Will you please give me a great joke?!
Question: So basically I have a high fever. I just got surgery on my toe yeaterday, and I got a needle in my arm musele yesterday too. I feel so icky and I'm sneezing and my head feels like it weighs a million pounds. It's a horrble weekend, I can't even focus on my homework and my teacher is going to kill me if I don't get it done. Ugh, sucks!
Does anybody have any really funny jokes to share with me? It's an easy way to make points and it will make my day a little more happier. Try not to make them to hard to understand, because that will drive me crazy.
Thank you so much! =]
Answers: So basically I have a high fever. I just got surgery on my toe yeaterday, and I got a needle in my arm musele yesterday too. I feel so icky and I'm sneezing and my head feels like it weighs a million pounds. It's a horrble weekend, I can't even focus on my homework and my teacher is going to kill me if I don't get it done. Ugh, sucks!
Does anybody have any really funny jokes to share with me? It's an easy way to make points and it will make my day a little more happier. Try not to make them to hard to understand, because that will drive me crazy.
Thank you so much! =]
A husband and wife from New York were traveling to Florida for vacation. They were taking a second honeymoon to the same hotel they stayed at when they first married 30 years ago. Due to their different schedules the husband left a day before his wife. When he arrived he e-mailed to his wife, but accidentally sent it to the wrong address.
Mean while in Texas an elderly woman was morning the death of her husband. He had enjoyed a successful career as a preacher. When she came home from the funeral she checked her e-mail. She screamed and passed out. The e-mail read:
Subject: I’ve arrived
To my loving wife,
They have e-mail here now and allow you to e-mail your loved ones. Just wanted to let you know I arrived safely. The trip was much shorter than I expected. Everything is ready for your arrival tomorrow. See you soon!
P.S. It’s really hot down here
A young man wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note: romantic, but not too personal. Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he went to Nordstrom and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.
During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents, the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the following note:
"I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove".
"These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really good".
"I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again".
"When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing".
"Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night. All my love".
"P.S. The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing."
i dont have one but oh my god that first joke is HILARIOUS I hope it wins it def deserves it i ma cracking up
If you need a laugh, then read through these Children's Science Exam Answers:
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (brilliant, love this!)
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All Water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no Water on the moon, and Nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q. What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get Intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his Adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.G., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the Borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie
Q: What does "varicose" mean? (I do love this one ...)
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term "Caesarean Section."
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome
Q: What does the word " benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
When Albert Einstein was making the rounds of the speaker's circuit, he usually found himself eagerly longing to get back to his laboratory work. One night as they were driving to yet another rubber-chicken dinner, Einstein mentioned to his chauffeur (a man who somewhat resembled Einstein in looks & manner) that he was tired of speechmaking.
"I have an idea, boss," his chauffeur said. "I've heard you give this speech so many times. I'll bet I could give it for you." Einstein laughed loudly and said, "Why not? Let's do it!" When they arrive at the dinner, Einstein donned the chauffeur's cap and jacket and sat in the back of the room. The chauffeur gave a beautiful rendition of Einstein's speech and even answered a few questions expertly.
Then a supremely pompous professor asked an extremely esoteric question about anti-matter formation, digressing here and there to let everyone in the audience know that he was nobody's fool. Without missing a beat, the chauffeur fixed the professor with a steely stare and said, "Sir, the answer to that question is so simple that I will let my chauffeur, who is sitting in the back, answer it for me."
Ask your teacher what kind of Geese don't fly....................................P... a Geese!!!
Three female convicts escaped from jail, a red head, a brunette, and a blond. Running through a field, the police a few yards behind them, the trio ran inside a dark warehouse, each hiding in a different spot. The cop trailing them arrived shortly after wards. Walking up to the spot where the red head was hiding, under trash bags full of leaves, he kicked it. The red head said "bark!Bark!Bark!" in very convincing way. the cop muttered"Nothing here but a bunch of puppies." And moved on.He stopped at the brunette's hiding place, several purses piled atop of each other. he kick at it, and the brunette said "Meow.Meow! PUUUR!" In a very animal like way. The cop said "Nothing here but some kittens." he moved on to the last pile. A mound of tote bags full of potatoes was the blonde's hiding place. the cop kicked it, and the blond said "potato potato potato"
there is 3 men walking in the woods
one of them drops down to the floor
his eyes are glazed and he isn't moving
one of them then pulls out his cellphone and dials 911
the guy says" my friend has dropped down to the floor and isn't moving what do i do"the operator says"Don't panic i can help you ,first make sure he's dead"
there is silence
then a gunshot is heard
the guy who called gets back on the phone and says "now what"