I need jotd(Joke Of The Day)?!
Question: My teacher is really pushing us to submit to her some jokes
idk why???
i think its for some proj. (because she worknig for her masters degree)
anykind will help
Answers: My teacher is really pushing us to submit to her some jokes
idk why???
i think its for some proj. (because she worknig for her masters degree)
anykind will help
I have this many jokes.Choose one of them:-
The story is told of a lady who was rather old fashioned, always quite delicate and elegant, especially in her language. She and her husband were planning a weeks vacation to Florida, so she wrote to a particular campground asking for a reservation.
She wanted to make sure the campground was fully equipped, but didn't quite know how to ask about the toilet facilities. She just couldn't bring herself to write the word "toilet" in her letter. After much deliberation, she finally came up with the old fashioned term BATHROOM COMMODE, but when she wrote that down, she thought she was being too forward. So she started all over again, rewrote the entire letter and referred to the bathroom commode merely as the "BC". "Does the campground have its own BC?" is what she actually wrote.
Well, the campground owner wasn't old-fashioned at all and when he got the letter he just couldn't figure out what the woman was talking about. That "BC" business really stumped him. After worrying about it for awhile he showed the letter to several campers, but they couldn't figure out what the lady meant either. So, the campground owner finally coming to the conclusion that the lady must be asking about the local Baptist Church, sat down and wrote the lady. Upon reading his letter, and with great shock, the lady quickly decided not to got to that campground. The letter is as follows...
"Dear Madam, I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take great pleasure in informing you that a BC is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people at one time. I admit it is quite a distance away, if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along and make a day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late.
"It is such a beautiful facility and the acoustics are marvelous; even the normal delivery sounds can be heard. The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now there is a supper planned to raise money to buy more seats. They are going to hold it in the basement of the BC.
I would like to say it pains me very much not being able to go more regularly, but it is surely no lack of desire on my part. As we grow older it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in cold weather.
If you decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the first time you go, sit with you, and introduce you to all the other folks (remember, this is a friendly community)."
Santa was one of the four persons who were in the final stages of interviewing for a prestigious job. The Company decided to fly them all in for dinner and a final interview.
Over dinner at a fine restaurant, the president of the company told them that all were very worthy applicants, and that he wished he could hire them all, but that they only had enough money budgeted to hire one person. He told them that he would call each of them in one at a time for a final interview the next day, and that he would ask each one of them the same question. Whoever answered the question the best would be the one hired. All applicants agreed that this was fair.
The next day the first applicant was called in.
The president posed the question, "What is the fastest thing in the world?"
He thought for a moment and replied, "That would have to be a thought."
"Why do you say that?" asked the president.
"Well, a thought takes no time at all...it is in your mind in an instant, then gone again."
"Ahh, very good. Thank you," replied the president.
Next the same question was posed to the second person.
"What is the fastest thing in the world?"
She paused and replied, "That would have to be a blink."
"Why?" asked the president.
"Because you don`t even think about a blink, it`s just a reflex. You do it in an instant."
The president thanked him. He then called in the next applicant and asked the same question.
After hesitating for a brief moment, he replied, "I would have to say electricity."
"Why?"
"Because a man can flip a switch, and immediately, three miles away a light will go on."
"I see, very good," replied the president.
Now it was the turn of our Santa. So he was called in and the President posed the question.
"What is the fastest thing in the world?"
"That`s easy..." he replied, "that would have to be diarrhoea!"
Rather stunned, the president asked, "Why do you say that?"
"Well, last night after dinner, I was lying in my bed and I got the worst stomach cramps..... and before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHTS......"
A drunk walked into a bar crying. One of the other men in the bar asked him what happened.
"I did a terrible thing," sniffed the drunk, "Just a few hours ago I sold my wife to someone for a bottle of Champagne."
"That is awful," said the other guy, "And now that she is gone you want her back right?"
