Airline announcements?!
Question: "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed equally amongst the flight
attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta airlines is pleased
to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately,
none of them are on this flight!"
Heard from a flight attendant on a Westjet Airlines flight just after a
very hard landing in Edmonton, Alberta: "That was quite a bump, and I know
what you're all thinking... I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's
fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's
fault.....it was the asphalt."
Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a
particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain
was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight
Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain
in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's
left of our airplane to the gate!"
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask
you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the
terminal."
A Canadian airline pilot wrote in his journal a few years ago that on one
particular flight due to strong cross-winds, he had unfortunately hammered
his ship onto the runway with a very hard greeting. The airline had a
policy which required the first officer on the flight to stand at the exit
door while the passengers disembarked, to smile and repeat "Thanks for
flying our airline." His comments indicated that, in light of the poor
landing, he avoided eye contact with the passengers in an attempt to avoid
any smart comments that might result. Finally there was only one little old
lady left to exit the plane. Walking slowly up the aisle with a cane, she
approached the awaiting first officer and said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask
you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" "Did we
land, or were we shot down?"
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on
with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash
and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the
gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are
silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the
wreckage to the terminal."
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you
folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge
to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope
you'll think of US Airways."
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After reaching a comfortable
cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom,
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight
Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good
and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back
and relax. OH, MY GOD!!!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the
captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so
sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight
attendant brought me a cup of very hot coffee which ended up spilling in my
lap. You should see the front of my pants! A passenger in Coach yelled,
"That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
Answers: "As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings.
Anything left behind will be distributed equally amongst the flight
attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses."
And from the pilot during his welcome message: "Delta airlines is pleased
to have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately,
none of them are on this flight!"
Heard from a flight attendant on a Westjet Airlines flight just after a
very hard landing in Edmonton, Alberta: "That was quite a bump, and I know
what you're all thinking... I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's
fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's
fault.....it was the asphalt."
Overheard on an American Airlines flight into Amarillo, Texas, on a
particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain
was really having to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight
Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Amarillo. Please remain
in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's
left of our airplane to the gate!"
Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask
you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the
terminal."
A Canadian airline pilot wrote in his journal a few years ago that on one
particular flight due to strong cross-winds, he had unfortunately hammered
his ship onto the runway with a very hard greeting. The airline had a
policy which required the first officer on the flight to stand at the exit
door while the passengers disembarked, to smile and repeat "Thanks for
flying our airline." His comments indicated that, in light of the poor
landing, he avoided eye contact with the passengers in an attempt to avoid
any smart comments that might result. Finally there was only one little old
lady left to exit the plane. Walking slowly up the aisle with a cane, she
approached the awaiting first officer and said, "Sir, do you mind if I ask
you a question?" "Why, no, Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?" "Did we
land, or were we shot down?"
After a real crusher of a landing in Phoenix, the Flight Attendant came on
with, "Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Capt. Crash
and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the
gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are
silenced, we'll open the door and you can pick your way through the
wreckage to the terminal."
Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement: "We'd like to thank you
folks for flying with us today. And, the next time you get the insane urge
to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope
you'll think of US Airways."
A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After reaching a comfortable
cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom,
"Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight
Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good
and, therefore, we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back
and relax. OH, MY GOD!!!" Silence followed, and after a few minutes, the
captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so
sorry if I scared you earlier. While I was talking to you, the flight
attendant brought me a cup of very hot coffee which ended up spilling in my
lap. You should see the front of my pants! A passenger in Coach yelled,
"That's nothing. You should see the back of mine!"
STAR
LMAO there brilliant
wow
Ha
( . ) ( . )
________
WEIRD!!!
*yet still very funny and cool.*
hohoho
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... i just loooooooveeeee airline annoucements...I have heard some like that before but I can read them all day and everyday....especially the last one!!!! Thanks for the laugh!!!