than the devil
I am what poor people want
I am what rich people need
And...
If you eat me, you will die!!!
Good Luck!
mr. green lives in the green house... ms. brown lives in the brown house... mrs. red lives in the red house... who lives in the white house?
i don't have a riddle but here is a joke
A husband and wife from New York were traveling to Florida for vacation. They were taking a second honeymoon to the same hotel they stayed at when they first married 30 years ago. Due to their different schedules the husband left a day before his wife. When he arrived he e-mailed to his wife, but accidentally sent it to the wrong address.
Mean while in Texas an elderly woman was morning the death of her husband. He had enjoyed a successful career as a preacher. When she came home from the funeral she checked her e-mail. She screamed and passed out. The e-mail read:
Subject: I’ve arrived
To my loving wife,
They have e-mail here now and allow you to e-mail your loved ones. Just wanted to let you know I arrived safely. The trip was much shorter than I expected. Everything is ready for your arrival tomorrow. See you soon!
P.S. It’s really hot down here