Cool Jokes????????????????!
Question: Have any cool jokes? Please write them. The more you have the more chance of getting best answer!
Answers: Have any cool jokes? Please write them. The more you have the more chance of getting best answer!
What did the digital clock say to the grandfather clock?
Look, pa no hands
lol hahahaha
hahah i have a really dumb but funny one
ok so a mushroom walks into a bar and the guys like
"ummm we dont surve mushrooms here"
and the mushrooms all like
"come on im a "fung gie" (fun guy)
hahahah hella arious
MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET
Workplace Hazardous Materials Information Sheet
Substance: Woman
Chemical system: Wo
manufacturer: God
Typical size: Average weight 115 lbs; specimens can vary from 90-200 lbs.
Occurrence: large quantities found in urban areas and shopping malls
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Surface tension – soft and warm.
2. Exposed surfaces usually cosmetically enhanced.
3. Boils at nothing.
4. Freezes without reason.
5. Melts with special reason.
6. Flavor initially sweet, becomes bitter if used incorrectly.
7. Found in various states of purity from virgin metal to common ore.
8. Yields to pressure if applied to specific points.
9. Sometimes enlarges alarmingly with age.
10. Even brief linking with male substance can cause substance to reproduce with marked physical and mental changes.
CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
1. Has affinity for gold, silver and precious stones.
2. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
3. Highly volatile for reasons not clearly understood.
4. Verbal activity greatly increased by alcohol saturation.
5. Most powerful money-reducing agent known. (See HAZARDS #3).
COMMON USES:
1. Highly ornamental.
2. Relatively brief exposure can be a great aid to relaxation.
3. Pleasurable companion until legally owned.
SUBSTANCE VERIFICATION:
1. Pure specimen turns bright pink when observed in natural state.
2. Turns green when compared to better specimen.
HAZARDS:
1. May explode spontaneously without cause.
2. Illegal to possess more than one specimen at a time.
3. Avoid specimen contact with plastic credit cards.
New Telephone Greeting
Wouldn't it be something, if this caught on, all over the country...?
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing.
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A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
**************************************...
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
**************************************...
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "Hell, I know the guy!"
**************************************...
Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."
**************************************...
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you?
You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied with a grin, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."
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Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
"GOOD MORNING, WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA."
"Press "1" if you speak English."
"Press '2' to disconnect until you can"