"Right!" said the drunk, still crying.
"You're sorry you sold her because you realised, too late, that you still loved her, right?"
"Oh, No," said the drunk. I want her back because I'm thirsty again!"
The choir director selected the 6-year-old little boy with the sweetest face for the opening scene of the Christmas play.
"Now,all you have to do, when you hear me say to the choir '...and the angel lit the candle', is come on stage and light all the candles."
"I can do it, I can do it!" the little boy said, excitedly.
Rehearsals came and went, and finally the big night arrived. The choir was ready, the stage was beautifully decorated with dozens of unlit candles all around, and all awaited the moment when the cute littlest angel would make his entrance.
The director gave the downbeat, the orchestra began to play, and the choir swept into the introductory lines, ending with an expectant "...and the angel lit the candle" Everyone looked stage right for the entrance.
No little boy.
The director gave the downbeat again, and more loudly said, "...and the angel lit the candle"
Again, all eyes looked stage right. No little boy.
The director, beginning to sweat, motioned with great, sweeping gestures, and this time the choir thundered into the line. So loud were they that the curtains belled slightly from the sound!
"...AND THE ANGEL LIT THE CANDLE!"
And into the silence which followed came a clear, boy-soprano voice floating piercingly from stage right, "...and the cat peed on the matches!"
Two men were walking home after a party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.
Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death, we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"
Why One Should Never Visit a Five Star Hotel...
Question: What would you like to have... Fruit juice, Soda, Tea, Chocolate, Milo, or Coffee?
Answer: Tea please.
Question: Ceylon tea, Herbal tea, Bush tea, Honey bush tea, Ice tea or green tea?
Answer: Ceylon tea.
Question: How would you like it? Black or white?
Answer: White
Question: Milk, Whitener, or Condensed milk?
Answer: With milk.
Question: Goat milk, Camel milk or cow milk
Answer: With cow milk please.
Question: Milk from Freeze land cow or Afrikaner cow?
Answer: Um, I'll take it black.
Question: Would you like it with sweetener, sugar or honey?
Answer: With sugar.
Question: Beet sugar or cane sugar?
Answer: Cane sugar.
Question: White, brown or yellow sugar?
Answer: Forget about tea just give me a glass of water instead.
Question: Mineral water or still water?
Answer: Mineral water.
Question: Flavored or non-flavored?
Answer: I'll rather die of thirst.
Marry had a little lamb
she also had a duck
she put them on the window sill to see if they would --------
Put in your own ending.
if you see a bunny,
and his nose is runny.
don't laugh,
because it's snot!
whoa! woo hoo!
How many ADD kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Let's go ride bikes!!!
Once upon a time,there was a land called TRID,where a bunch of little TRIDS lived,at the bottom of a hill.
The only source of water was in a well on top of the hill,but it was guarded by an evil troll.
Finally a hot day came and one of the TRIDS said
"screw that troll,I'm gettin some water!"
He got allthe way up to the well,The troll jumped out,and kicked him all the way down the hill.
The next day another TRID said
"screw that troll I'm Thirsty!"
So he got all the way up to the well,The troll popped out,and kicked him all the way down the hill
Times were rough for the TRIDS
Finally one day,a Rabbi came to the land of TRID and saw all these TRIDS half dehydrated,half dead.
So he asked them "Whats wrong my little TRID friends?"
So they told him they were dying of thirst and that an evil troll was guarding the well and kicking them down the Hill before they could get a drink of water.
The Rabbi said "this isnt right,Let me try to get some water and see what happens!"
SO the Rabbi climbed the hill,got to the well,and drank the water.
The troll popped out and just looked at him.
The Rabbi was waiting and nothing happened.
This made him curious,so he asked the troll,
"Why didnt you kick me down the hill for drinking the water from your well? Like you did All the TRIDS?"
The troll looked at him and exclaimed
"Silly Rabbi,TRIDS are for Kicks!"