Whats your best joke???!
Question: or the best joke you have heard recently???
Answers: or the best joke you have heard recently???
well heres a test u can take thats rly funny
Pick the month you were born:
January-------I kicked
February------I loved
March--------I kissed
April----------I licked
May----------I jumped on
June----------I smelled
July-----------I did the Macarena With
August--------I had lunch with
September----I danced with
October-------I sang to
November-----I yelled at
December-----I ran over
Pick the day (number) you were born on:
1-------a birdbath
2-------a monster
3-------a phone
4-------a fork
5-------a snowman
6-------a gangster
7-------my mobile phone
8-------my dog
9-------my best friends' boyfriend
10-------my neighbour
11-------my science teacher
12-------a banana
13-------a fireman
14-------a stuffed animal
15-------a goat
16-------a pickle
17-------your mom
18-------a spoon
19------ - a smurf
20-------a baseball bat
21-------a ninja
22-------Chuck Norris
23-------a noodle
24-------a squirrel
25-------a football player
26-------my sister
27-------my brother
28-------an ipod
29-------a surfer
30-------a llama
31-------A homeless guy
Pick the color of shirt you are wearing:
White---------because I'm cool like that
Black---------because that's how I roll.
Pink-----------because I'm crazy.
Red----------- because the voices told me to.
Blue-----------because I'm sexy and I do what I want
Green---------because I think I need some serious help.
Purple---------because I'm AWESOME!
Gray----------because Big Bird said to and he's my leader.
Yellow--------because someone offered me 1,000,000 dollars
Orange--------because my family thinks I'm stupid anyway.
Brown---------because I can..
Other----------because I'm a Ninja!
None----------because I can't control myself!
I can't wait to see what you get stuck with.................
There were 2 peanuts walking down the street...
One of them was assaulted (a salted)
I got that one from Fozzy Bear-- I'm watching the Muppet Show!
My aunt got taken into hospital recently with a margerine overdose.
She's been in for over two weeks now....I Can't Believe She's Not Better :-)
whats red fuzzy and comes in a jar?
pickle-me-elmo
lol I used to love that one
I hope you're ready for this....
What do you call a man with a plank on his head?
Edward
What do you call a man with 2 planks on his head?
Edward Wood
What do you call a man with 3 planks on his head?
Edward Woodward
What do you call a man with 4 planks on his head?
I dunno, but Edward Woodward would!
if the right side of your brain controls the left side of your body and the left side of your brain controls the right side of your body,.... does that mean people who are left handed are in their right mind?
more like a riddle not a joke lol
STARRED
So this guy goes to the doctor's office because his peepee hs turned orange. The doctor runs a battery tests, but can't find anything wrong with him. The dr asks the guy what his daily habits are, hoping to learn something. The guy replies, "I get up every morning, go to work, come home and watch porn while eating Cheetos."
Because it saw the Rhode Island.
There were three men standing on the edge of the beach chanting "Joe, Joe, Joe !!!" Along came a passerby and asked the men: "May I ask why you are chanting 'Joe' into the water?" One of the men responded "May I ask how long can you hold your breath under water?" The passerby replied "Three minutes, why?" The man answered "Joe's been in the water for 3 days !!!--- Joe, Joe, Joe !!!"
"Doctor, Doctor. I think I'm a dog"
"How long has this been going on?"
"Ever since I was a puppy"
I said to my boyfriend, "What do you want for your Birthday?"
He said "Oh, just get me something really expensive, that I don't really need"
So I signed him up for a course of radiation treatment.
"My dog has got no nose"
"how does he smell?"
"He can't. He's got no nose"
And finally, one that only the Jews will get:
Iran airlines flight is in difficulties having lost one engine. The pilot puts out a distress call:
"Mayday, Mayday, Mayday. This is Iran Air flight 2431. We are in severe difficulties. We'll accept help from anyone EXCEPT Israel."
They get no reply. Then their other engine fails. Now they are in BIG trouble.
"Mayday, Mayday, Mayday. This is Iran Air flight 2431. We are in extreme difficulties, we have no engines. We will accept help from anyone, INCLUDING Israel."
Immediately the reply comes "This is Tel Aviv control tower, can we be of assistance"
"Thank you Tel Aviv" says the pilot, "We are losing altitude fast, can you help us, we have no navigation or avionics"
"No problem, Iran Air 2431" comes the reply, "Now, repeat after me....... Baruch eta Adonay, Elohanu Malech ha-olam"
Four friends reunited at a party after 30 years. After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go to the rest room. The ones who stayed behind began talk about their kids and their successes.
The first guy says: I am very proud of my son, he is my pride and joy. He started working at a very successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration soon he was promoted and began to climb the corporate ladder becoming the General Manager and now he is the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes Benz for his birthday.
The second guy says: Damn, that's terrific!! My son is also my pride and joy, I am very proud of him. He started working at a travel agency for a very big airline. He went to flight school to become a pilot and also managed to become a partner in the company where he now owns the majority of the assets. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.
The third guy says: Well, well, well congratulations!! My son is also my pride and joy and he is also very rich. He studied in the best universities and became an Engineer. He started his own construction company and became very successful and a multimillionaire. He also gave away some thing very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday. He built a 30,000 sq ft mansion, specially for his friend.
The three friends congratulated each other mutually for the successes of their sons.
The fourth friend who earlier had gone to the restroom returned and asked:
What's going on? What are all the congratulations for?
One of the three said: We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons.
And then he asked, What about your son?
The forth man replied: My son is Gay and he makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.
The three friends said: What a shame that must be, that is horrible, what a disappointment you must feel.
The forth man replied: No, I am not ashamed. Not at all. He is my son and love him just as well, he is my pride and joy. And he is very lucky too. Did you know that his birthday just passed and the other day he received a beautiful 30,000 sq ft mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes Benz from his three boyfriends.
Fat bloke goes to the doctor. "Doctor, I'm too fat and want to lose weight." Doctor: "OK, take off your clothes and jump on the scales." Fat geezer: "Well, what do you think doctor?" Doctor: "I'm sorry, but you'll have to diet." Patient: "No problem. What colour?"