Could you please...............!
Question: Tell me a good joke.......I need a laugh.
Answers: Tell me a good joke.......I need a laugh.
I'm sorry I don't know any good jokes but I will tell you about all the funny questions I've seen on y/a. Here they are.....
"I just made a homemade tattoo gun with my friend but had no ink, so i just used pen ink, is that really bad?"
POLL: Coke or Coke.
Can I use regular bleach to whiten my teeth?
LADIES: WHICH IS HARD TO FIND?? GOOD BRA OR A GOOD MAN??
"Does anyone else put toilet paper in the tiolet bowl to cushion their poo???"
"how do i rewind a DVD. im afraid that if i take it back to the rental store that they will charge me for not rewinding it. please help"
"Why Bill Gates not my father???"
How do you become a ninja turtle?
what is the deadliest wayy to kill a bowl of cereal?" :]
"how does ink come out of pens!?"
You popl hav to stop using th lttr "E". It is dply offnsiv to m.?
"OMG I can't see my forehead"
What happens if you get a paper cut from a Get Well card?
what if the pillsberry dough boy had a yeast infection
Is Disneyland the first ever human trap operated by a mouse?
okay, here's something about dogs since you like dogs. (so do I)
Letter to my pets
When I say to move, it means to go someplace else, not to switch positions with each other so there are still two of you in my way.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. All
other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note that placing
your paw print in the middle of MY plate and food does not stake a
claim making it YOUR plate and food.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help in your quest to reach the bottom first, because I fall faster than you can
run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry
about this. Do not think that I will continue sleeping on the couch to
ensure your comfort.
Dogs and cats actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not
necessary to sleep perpendicular to one another, stretched out to the
fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out
and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is
nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by
some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is
not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob, or get your
paw under the edge of the door and try to pull it open. I must exit
through the same door I entered. Honest.
Also, I have been using the bathroom by myself for quite some
time--canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
I can't stress this one enough -- kiss me, THEN go smell the other
dog's/cat's behind.
To pacify you, my dear companions, I have posted the following notice
on our front door:
Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and then Complain About Our Pets
1. The pets live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the
furniture. (That's why it's called "fur"niture.)
3. To you, our pets are just animals. To us, they are an adopted son/daughter who happens to be hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
4. Dogs and cats are better than kids because:
---- they don't ask for money all the time
---- they are easier to train
---- they usually come when called
---- they don't hang out with drug-using friends
---- they don't need a gazillion dollars for a college education, and
---- if they get pregnant, you can sell the children.
what did the baby corn say to the mommy corn?
"where is POPCORN?!"
ahahahaha
:)
Why did the tree fell on the car?
Cuz it was on the house. lol
What do Viagra And Disney Land have in common?
They both cause you to stand around for an hour waiting for a two minute ride.
sure! okay, here it is.
one day, a teacher came into her classroom, and she found the word P3N!s written on her chalkboard in really small letters. she erased it, and looked around her classroom to find a guilty face...there was none.
the next day the same thing happened, but she found it in even BIGGER LETTERS. she looked around her classroom, and still found no guilty faces....then she erased it.
this kept on happening over and over again, and it kept on getting bigger and she kept on erasing it... she finally got used to it! but then, the day after she found the word written all across her chalkboard in GIGANTIC LETTERS...she erased it again...
the next day, thinking she'd find it again, but she didn't....instead it said, the more you rub it...the bigger it gets!
Upon entering a small country store, a stranger noticed a sign saying DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG! posted on the glass door. Inside a harmless old hound dog was asleep on the floor besides the cash register.
He asked the store manager, "Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?"
"Yep, that's him," he replied.
The amused stranger inquired, "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?"
The owner responded, "Because, before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him."
Not too funny, but you like dogs. :)
Cheer up.
I'll tell you several:
1) With fat people, there are no seesaws...only catapults
2)Every fight is a food fight....when your a canibal...
3) I was driving the other day and I saw a sign that said "Watch for children" and I thought...that sounds like a good trade
4)Swimming is a confusing sport. Sometimes, you do it for fun, but sometimes, you do it to not die.
5)Drowning would be a terrible way to die, but I bet a little less terrible it right before, you were really thirsty
6)When women try and show you a picture of their kids, the last thing they wanna hear you say is "Oh yeah...I got some pictures of your kid too!
Where did tomato say to the ketchup
what
squeeze lololololololx15
song during this post boom boom boom on victtor's webshow
thers a boy named timmy and hes at home. his teacher asked him to learn the letters of the alphabet. so he ask his mom whos on the phone and says, wat the first letter of the alphabet? and she says..SHUT UP! so he goes to his dad watching a football game and says, wats the 2nd letter of the alphabet? and he says u can do better then that! then he goes to his lil bro sam, whos watching batman, and he ask, wats the 3rd letter of the alphabet? and he says...im batman!. then he goes to his drunk uncle whos taking out the trash, and says, wats the forth letter of the alphabet? and he says in the garbage in the garbage. so he goes to school and his teacher ask, wats the first letter of the alphabet, and he says SHUT UP!. his teachers says, dont make me call the principal! and he says u can do better then that! then the teacher says thats it im calling the pricipal! when he gets there, the principle ask, wats ur name son? he says...im batman! then the principal says where do u live and timmy says in the garbge in the garbage!